“I caught one. And I wanted to put it in my dollhouse, but my mom said wild things stay in the wild.”
Kia could see the Mega Eats woman hesitate. You couldn’t shut down an adorable girl in pigtails.
“I’m sure you’re very good at catching snakes,” she said with the syrupy sweetness people used on children when they didn’t understand children were actually people.
“No. I need you to use your ears and listen right now.” The girl’s cadence was perfect. Some adult in her life said that frequently. “I said I caught one. It’s little, and it has a little smile on its face. Its tongue goes like this.” The girl flicked her tongue.
“I think that’s all snakes,” the woman said.
The girl’s face hardened. “They’re not all little. The green anaconda is five hundred fifty pounds and—”
The girl’s mother pulled her back into the crowd.
“The point is,” the woman went on, “this marriage is a fraud. You barely know each other, and, from what I’ve heard, you don’t even like each other.”
“I absolutely do know Sullivan,” Kia said. “I know she grew up in these woods and that her grandfather taught her about the forest. I know she can catch a newt, and she knows way too much about the mating habits of slugs. I know she talks to her food while she’s cooking and grows squash. I’ve tasted her coq au vin, her stuffed salmon, her handmade pasta. I know she can make an anchovy-cornichon vinaigrette that will change your life and a crème brûlée that will make you cry it’s so good. She drinks her wine too young, and her hair looks like a tornado in a wheat field in the morning. And I was jealous of every guy she dated when we were in school.”
Sullivan took the microphone from Kia.
“And I know Kia grew up on a yacht and read Sappho off the coast of Greece. I know she had a spaniel named Julia Child. I know she makes every place she visits better, and when she serves people at her food truck—which she calls the Diva—she cares about every one of them. I know she spent years looking for a 1968 Wind Searcher Pop-Up Pavilion to go with her RV. I know she’s afraid of snakes, and she’s still here today. She’s that kind of person. She’s brave, and she’s confident, but she doesn’t put herself in front of everyone or everything else. And I know she can cook things with Pop Rocks that should never touch candy, and that whatever she makes tastes like love itself.”
The crowd cheered. The giant snake puppet undulated. Someone yelled, “Boooo Mega Eats.” The woman checked her watch, and in the most anticlimactic response to an impassioned speech, she said, “I don’t get paid enough for this. We’re not union,” and walked off, her dog snagging a stray french fry on its way out.
chapter 37
Kia spotted Markand Nina in the courthouse hallway as soon as she and Sullivan arrived.
“Let’s huddle in a conference room for pregame,” Nina said as they crossed the glistening floor to the escalators.
“I thought we were going up against each other,” Kia said to Sullivan.
“Not since you two decided to throw yourselves on your proverbial swords.” Nina rolled her eyes. “God, you’re perfect for each other.”
In an elegant, windowless conference room near the courtroom, Nina took the lead.
“How are we feeling?” Nina went on without waiting for an answer. “Let’s get the nerves under control.” Nina took in a deep breath and beckoned them close with a hand wave. “Come on, just a few deep breaths.”
It was a helpful exercise since Kia had forgotten how to breathe.
“The time is going to fly by,” Nina went on. “I need your full focus. We’ve been over this before. Mulroney is going to try to trip you up. Take you off your game. Don’t take the bait. We want you to tell your love story, but we don’t want you getting all emotional. Emotional means there’s lots of words spilling out. Emotional means mistakes. We don’t want that.” Kia and Sullivannodded their understanding.
“Just answer the question asked and no more,” Nina said.
“We got it,” Kia and Sullivan said in unison.
“This is Mega Eats’ shit show, so Mulroney will present his case in chief, and then we’ll present ours. Mark and I agree when it’s our turn, Kia will testify first and then Sullivan.” Nina looked at her watch. “We’d better head in.”
The bailiff unlocked the courtroom and they took their seats at counsels’ tables.
“All rise. The Honorable Judge Edward Harper presiding,” the bailiff boomed.
“Please be seated.” The judge shuffled some papers on the bench and adjusted his glasses. “Are there any prehearing motions this morning?”
The attorneys all said no.
“Is everyone ready to proceed?”
Nods all around.
