Tears suddenly threatened Sullivan’s eyes.
“Oh, Sullivan.” Kia’s expression was soft with kindness.
“It ended when I had a celebration of my grandfather’s life. I like to do it once a year. Some friends of his come over. Miss Brenda makes his favorite biscuits. We say a few words about him, read from his botanical journals. He wrote the most beautiful things about the forest. He was really important to me.Isreally important to me. I was feeling sadder than usual. I don’t know why. I told her I needed her present with me. No phone. No videos. No social media. I did not want to be Love Sullivan n Aubs.”
“And she put it online,” Kia said with an infinite gentleness.
“Yep. She said sadness was trending. Other influencer couples had posted crying videos and they’d gone viral. I didn’t find out until Nina saw it. She knew I’d told Aubrey not to film. And the comments people had posted were actually really sweet. A lot of people who’d known my grandpa commented. It’d almost have been okay, except when I told Aubrey I’d seen it, she had all these bullshit excuses. She hadn’t asked me to change anything about the day. I should have noticed her filming at the ceremony. Why did I care that she was filming; I never looked at our feed anyway? This was her dream, and I just treated it like some annoying hobby. We fought that night. I hate fighting. Finally, I asked her if social media disappeared, and there was no Love Sullivan n Aubs, would she want to be with me. She said it was a stupid question because social media wasn’t going away.”
“Did she say she loved you?”
“Not that night. She said it when she realized I was breaking up with her the next morning; she said it over and over. I almost took her back. I was just about to. Then she said,What happens with Love Sullivan n Aubs if we break up?She was more upset aboutlosing her influencer status than she was about losing me.”
Kia’s arms were around her before Sullivan had drawn another breath.
“I will dox her until she leaves the country.”
“Don’t get yourself arrested. She’s not worth it.”
Kia leaned in and caressed the back of Sullivan’s head where the barber shaped her hair into a short undercut. It was an intimate touch, the kind of touch Sullivan would never expect—or want—from Opal or Nina. Sullivan felt a wash of pleasure and release. Her shoulders loosened. Kia squeezed her closer.
“Alice Sullivan, you are so easy to love.”
It felt like Kia was trying to press the words into Sullivan’s heart with her embrace, like she wanted to hold Sullivan and the sentiment in her hands until they melted together and Sullivan believed her entirely.
Then Kia froze as if she’d realized she’d crossed a line. She pulled away. Sullivan wanted to pull her back.Say it again. Hold me.
“I get why you don’t like social media,” Kia said with a nervous cough.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s your job.”
“Exactly. I do it for a living, not to make myself feel important. My relationships are real. I don’t love people for show.”
“I wonder, sometimes, if Aubrey and I would have lived happily ever after if there wasn’t social media. I think we really clicked before the whole influencer thing. When she’s being real, she’s amazing.”
Did a flash of jealousy cross Kia’s face? No. That must be Sullivan’s imagination because… did she want Kia to be jealous? Just a little bit?
“Now Opal is trying to set me up with every single person sheknows.”
“You’remywife.”
“Are you jealous?”
“Of course I’m jealous.” Kia turned away haughtily, then turned back to Sullivan and grinned. “But I already cuffed you, so I don’t have to be.” Kia winced dramatically. “I didn’t cuff you very romantically. No one is giving me prizes for wooing women, but… I do succeed at everything I try.”
She settled back into the love seat. The distance between them felt shorter. Everything Aubrey had done felt farther away. Kia’s words and her touch pushed Aubrey down in the algorithm of Sullivan’s memories. Kia poured some more wine in their glasses, even though they’d only taken a few sips. The gesture seemed to say,Let’s stay awhile. They chatted about the Tennis Skort and about Opal and Nina. Kia told stories about her father’s spaniels, and they compared preferences: lemon or lime, notepad or Post-its, summer solstice or first snow. Eventually it was time for bed. Kia lingered, perched on the arm of the love seat after they’d ostensibly gotten up.
“Sullivan? Tonight when we kissed, did you… I mean… you didn’t… You kissed me because you had to, right?”
“I didn’t have to. I’m not that afraid of ruggers. But you’re lovely to kiss, and it is part of our plan.”
Had Kia wanted their kiss to be real? Had she felt the same thrill of desire and recognition Sullivan had?Has it always been you?Sullivan stared at Kia. Sullivan had half a second to make the most emotionally fraught decision of her life. She could say,I think I feel something for you. That would probably lead to Sullivan’s bed and a glorious, ill-advised night and then emotional upheaval on par with an earthquake. Or Sullivan could stick to what she’d said.It’s part of our plan.Her body longed for Option One. Her heart likedit too. Her brain was an overtaxed parent trying to corral two bad children.
And the moment passed.
“I… I think we should go along with the plan.”
“Absolutely,” Kia said. Sullivan felt like she was watching a door closing. “We won’t kiss again unless we’re bullied by ruggers.” Kia’s laugh was the live equivalent of an emoji. The meaning was clear, but there was no heart in it. Then with a singsong “good night,” Kia disappeared upstairs.
