I murmured. "I thought you were straight, Torian."
"Yeah..." he said, pulling the prism closer. "I did too, but that's the problem. I don't really know what I think anymore."
"I see." Yet when he continued to stare at the crystal, I had to ask, "So did I cross a line?"
"Pretty sure I crossed that line." His eyes flicked up, then back to the crystal. "Did you know the gate almost closed on me when I was crossing to Earth?"
"No, you never talk about it."
He thrust out his lower lip and nodded, but his eyes stayed on thestone. "See, that's the thing. I wasn't afraid of dying. I've never been scared of it."
"So what are you afraid of, Torian?"
Before me, his fingers tightened on the prism. "Her. They talk about her like she's some icon of Summer, but she's not. I'm fucking terrified of her, because even with all this power, I am still no match for the things she can do. I know it, because she made sure I know it. The only way I had to stop her was my control. As long as it was perfect, I stood a chance."
"And now it's not," I realized. "Ever think it's because you push yourself too hard?"
He laughed once. "Trust me, that's not my problem."
"Then what is?"
He pushed the clear crystal back into the center and flicked his hand. Immediately, pure blue light poured from it, but that wasn't the impressive part. The lack of a beam going in was what shocked me, yet Torian just caressed the angled edge as if he was caressing a pet.
"I'm tired of saying it, Keir."
"Yeah, well, you haven't said it yet."
He just hummed thoughtfully. "Not that. I'm fucking tired of saying I can't talk about it, because that's the only answer I can give you."
So I reached over, placing my hand on his, making him look up. "Believe it or not, it's an answer I'll take. I didn't join the court to learn your secrets, Tor."
"Then why?"
I let my fingers trail over the tendons in his wrist as I pulled my hand back. "Because I wanted to help." I should've left it there, but the words were barely out of my mouth before I realized they weren't quite right. "Because I want someone to need me to help."
He turned the stone. "We need you." And then he pushed blue from the other side. "We also hate that we have to."
"So do I," I assured him. "Trust me, Torian, I fucking hate everything they're doing to you."
"Which is exactly why you're on the court," he said. "You just have no fucking clue what it means."
"It means enough," I assured him. "I prefer to call it friends."
Before me, the light cracked, shifting into an entire rainbow, and Torian let out a heavy sigh. "Damn it."
Chapter Fifty-Eight
RAIN
One evening of suspension wasn't too bad. The next day, we took the long way back from my weapons tutoring hour. Keir, Hawke, and I meandered around the grounds, taking two more dots off the map. Then, that night, I got a copy of it sent to my tablet and headed to the study area. Sure enough, Poppy Hawthorne was in there with her nose in a book.
Together, we merged our information, removing a few marks and putting a few more on her map. She wanted to know where I'd gotten the location of the items, but something warned me not to say too much.
"We talked to Ms. Rhodes about what Nevaeh said," I explained, keeping to things that were very much true, but not necessarily the only truth.
Poppy nodded. "Well, one of the guys in my math class did a calculation of the most likely spots to activate the Hunt, based on their arrival points, times of day, and potential means of activation," Poppy explained. "I then cast a resonance conjuration and found the blue dots. The green came from others doing the same. The yellow are items we know about."
Yeah, my map had more, but all of my dots were red. Working until curfew, the two of us put the maps together, often finding overlapping colors, and then prioritized the area her math buddy had suggested. Sadly, it was a rather big area. Basically the entire corner where the gate stood.
