“You don’t have to protect me, Katie. I don’t deserve your loyalty or your love. I took your virtue out of selfishness, and now I’m dragging you down with me, just as I said I would.”
“I see Byron isn’t the only one who exaggerates.”
He looked up at her. “Wait until you see Carlisle Keep. It’s not an exaggeration.”
“And what about when you said you took my virtue out of selfishness? You didn’t even receive any pleasure from it.”
“Neither did you.”
She felt her cheeks heat and didn’t dare mention that he’d given her pleasure before intercourse.
“If I were truly a gentleman, I would have left you alone. Now I’m dragging you across England to elope. I’ll probably spend the wedding night playing cards in the inn and losing our last coins.”
“No, you won’t,” she said. “Your days of gambling are over.”
He raised his brows.
“They are,” she said. “Gambling was like when you misbehaved at school.”
“How so?”
“You misbehaved to garner your father’s attention. When that was no longer an option, you found another outlet for your frustration. Wagering more than you could afford was exciting. Win or lose, you had the thrill of the game. But you don’t need that thrill any longer.”
“I don’t?” His brows went higher.
“No. You had a hole in your life. You filled it with misdeeds and then with reckless wagers. But now you’ll have me, and perhaps, one day, children. We’ll love you, and that’s all you ever really needed.”
Carlisle stared at her, hope lighting his eyes. “What if you’re wrong? What if I just need the wagers and even love won’t fill that void?”
“I’m not wrong.”
His gaze locked with hers, and he pulled her close and kissed her gently. It was the first time he’d kissed her where she felt there was emotion behind the kiss, not just need or desire. She leaned into it, kissing him back, willing that emotion to deepen.But after a moment, he pulled away and turned to look out the window. He kept her hand in his, and she relished that gesture.
Secretly, she was terrified. She had no idea if her love would be enough to keep him from returning to the gambling tables. She had no idea if he could ever be tempted away from rash wagers. She certainly didn’t think her love alone would be enough.
But if he loved her back…
If he loved her in return, then he might be willing to fight the demons. He might allow her to fight them with him. Could she make him fall in love with her? She’d been trying since they’d fled Carlisle Hall, and though she felt secure that he liked her very much, she didn’t think he loved her. Not yet. He might never allow himself to love her.
Katie clutched her stomach, which cramped with a sudden pain. If he didn’t fall in love with her, then she’d made the biggest mistake of her life.
Chapter Seventeen
The night Henryhad fled Carlisle Hall with the servants on his heels and his mother’s whispered “idiot” in his ears, Henry was certain he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. He’d always known he’d have to marry at some point, but he’d always moved that point further away. When he was nineteen, he told himself he’d marry at five and twenty. At five and twenty, he told himself thirty was a good age. As he’d approached thirty, he decided forty was when he would chain himself to wedded bliss.
But here he was at thirty, his coach driving into Gretna Green in the early morning hours, his intended asleep on his shoulder. He did not feel ready for what lay ahead. And yet the carriage was slowing.
“Katie, we’re here.”
She didn’t stir, and he was loath to wake her. She deserved a few hours’ sleep before her wedding. Unfortunately, he couldn’t give that to her. They had to find an anvil priest now and do the deed. He didn’t think she would even mind marrying in her traveling clothes and blinking sleep out of her eyes.
He’d never met a woman like her. A woman who insisted he was a better man than he knew he was. Henry felt his regard for her growing with each passing day. He felt himself becoming more attached to her, liking her more, enjoying their time together. He was lucky to have found her. Whether she was equally fortunate was still to be determined.
“Katie, wake up,” he said, shaking her gently. She opened her eyes and smiled up at him, and that smile did strange things to his belly. When she smiled like that, he wanted to pull her close and shield her from every bad thing in the world.
Ridiculous. He couldn’t even shield her from the worst thing in her world—himself.
“Are we in Gretna Green?”
