“Nah, we’ve got plenty of time,” Adam said, taking a seat near the esky.
“It’s a surprise party, remember? We can’t really afford to be Adam Henderson fashionably late.”
“Geez, where’s the trust?”
“I just don’t want to miss seeing Tess’s face,” I said, sitting next to Adam who instinctively passed me another Cruiser as I looked over the lake toward Sean’s house.
“Yeah, it’s going to be pretty sweet seeing her face light up,” Adam mused, sipping on a fresh beer.
“Do you think they can see us?” I said, mainly to myself.
Adam craned his neck around to where I was looking. “Oh, I don’t know, I think they will be running around like headless chickens. Amy will be shouting orders and bossing Sean around to hang last-minute lighting.”
I grimaced. “I think I would prefer to be here.”
“Cheers to that.” Adam clinked his glass bottle against mine, and like always, as tradition called, we made eye contact when we ‘cheers’d’, our stare unbroken until we drank, because like any Onslow Boy would tell you it was bad luck if you cheers’d without making eye contact. It was something I really loved, and tried to explain at lunch one time with my city friends, but they’d all looked at me like I was some creeper staring into their eyes.
I laughed at the memory, half expecting Adam to probe on my sudden outburst, but instead of his usual inquisitive nature I turned to see him absentmindedly peeling off the label to his beer. A million miles away, the same serious crease pinched between his brows in deep thought; he looked so much like Chris whenever he did this, it was really unnerving.
“Hey, earth to Adam,” I said, playfully nudging him with my elbow. I expected him to break into a smile, blink into reality and snap into old Adam again, but he didn’t. His frown deepened and I could feel a new anxiety twist my stomach anytime I couldn’t read Adam, which had been a lot lately.
“Adam.” I shifted closer to him, our shoulders touching in that usual comforting way we did. “What’s wrong?”
Adam took a deep swig of his beer, probably taking the moment to stall me from my questions. It worked for a long minute as he swallowed and gathered himself, shaking his head. “No, nothing,” he said, forcing a light-heartedness upon himself that wasn’t fooling me. It was like that time I found him wandering the school yard after his heart had been broken by Megsy; I’d seen straight through him. I suddenly felt ill; was this what this was about? Her? Was he afraid to tell me something, knowing how I felt about her? Had she been looking at the bed in his room remembering sleeping in it last weekend? Had they already slept together? Is this why he had brought me here, in the middle of the lake, prior to the party, to confess his feelings and have my blessing? Was it too late to jump overboard and swim ashore? I couldn’t bear that talk, there would be no way I could stomach this conversation, not now, not ever. Not about Megsy, not about any girl.
I didn’t want to push him. I didn’t want to know. I wanted to simply drift, and drink and laugh like we always did. I didn’t want my memories of the lake to change, to be marred by heartache; surely he wouldn’t do that to me? But, of course, why wouldn’t he? The biggest mistake I had made from New Year’s was not telling Adam how I felt about him, by trying to bury my feelings so deep and deny them, and now here he was, completely oblivious, about to unknowingly hurt me. I suddenly wished he had kicked me off the bus, that he had stayed on and simply driven away. It would by far be easier to go on hating him than loving him knowing that he would never be mine.
I swear I was holding my breath, although I knew that wasn’t true because I could see the heavy rise and fall of my chest as I sat and watched Adam, sitting there, unable to make eye contact with me, his shoulders sagged, his spirit defeated. I would have reached out to him, felt sorry for him had I not been so completely terrified of my heart breaking into a million pieces.
And before I had the courage to be that better person I was working on because of Adam, to pluck up the courage to tell him:
You know you can tell me anything, right?
Adam beat me to it, finally breaking the silence.
“Ellie, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”
I could feel my chest expand, my heart thundering so fast I felt light-headed. This was it. This was the end. And as I felt the sting of tears burn my eyes, Adam went to speak. We were interrupted by the sudden and unexpected beep of Adam’s pocket that made us both flinch. I clutched my heart, convinced it couldn’t take anymore. Adam cursed, delving into his pocket and flipping out his mobile to read the screen; only then did the serious frown lift into alarm.
“Oh shit!”
“What? What is it?” I said, shifting onto my knees, trying to look at the screen.
Adam’s widened eyes lifted to me.
“They’re here. Tess and Toby have arrived.”
Eighteen
We had failed. On so many levels.
We heard the elated screams of “Surprise!” echo over the water just as we closed in to pull up to Sean’s jetty. The approach was frantic, clumsy; I almost ended up in the lake disembarking the boat. I didn’t even wait for Adam; I had one thought and one thought alone. I abandoned my thongs, hitched up my skirt and bolted toward Sean’s house, which of course was about eleven million steep steps away. I could hear Adam make up some ground; he was practically on my heels as we made our way up to the house. Seriously, why build on top of a mountain? A stitch pulled at my insides and I could barely breathe through the pain but I had to keep going, I had to press on as if my life depended on it. As if by some small miracle we would get to the top and not be too late. I had wanted so badly to be the first face for Tess to see, standing there next to Adam. The way I had envisioned it had been so poetic. Never once did I think I would be barging in late, all dishevelled and sweaty, my hair all tangled and messy, breathless and completely, as always, stealing the limelight, but not in a good way.
We burst through the main entrance to Sean’s house, a giant, modern wooden door that opened out into a long hall. We entered so fast we slid along the floorboards, Adam stopping me from toppling over.
“This way,” he breathed, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me toward the loud voices and music. A part of me wanted to simply turn around and head back to the boat. I felt like a feral gatecrasher to a party, that everyone would turn around and stare at us. The two worst best friends in the whole world.
Thankfully we slid into the back of the room, undetected except by those we momentarily distracted as we slid past them. Adam pulled me through the thick of the crowd in the large open lounge, with windows that fully opened out onto the deck overlooking the lake. It wasn’t until we shifted to a clearing to the side that we could actually see Tess and Toby. Engulfed by a clustering of family members. Tess’s mum hugging her, pulling back and wiping the tears from Tess’s cheeks; she was crying, but she was happy, I could see that much. I could feel my own eyes flood with the overwhelming feeling of happiness, and complete devastation that I hadn’t been here to see her face, to witness her utter shock of such a beautiful moment when everyone yelled “Surprise”. I felt Adam squeeze my hand and I looked at his profile to see he was experiencing the same intense feeling of pride. His eyes were shiny with a raw emotion and it made me want to throw my arms around him and never let go. But I didn’t. Instead, I let go of his hand and excused myself past the crowd toward the happy couple, waiting to the side as their parents finished up their congratulations and how excruciating it had been keeping it a secret for so long. I really wasn’t the most patient person but nothing else mattered because past all of her family Tess’s eyes locked with mine, and she started crying all over again. She moved past her mum and dad and closed the distance toward me, wrapping her arms around me, crushing all the air from me. The familiarity of my best friend’s embrace had me ugly crying into her hair.
