“How many hours?”
“Depends on the week, but usually a lot. Right now, nearly full-time, before I go to Wales.”
His eyebrows climb. “And you have a band on top of all that?”
“Yes. But we don’t rehearse as much as we should, though we’re doing more than usual because we have a big gig coming up. We’re trying to do a demo, but it’s hard. I’m working all these hours so I can send money to Emily—Carys’s mum—and there’s not a lot of time or money left over between that and tuition and rent and bills and everything.”
“I feel like a slacker compared to you.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Oh no. This is my doing. I want to do everything I can for Carys. And for Emily. I feel so bad for Emily. She was due to go to uni too, but it was too much with a new baby. And her family didn’t deal well with things either, so she went to stay with her gran in Swansea. At any rate, we’re still very close. Plus, my band’s got a gig soon after I’m back and I’m planning to send my share of that money to her and Carys.”
Ben is silent, considering me for a long moment. “You’ve got to be one of the hardest working people I know. That’s a lot to deal with on your own.”
“Yeah. I suppose.”
Ben pulls me close against his chest. “Like you said, Emily and Carys are the people that count. And yourself, of course.”
I smile at him, reaching out to touch his face, pale stubble against his jaw. Comfortingly rough. “And…what you think matters to me too. Already. You count.”
Despite the dating ban.
He kisses me then, light at first, then deep and lingering.
“Likewise. What you think is important to me too.”
Closing my eyes, I make myself relax in his arms.
“Where did you come from?” I lean into him and the radiating warmth of his body. “To see things this way?”
“I see things as they are. And…” His voice lowers to a conspiratorial whisper as he affectionally nips my ear. “You already know where I come from. Edinburgh. Stockbridge, if you want to be specific.”
I laugh. “Okay, I know that much. Is this a secret baked into shortbread or kept inside Scottish teas? Is this why you don’t drink coffee?”
Ben laughs too. “I’d tell you, but I’d have to kill you. Can’t have all my cultural secrets so easily.”
“I swear you’re some kind of genius, though.”
“Oh, far from it. Time for my confession, before you go far down that road: I didn’t even finish school. Damn thing, this dyslexia. I hated it. I hated school. I hated words on pages. Instead, I worked and lived and got myself into scrapes and out of them again. So, maybe I have some common sense from all this, learning the hard way for almost a decade.”
I let this sink in. “How old were you when you left school?”
“Fifteen,” says Ben. “And to be honest, I think it’s shocking I made it that far. That’s due to my mum and a couple of good teachers. But I was a terrible student, and I was too different to fit in at school. All I wanted was music. So, I left school for music. I needed to make it work. I worked a lot of shit jobs, played in bands, did whatever it took to get by. And I finally made the move down south after the latest band in Glasgow fell apart.”
“And met people like Eleanor in the wool shop and your current band?” I ask.
“Aye, just so.” He reaches out to brush hair from my eyes. “It’s a bit of an unconventional life, but I’m happy with it, and that’s all I can really ask for. The only thing missing, really, is someone to share things with. Have fun with. Have a life with.”
My eyebrows climb as I take another moment to let that all sink in too. “I find it very hard to believe you don’t already have a boyfriend.”
He laughs with delight. “Oh, believe me, boyfriends don’t just grow on trees. Especially in London. There’s not too many trees here to grow them. Not like in the country or up in the Highlands. I mean, I’ve been down to Hyde Park, looking to harvest boyfriends from trees, but frankly, they’re quite picked over.”
I laugh and lose myself to the release. “If I find out you keep a harem of men in your loft…”
“Cleared them out last week, as soon as I met you. I told them it was time to move on. New year, new me, new man, and all that,” Ben says. His eyes dance.
My face hurts from smiling so much. “Oh yeah?”
“Aye. Well, mostly. It’s been tough, though. I might meet someone fun for a night or two, or for drinks, or just for sex. And I have friends for different things. But finding someone who has all the elements together? Now, that’s not easy. I think you’ve got some fine combinations worth exploring. If you feel the same way about me, that is.”
