Chris ignored the question. “Drink?”
“Squash on the rocks.”
“Wow, squash on the rocks, you need to calm down.”
I laughed as Chris loaded up a pot of ice, shoving in a wedge of lemon before grabbing the pre-mix gun and filling it up with bubbly goodness. I watched Chris’s profile; there was no mistaking he was Adam’s brother. Same dark colouring, deep brown eyes and on the rare occasion Chris smiled, it was the same bright, brilliant smile that sent many a heart fluttering. It was that ol’ Henderson charm.
“So where is everyone?”
“They’re up at Sean’s place, setting up the final details for tomorrow night,” Chris said rather unenthusiastically.
Knowing Chris he probably thought there were better things to do, like work and earn money. Whereas business-partner-in-crime Sean Murphy worked hard and played hard as well; sometimes the two things clashed. I took a moment to bond with Chris on a shared issue.
“Tell me again why we’re having a surprise engagement party?”
Chris sighed as he dumped the drink in front of me, scooping up my change from the bar top.
“Blame Amy; she’s redecorated the top deck balcony leading out of the sunroom and apparently she wants to ‘break it in’,” Chris said sarcastically.
“Oh, for God’s sake, couldn’t she just throw a BBQ?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
Come summer, there was no better place to be, but as time drew on and Amy unveiled each stunning room used for her interior design course, the house became more amazing. She had taken that one thing she loved and made it her life. It had me realising how I seriously didn’t have my life together. Adam’s cousin was younger than me and she knew exactly what she wanted in life, and even though the house was essentially Sean’s, it never felt like that. They were a team, a dynamic duo. I had only recognised that quality in one other couple. Adam and me.
“So where is his Lordship?” I asked, sipping on my squash with an air of nonchalance even though my heart was pounding a deafening beat. God, this weekend hadn’t even begun and I felt on edge.
“Adam’s at home.”
I smiled into my drink, thinking it rather comical that when I said Lordship, he knew I was talking about Adam, but then something really hit me in the pit of my stomach.
Why wasn’t he here?
Chris must have read as much on my face.
“He’ll be here later,” Chris said, as if my concern was a bit pathetic. I could feel my cheeks burn; I really hated feeling like this, needing someone. I’d never needed anyone before now.
“You crashing here tonight?”
“Yep, I’m under house arrest until tomorrow night,” I said, shrugging my bag over my shoulder and extending the handle of my suitcase. “Remember, you haven’t seen me.”
Chris took my empty glass from the bar. “I’ve seen nothing.”
Seven
Heading up the staircase to the second floor of residence was one of the most familiar paths of my life. I almost wondered if there was a track worn into the carpet from all the times I had come up here, quickstepping a path to the very end room down the hall on the right. Adam’s room.
I stopped at the top of the landing, momentarily confused by my direction, even though there was only really one way to go. The door to my left was the apartment where Chris and Tammy called home these days, then there was resident barman, Max, crashing in Chris’s old room next to Adam, and across the way was Amy’s old room which I am guessing was still kind of hers as it was still set up like a childhood shrine of all her things from memory. I guess it was assumed I would crash in Adam’s room like I had done a million times before without any drama or fanfare. Adam and I had slept in the same bed, double swags, tents, toe-to-toe on couches, back of ute trays under the stars: it had never really been a big deal, but now as I stood in Adam’s doorway looking at the double bed that seemed so small, I felt the flutter of butterflies in my tummy. How could I even function being next to him? I breathed out a laugh; get a grip, Ellie, that’s probably why he was home, knowing I would be staying here. He would no doubt be staying at his parents’ tonight.
My shoulders sagged in relief; Adam’s room was uncharacteristically tidy, like he had made an effort knowing I was coming. I dumped my belongings next to the door, resisting the urge to text Adam, Where the bloody hell are you? It’s what the Ellie of old would do, the Ellie BC (Before Crush). I had to remind myself all the time. What would old Ellie do? How would she behave? Old Ellie would have swanned up the staircase, dumped her stuff, and not given a second thought of where Adam was; Adam would get here when he got here and that was it. No dramas. That was the Ellie he expected. That was his friend, Ellie. Once I eased myself into that way of thinking I began to relax.
I sat on the edge of his bed, inhaling deeply, thankful I didn’t have access to my diaries. Out of boredom I would be flicking through the entries, reliving all the angsty, confused writings. But then I realised, I didn’t need to read about it; I had lived it. My memories were very much cemented in my head and there was no shaking them. I groaned, flinging myself backwards on top of the mattress, tears of frustration welling in my eyes. I had to talk to someone, I had to unleash these pent-up feelings, and that meant talking to the only person walking this planet who knew the truth: Tammy. I started to feel the weight lift off my shoulders merely thinking about that. The tension in my frame began to melt a little into the soft mattress top and I could feel my eyelids becoming heavy. It had been an early start. Maybe just a power nap and then I would seek Tammy out, get my head in check before seeing Adam for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. Like most times, even if I tried to fight against it, slowly drifting off, I still managed to dream of Adam.
I felt the dip of the bed, the doona lifting, feeling the coolness at my back from where my T-shirt had twisted higher, exposing my skin, then I felt a wall of warmth pressed up against my back and an arm slide across me, cocooning me in. Half asleep, I pressed back into the warmth; it felt nice, safe, familiar. If this was a dream it was a bloody good dream, one I didn’t want to wake up from. I squirmed and buried myself deeper into the doona, nestled further into the embrace, willing myself back into a deeper sleep. Something that was proving difficult due to a ticklish feeling of air hitting my earlobe. I scrunched up my nose and rubbed at my ear as if to swat a fly until the sensation stopped. That wasn’t for long, and then it was back, waking me up from a peaceful slumber to an irritated reality, never more than when a finger dug into my ear.
“Piss off!” I squirmed away, throwing my elbow into a chest that earned a satisfied oomph sound from the perpetrator.
“Jesus, someone shouldn’t take naps during the day.”
Hearing Adam’s voice, my eyes whipped open. I wasn’t sleepy anymore. No longer was I between the dream world and reality. I was fully cemented in the now. I rolled away from his arm onto my stomach, twisting my head to the side, blinking the sleep from my eyes, and tucking a curtain of hair behind my ear. There Adam lay, his head resting on his hand, grinning at my dishevelled, sleepy state.
