Frances sat down on the ground and sighed. “I was hoping she was sleeping.” She picked a piece of grass and tossed it down. “When the carriage went upside down and around, I was scared. The baby was crying before the accident, but everything was so quiet afterward. I could hear the drip of the rain, and it was falling on my face. I looked over at Mama, and her eyes were closed. She looked so pretty.”
Her Papa took her hand, holding it tightly.
“Her hair was floating in the water, and she looked like she was sleeping. I found her hand, and it was cold. My hand was cold too, but not as cold as hers.” She looked at Papa. “Is it cold under the ground?”
He shook his head. “She’s not cold anymore.”
Frances sighed again. “I miss Mama,” she said, feeling the sting of tears and then tasting the salt of one as it rolled down her cheek and past her lips. “I don’t want her to be dead.”
“Neither do I, sweetheart.” Papa took her in his arms, and she cried against his shoulder until she didn’t have any more tears left.
Chapter Nineteen
Rory had kissedFrances on the forehead before she went back inside. Bloom had come by the church with Admiral, and she wanted to play with the dog. The groundskeeper had promised to see her safely into Lady Emory’s care.
He envied his daughter her youth. She might weep for a half-hour in his arms and five minutes later laugh and smile and scamper away to play with a dog. He wished he could put away emotions so easily. He still sat near Harriet’s headstone. When he looked at it, his emotions didn’t tend toward grief. Once, he had felt anger when he thought of her. Now only guilt lingered.
He saw something move out of the corner of his eyes and turned to see Genevieve standing nearby. “I didn’t want to disturb you,” she said. “But you didn’t come home. Should I leave?”
“No. It’s time for me to go back inside.”
“Frances said she cried so much she ran out of tears,” Genevieve said. “It’s good that she was able to express her grief. I wouldn’t blame you for still grieving Harriet.”
Rory looked up at her. “I’m not grieving her. I can’t seem to…” He shook his head and looked back at the gravestone.
After a few minutes, Genevieve sat beside him. She didn’t speak, simply sat there. When he took her hand, she squeezed his reassuringly.
“I can’t seem to let go of my guilt,” he said, staring at the headstone. “Maybe I’m not meant to.”
“You still believe her death was your fault? Because of the curse?” Genevieve asked, her gaze on the headstone as well.
“I’d believe it was my fault even without the curse,” he said. “I was the one who ordered her to come to Devon. I should have gone to her in London. What sort of man tells his wife to travel so far with two children, and one only an infant?”
Genevieve didn’t speak, and Rory knew she probably didn’t want to hear about his previous marriage, but he also owed her an explanation for his behavior the past few days.
“I think you know that Harriet and I separated early in our marriage. I won’t say she trapped me into matrimony, because I was hellbent on marrying her and nothing would have dissuaded me. I thought I was in love with her.” He stared at the headstone, not wanting to see Genevieve’s face as he spoke.
Rory let out a slow breath. “But the girl I married didn’t exist. While we were betrothed, she pretended she loved me. But once we were wed, she made it clear she couldn’t stand the sight of me. What’s more, she loathed my touch. I was twenty-two and as randy as any man that age, else I would have avoided her bed more than I did. But after Frances was born, we bought Lilacfall Abbey, and I spent more and more time here without her. Soon we spent all our time apart.
“I honored my marriage vows,” he said, finally glancing at Genevieve. “As far as I know, she did too. But I wasn’t a good father. It wasn’t Frances’s fault we separated. I shouldn’t have shut her out of my life. I thought she was too young to notice or even know who I was.”
“She knows who you are now, and you are well on your way to becoming an excellent father.”
He gave her a rueful smile. “Don’t say you didn’t have your doubts about me.”
She smiled back. “Maybe a few, but it didn’t take me long to realize that you are not as hardheaded as you pretend to be.” She tapped his head lightly. “Your first instinct is to refuse any and every request. But once you think about it, you’re willing to be reasonable.” She squeezed his hand again. “Your heart is not nearly as hard as your head.”
Her words left him feeling as though his greatcoat had been ripped off in the middle of a blizzard. He was exposed, vulnerable, and he wanted to burrow into the ground and hide there. Instead, he took a breath, and then another.
“It might have been more beneficial if I’d had a harder heart,” he said. “I would have given up on Harriet and our marriage years before she died. Instead, I tried to reconcile. Shortly after my twenty-ninth birthday, I went to London and made every attempt to woo Harriet. I bought her dresses, diamonds, took her to the theater and one ball after another. She’d always resented how, after our marriage, I had control of her dowry. I’m a younger son, and my father made it clear that, once I was of age, I’d receive nothing from him. I would have gone into the army if I hadn’t met Harriet. I wasn’t looking for an heiress, but when I was courting her, she made clear, over and over again, the benefits her large dowry would have for our lives.”
“She wanted your family connections,” Genevieve said. “To marry the son of the Duke of Tralee.”
“Yes. My father warned me she only wanted to be Lady Emory, but I thought she loved me. In the end, he was right.” Rory shook his head. “He won’t ever let me forget it, either. I thought giving her gowns and jewelry and escorting her to the most exclusive Society balls might mend things between us. They didn’t, and it wasn’t even a month before I returned to Lilacfall Abbey. But I was there long enough for her to become pregnant with my son.” Rory squeezed his eyes shut. “I should have gone back to London. I should have been there when hewas born. I should have gone to her, not demanded she come to me. Even without a curse, the journey would have been difficult and dangerous at that time of year. The roads might be icy, and the weather is rainy and unpredictable.”
“It was an accident, Rory. You can’t blame yourself.”
“And maybe I could move past it if I hadn’t made another grievous error.” He looked at Genevieve, whose green eyes were filled with concern. “You asked me if I thought marrying you had been a mistake. The truth is, yes. It was a mistake.”
