Idly, she wondered what the prisoners had made of the ash’s sudden clearing. Whether it was taken as a sign of salvation or doom.
“You couldn’t sleep, either?”
His voice pricked down every vertebra of her spine.
Jax came up beside her, close but careful not to touch. He looked nearly as haggard as Bastian did, his cheeks hollow, his eyes fever-bright. He sighed, resting his forearms on the railing. “I’ve tried. But having the plans that you’ve spent your entire lifetime working toward completely upended isn’t conducive to rest.”
“I’m not going to say I’m sorry,” Alie said quietly. “I try not to lie, when I can help it.”
He laughed, a rueful huff deep in his throat. “I would expect nothing less.”
They stood in silence. It wasn’t as comfortable as it had been before, strangely. Everything that should stand between them—his Empire, his plans—had all been expunged, burned out by Bastian finally getting rid of Apollius.
But there was still something in the way.
He felt it, too. After a moment, Jax turned to look at her, and she could feel his gaze like a hand on her cheek. “Alienor. We should talk about what comes next.”
All Alie’s insides were opposing magnets, repelling and drawing her in equal measure. She didn’t know what she wanted.
From the corner of her eye, she saw his hand lift. Twitch. Hide in his coat pocket. “I…” He ran a hand over his face. “I still want to marry you. Apollius may be… wherever He’s gone… and my feelings on Him may be different. But I still think our partnership would be beneficial.”
Now it was her turn to bark a laugh. “Ourpartnership? I suppose this is a business deal, in the end. Might as well talk about it like one.”
“Alie.” His hand did rise, this time, and settle on her arm. “That’s not what I mean.”
She should have shaken him off, but she didn’t. Instead she whirled to him, snarling up into his face. “Then tell me what you mean without making it sound like an entry in your ledger.”
He didn’t match her snarl. He looked at her with such infuriating tenderness, when she was trying to be fierce, as if he didn’t believe someone who looked as soft as she did was capable of being sharp.
And he kissed her.
Alie had been kissed plenty of times. But it had always been for fun, half a joke, with no meaning behind it other than a good time. She didn’t know how to categorize this kiss. Protecting and owning. Gentle but unyielding. He turned so his back was pressed against the railing and pulled her close, shielding her from the wind that seemed to come from all directions, a bite of winter chill.
And there were no gods to help her, and she kissed him back.
When they broke apart, she rested her head on Jax’s chest. Warm, and his heart thumping, steady and even while her own felt like it’d run right out of her ribs.
“I care for you,” Jax murmured, rumbling against her ear. “Could you bring yourself to care for me?”
“It depends,” Alie whispered, because the fact that she did still felt like a weakness.
He nodded, as if he’d expected nothing less. “I still want to send you to Laerdas. Even after all this business with Apollius is over, there will still be war. We’ll have to regroup, but the Empire will—”
“The Empire?” She picked up her head, leaned back to look at him. “What do you mean?”
“Our plans have changed.” Just like he’d said before, but she’d convinced herself thatchangedmeantended. The lights of Auverraine behind him looked like fireflies in his sea-swept hair. “I’m not sure yet how Apollius will figure into our conquering of Caldien, but still, the news of Bastian being Apollius will have traveled, and we can use that to our advantage. No one has to know that he is no longer a god. And there are ways to subtly alter the narrative. Maybe we can say that Apollius has left again, and we must build His Holy Kingdom before He returns.” His eyes were far away as he put plans together, though his arms were still around her. “Yes, that could work nicely.”
“You still want to conquer the continent,” Alie murmured. “You still want to make the Holy Kingdom. Even now that you know Apollius is a fraud.”
“I don’t want to make it for Him.” Jax tipped a finger beneath her chin, brought her closer. “I want to make it for us, Alienor. For our children. The whole world will be at their feet.Theywill be the gods.” He smiled. “I will make an Empire in your name, instead of Apollius’s.”
The growing warmth she’d felt for him, slowly cultivated over months, snuffed out in a second. This was the man who’d pulled out Gabe’s eye. This was the man who had trampled all of the southern continent, left devastation in his wake as he flattened nation after nation and stripped everything from them to build his own power, the power of his family. This was the man whosaw people like pawns, who only acknowledged the humanity of a few and thought everyone else little better than livestock.
This was the man who’d been kind to her, yes. The man who was handsome and promised to treat her well.
But just because his hands were gentle with her didn’t make them any less bloodstained.
“So you’re still making an Empire,” Alie said. “That hasn’t changed. None of this has made that change.”
