Twenty minutes later, in a small but clean room, Katie dipped a linen cloth in warm water and dabbed it at Carlisle’s temple. She was not being particularly gentle.
“Shall I fetch a surgeon, Your Grace?” Ebenezer asked.
“I don’t think it’s that deep,” she said. She turned, found a coin in her pocket, and pressed it into the servant’s hand. “Get something to eat and then rest. I won’t need you again until morning.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
The door closed, and Carlisle leaned back. He touched his forehead. “This could have been avoided if you’d just done as I bade you and gone home.” His tone was still surly, but not as cold as before.
Katie crossed her arms. “This could have been avoided if you had been at home, where you belong.”
Carlisle blew out a breath and closed his eyes. Finally, she saw his mask drop, saw the vulnerability he had been hiding. “I can’t do it,” he said. “I just can’t do it any longer.”
“Can’t do what?” Her lungs tightened, and she couldn’t breathe. What would she say if he said he couldn’t be her husband any longer? Could she continue to be strong if that was her next test?
“I can’t play the perfect duke, the landowner, the farmer. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if I can make a success of Carlisle Keep.”
“And you think I know?” she shot back.
He opened his eyes, his brows rising. Well, she would not apologize for her tone. He needed to hear it.
“I am just as lost as you. I am just as scared as you.”
He stared at her. “You never seem scared. You always act like you think I can do anything.” She knelt before him, and he shook his head. “Stand up. Don’t do that.”
Katie ignored him and took his hands in hers. “I don’t think you’re perfect, and if I look at you like that it’s because I love you. I believe thattogetherwe can do anything.”
“Trite words.” He shook his head, and his hair fell into his eyes. “Together we can fall into poverty and lose everything.”
“Then we’re paupers together. I don’t care. Be lost with me, Henry. Be scaredwithme. You don’t have to pretend to be brave. You can tell me. You can lean on me. I am no delicate flower who will wilt at the first hard rain. Surely, you see that.”
“You should leave.” He released her hands and stood, pacing away. “You wanted to go to France and paint. You should go.” He reached into his waistcoat, withdrew a purse, and pressed it into her hands. “Take this and go. I’m not good for you. I tried to stay away from the tables, and I couldn’t.”
Katie looked down at the purse, then back at Carlisle, who was walking away from her. She didn’t have to pretend she was angry any longer. She lifted the purse and hurled it, hitting him square in the back.
“Ow!” He rounded on her, and she marched up to face him nose to nose.
“I’m not leaving for France or anywhere else. You made a mistake tonight, but that’s not the end of us. I am not walking away from you, no matter what you say or do.”
“If you had any sense, you’d leave now before I drag you down,” he shouted.
“Why?” she shouted back. “Because when you made mistakes in the past, that’s what others did? You think because your father left you in that horrid school in Scotland that I’ll leave you too? You want to keep testing me? You want to gamble away the last of our savings at every inn this village has to offer? Go ahead. I am not leaving you. I love you, Henry Lewis. I want to be with you. I don’t care if you’re a duke or a farmer or a penniless wretch. I love you!”
He stared at her, his breaths coming hard and fast, as though he had been the one raging.
“Stop pushing me away,” she demanded. “Let me in, and we’ll fight together.”
His gaze burned into her, his eyes hard and blue. And then he was reaching for her, and his mouth was on hers. She felt the need, and she gave him everything she had—all the passion, all the love, all the desire. He pushed her back against the wall, kissing her like a man who had been drowning and just surfaced for air.
He pulled back. “I didn’t want to need you. I didn’t want to love you.”
“You were afraid you’d lose me.” She kissed him and pushed his coat off his shoulders. “You won’t lose me.” She started on his neckcloth, cursing the complicated knot.
“I could slip back. I hear it at night sometimes. The rattle of the bones.”
“Then wake me up.” She pulled his shirt out of his breeches. “And I’ll drown it out for you. And if you slip back”—she drew his shirt up and over his head—“I’ll find you and bring you home.”
She kissed his chest, then switched positions and pushed him against the wall, kissing his abdomen and sinking lower.
