A tinge of hysteria colors my voice, caught between laughter and sucking back air to smother my desperation. So much for trying to keep it together for Ben. He’s going to think me completely off my head and there goes any hope for our first date together at the end of it.
“Ach. I’m sorry,” says Ben comfortingly in my ear. “The coaches aren’t running tonight because of a snowstorm out that way.”
“How do you know?” I blink away tears. Tears! My body’s betraying me out in public. It’s like one of those dreams where I wake up naked in school and everyone’s staring. The rational part of me says nobody’s paying attention to me out here, but that part’s packed it in for the night.
“Because I checked,” says Ben simply. “I was thinking of you.”
“You…you did that?”
“Of course. I wondered how it’d be for you traveling to Wales tomorrow.”
I gulp, tears caught up on my eyelashes. God, the things he’s doing to my insides. Even a little thing like that, I feel cared for, even at a distance.
“And then I tried looking up a hire car, and it’s hundreds of pounds, never mind the petrol and all of that.” My voice falters.
Shit, I’m definitely, regrettably back to tears again. Perfect. I sniffle.
“And I’m breaking my promise to Carys that I’ll be there to open gifts together on Christmas. I mean, I know she doesn’t even understand what Christmas is, exactly. But I know. And so does Emily and Katherine, Emily’s gran. How could I fuck this up so badly?”
“It’ll be all right,” Ben assures me. I could almost believe him. “What was your plan to get to Wales?”
“I was going to take the train. Now I remember that last year I went a day ahead instead and I’ve been so busy I didn’t think properly and didn’t book an advance ticket.”
Ben’s gone quiet. That’s it. He’ll tell me thanks but no thanks now, thinking better of getting involved or having strings-free sex with a man who can’t even remember public transport doesn’t run properly over Christmas.
I take in a shaky breath, bracing myself.
“Charlie?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve got an idea.”
“What’s that? Are you dumping me? Can you dump someone when you haven’t been on a proper first date together?” I ask desperately, unwanted anxiety taking over my mouth again. What’s the record for being pre-dumped before a proper pre-date? God, I’m going to find out. “Wait. Don’t answer that. Shit. You’re going to answer that, aren’t you?”
Ben laughs, but it’s not an unkind laugh. “Far from it. Do you want to hear my idea? I’m definitely not dumping you, by the way.”
I gulp. And make myself take a steadying breath.
“What’s that?” I ask finally.
“Well, I don’t have the power to make trains start or planes fly or coaches run at will…” Ben begins.
So far, his idea isn’t helping. My stomach sinks to the impressive depths of the Northern Line.
“But—you’re welcome to borrow my car. It’s just parked right now over the holidays.”
Startled out of threatening tears, I blink them away. The shuttered shops blur in the station, along with the bright departures and arrivals board overhead. “You have a car?”
Parking’s incredibly difficult to come by in London. How’d Ben swing that?
“Aye. Well, shared custody of a car. Technically I own it,” Ben explains. “It’s a van, actually. Better for moving kit and people around. But you’re welcome to borrow it. It’s just sitting parked at home in London. I took the train to Edinburgh.”
“Oh!” It takes a full moment for this to sink into my overwrought brain. “Seriously?”
“Aye. ’Tis no problem. My housemate is home in Boston right now. So he’s not borrowing it. Molly, our other housemate, is going to stay with her family in London. I’ll ring her to let her know you’ll be by for the keys. If she’s not there, she can hide them outside.”
“You’re sure it’s safe?”
