“I’m so sorry, honey.” Jake started to come around the desk, but Pam stopped him with a hand, her soft features hardening.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I’m sorry, I really am.” Jake stopped in front of her desk. “Are you okay?”
“Do I look okay?” Pam tossed the Kleenex in the wastebasket.
“What did you tell them?”
“That I wanted to spend more time with my family.” Pam chuckled, but it was without mirth. “I don’t know how you could do it, Jake, I really don’t. You’ve ruined everything, you know. You’ve ruined our lives. Above all, you’ve ruined Ryan’s life. He’s never going to be the same, ever. This secret, it will ruin him.”
“I’m sorry,” Jake said again, because she was right and it was all he could say.
“It’s such a joke,” Pam said, disgusted without batting an eye, though she never cursed. “You finally decide to pay attention to your family. You want to step back in and reestablish a relationship with your own son, your only son. So I say, like an idiot, go pick him up at the movie. And what do you do? You decide it would be a great idea if he drove the car!” Pam raised her voice, throwing up her hands. “What a great decision! Wasn’t that agreatdecision? Wasn’t that one of your greatest, all-time decisionsever?”
Jake didn’t reply. She needed to blow off steam, and he deserved every word.
“Fun Dad evidently is the last one to know that a father is supposed to be a parent, not a friend. It’s Parenting 101, but you didn’t get the memo. It’s every magazine article, or on every Dr. Phil or Oprah episodeever.” Pam scoffed. “That’s right, she went off the air, so it’s her fault. It’sOprah’sfault! Because it’s not your fault, right, Jake? It can’t be! I have a son blaming himself, but really it’syour fault.”
“I admit it’s my fault. I know it’s my fault.”
“I know that, too, but that doesn’t do us any good, because Ryan doesn’t know it’s true. Ryan was properly brought up, by me I might add, which means that he has a conscience. He knows the difference between right and wrong, as do I. Onlyyoudon’t know the difference between right and wrong.”
Jake didn’t say anything. She was right, and there was nothing to say.
“You’ll never convince him of anything else, ever,” Pam said, louder. “Even though the law would apportion the lion’s share of the guilt to you, he’ll still feel guilty. And now he feels guilty because you would be the one to go to jail and not him. The kid can’t win!”
“I tried to explain it to him—”
“I don’t know who you are, frankly!” Pam jumped to her feet. “You leave a young girl on the road,dead? You crash your own car? You burn evidence? You lie to the police? You lie to Amy, and to Harold? You lie tome!” Pam snorted. “What a bunch of bull! You made me feel bad because I questioned you with Ryan! You made me feel like I was hurting your getting close to him! You backed me down, you manipulated me, and you lied to me every step of the way! I didn’t raise a liar, but I sure as hellmarried one!”
“Pam, I know, I’m sorry—” Jake said, then fell abruptly silent when the door opened and Ryan was standing there, his hair wet from the shower, dressed in his gray T-shirt and sweats.
“Mom.” Ryan stood in the threshold, his hand on the doorknob. His eyes were dry, and his forehead smooth and untroubled under bangs so wet they dripped on his shoulders, like raindrops. “You need to let it go now. Dad said he was sorry, and you need to get off his back.”
Jake’s mouth went dry. He knew Ryan was trying to help, but it would only upset Pam more if Ryan intervened and took Jake’s side. “Ryan, it’s okay—”
“Ryan, please, go.” Pam waved him out, agitated. “This is between your father and me. I’m sorry if you heard, but this is between us.”
“I disagree.” Ryan looked from her to Jake, oddly calm. “You were talking about the hit-and-run, and that’s not just between you guys.”
“Ryan, I—” Jake started to say, but Pam cut him off with a chop of her hand.
“Jake, why don’t you letmeanswer our son? Ryan was speaking to me and questioning what I was doing, and he deserves an answer from me, not you.”
“Fine,” Jake said, tense.
Pam continued sternly, “Ryan, in point of fact, we weren’t talking about the hit-and-run. We were talking about our relationship, about the importance of honesty in our relationship, in our marriage. So you see, it wasn’t something that includes you. It’s not the same issue.”
Ryan blinked, unusually unfazed. “Mom, you sound so much like a judge tonight. Why don’t you let it go? I think you’ve ridden Dad long enough.”
“I don’t.”
“I do.”
“Oh really?” Pam shot back, her tone sharpening. “Ryan, it’s not your place to tell me how to talk to my husband, even if he’s your father.”
“I can have an opinion.”
