Maddie watched as he tried to compose his features and finally turned away from her, crossing to the window and parting the heavy burgundy draperies. The sun was bright in the sky, and the light touched Jack’s dark hair, making the blue-black waves gleam.
“My mother was a lot like you,” he told her. “She had all these charities and societies and benevolent works. She was always going to help this orphan or that widow.” He turned and looked at Maddie, and the pain was still there. But now it was something hard and tight in the lines of his face. “Sometimes she took my brother and me along with her. She was away so much, I seldom saw her, so the opportunity to spend time with her—even in a hospital surrounded by sick people or a filthy flat housing ten people—was a treat.”
Maddie could imagine Jack, a small darkhaired boy who missed his mother. Did he lie awake late at night, waiting for her to tuck him into bed? When he scraped his knee or banged his toe, did he wish she were there beside him to kiss it better?
Maddie bit her lip. When she looked at Jack now, she could see the loneliness and disappointment in his eyes. She moved closer and put her hand on his shoulder, but he turned away to stare out the window. “I didn’t know, Jack.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know,” he said, voice cold. “You don’t know what people are capable of. You don’t know what they can do.”
“What happened?” she asked quietly.
Jack blew out a puff of air. “My little brother was always in trouble. Even back then.” He smiled faintly, probably remembering some mischief from the past. “I was two years older, so it was my duty to watch him, to keep him safe. One day my mother went to visit a widow. The woman lived in some seedy part of the city, near the river. I’ll never forget the stench of that place. It smelled like rotting fish and decay.”
Maddie knew that smell well. She’d come to associate it with poverty and sickness.
“Nick and I were told to wait in the drawing room—if you could call it that—and it was fine for a while, but then Nick started to get restless. I was tired and sick of dealing with him. I was stupid—only ten—and I didn’t think. He wanted to go outside, and I couldn’t blame him. Anything for fresh air. So I pretended not to see when he sneaked out the door. I figured he’d be back in a few minutes. The next thing I know my mother was shaking me awake and asking where Nick was.”
Maddie wanted to hold him again, but she didn’t dare. She was afraid he’d stop speaking or push her away.
One thing about her husband was becoming abundantly clear: He was always taking care of others. No wonder, as it appeared he knew little else.
“So we went to look for Nick, and we couldn’t find him. We looked up and down every street, in every filthy nook and cranny. The more we looked, the more distraught my mother became. We split up, and goddamn it, I should have never left her alone.”
“Jack, you were just a boy.”
“No,” he said, rounding on her. “I was supposed to protect her. Both of them. I failed. Oh, I found Nick, all right. He was playing dice with a bunch of boys and taking them for everything they had. He was always a good gambler. But when we went back to find my mother, she was gone. By sheer luck—if you want to call it that— we turned into a blind alley and saw her. Three men had her. Big men, and they—”
Maddie closed her eyes, nausea rising within her. Suddenly, Jack’s arms were around her. He was shaking, but his voice was even.
“This isn’t a story you should hear, sweetheart,” he whispered into her hair. “This isn’t something I want you to know, to think about.”
Maddie pulled back, gazed into his eyes. “Tell me the end. Tell me what happened.”
Jack’s eyes went hard again, hard and far away. “I was too afraid to intervene. I was afraid they’d hurt me. I was paralyzed with fear. Nick and I hid, and we saw it all. I sat there and watched my mother raped and beaten and murdered, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. Because I was too much of a bloody coward.”
“No, Jack.”
“I keep telling you that I stick my neck in the noose for no one. Now maybe you’ll believe me.”
“You were a child, a boy. Your mother would have wanted you to hide, to keep Nick safe.”
“My mother would have wanted me to do something. To save her. I stood there and cried like a baby, and that was the last time I cried. I didn’t weep when I told my father what had happened or at the funeral or even at the grave site. People say I have no heart.” He closed his eyes, swallowed. “They’re right.”
His voice broke on the last word, and Maddie had to hold back tears. She took his hand, tried to hold it, but it was cold and unyielding. “They’re not right, Jack. If you didn’t have a heart you wouldn’t have helped me, you wouldn’t have risked your life so many times.”
He straightened, once again in control of his emotions. “I did what I had to in order to save myself. Either that or I rushed in without thinking. Monstrous trait.”
“No. You rush in because you care. You married me because you care. I won’t believe you don’t care about me, Jack. I know you do.”
“You’re my wife, and I made a commitment. Keeping you safe does benefit me, sweetheart. One day I’ll need an heir.” His voice was calculating, his smile cold.
Maddie shook her head. She knew he wasn’t the selfish coward he tried to make everyone think he was. But he hadn’t yet forgiven himself, and until he did, he would never see the brave, heroic man he’d become.
“I won’t allow anything happen to you, Maddie,” Jack was saying. “I won’t stand by while you’re attacked, beaten—”
“Jack, that’s not going to happen. I’ll take precautions.”
“You’ll choose one charity and do work for them only if I am with you. The rest of the time you’ll stay here, where I know you’re safe. Discussion over. I have a meeting with my man of affairs in an hour, and I’m going to eat breakfast.”
