"What the hell happened in there?" I demanded. "C'mon, I deserve that much. One second, I'm trying to keep you from getting pissed..." I paused as he passed back my notebook. "...The next, the Huntsman's in my face. Torian, don't you get it? I'm faking this!"
"I am too," he growled, leaning in just a little too close. "I didn't even realize I'd done that. I just wanted them to realize it's not funny. It's not a fucking joke! The Huntsman has Aspen on hislist! I didn't even know hehada list, but she's on it, and do you know what it means?"
"Not really, no."
"She. Will.Die." He leaned back, all of his rage gone, leaving behind his real problem: fear.
"She has us," I assured him.
"And we're kids, Rain." He grunted. "I can't even control my magic anymore, and you barely know yours! What the hell are we supposed to do against the bloodhound of the fae world? Try to ask nicely? Well, in case you missed it, he'sfae! We don't care. We don't havehumanity. Nothing matters to us but power, and the more power we have, the more safe we are. The more we can control, the more power we get. All that matters is that. Nothing more and nothing less. Anything else is a failure - and I can't fucking do it!" He ended in a scream.
Yeah, screw this. Tossing my things on the ground, I grabbed the guy's hand on one side and his arm on the other, making him actually look at me.
"She's ok," I said gently. "You're ok. I'm ok and Jack's ok. Hawke, Wilder, and Keir are ok. We survived, Torian."
"Did we?" he asked.
So I squeezed his hand gently. "We're alive, and that means we can fight another day. Besides, you've got me."
"I..." His jaw clenched and the guy looked away. "Rain, I did that."
"The glamour, the protections on the glass, or feeding me magic in the middle of the night?"
That made him look back. "What?"
"Well, I mean, the glamour was kinda shitty, but the rest was pretty amazing."
"The fucking glamour was an accident! Don't you get it? I can'tcontrolit. Ever since…" He grunted. "Ever since I saw Aspen like that, I can't stop! I wake in the middle of the night thinking she's gone. Thinking I'm alone again!"
He tried to turn away, but I refused to let go. "It's not your fault," I told him.
"That's where you're wrong," he snapped. "It'sallmy fault. The only chance I have of fixing this is my power, and my control - but I have no control! I haveneverdone that before, but now I can't control it. I can't stop it. They call me a monster, and that's fine. They say I should die, and it doesn't bother me, but her? She is mysister, Rain. The one thing I can't bear to lose, butshe is on his list!"
"Yeah," I breathed, quickly snatching my things, then catching Torian's hand again before he could leave. "Well, to me, that sounds like PTSD. Now, I'm not a counselor or anything, but I know someone who is, and I kinda think you should talk to him." Then I turned him up the hall.
"What?" he asked, letting me guide him forward.
"Torian, you need to talk to Liam. See, it doesn't make you tough to ignore your mental health. It just makes you fucked up, so let's go do that, ok?"
"But it doesn't fix anything!" he insisted.
"It does," I countered. "You said you can't control it, right? Well, this? This is human magic, Torian. It's how we fix shit, and maybe it's the hard way, but I didn't think you were scared of a little work."
"I'm not."
Which made me smile. "So talk to Liam." I slowed just as we reached the glass-walled administrative area. "And I'm not going to tell Aspen about this, but you should."
"She knows," he said softly.
"Ok." I rubbed his arm. "And so you know, the Huntsman scares the shit out of me too, but losing Aspen scares me more. Kinda proves you don't have to do this on your own."
"Yeah." He stood there for a second, and then nodded like he'd made some kind of internal decision. "I'm glad you picked her, Rain. If you'd picked me, I would've thought you were like everyone else, but you're not." He tried to smile, but only a little flicker at the corners was visible. "You're exactly the Morrigan we needed." His eyes jumped to my shoulder. "You did very good, Jack."
Then he turned and walked into the office, stopping at the desk. I waited in the hall for a moment, making sure Torian wasn't going to walk back out. It didn't take long before my dad stepped into view. The man's eyes saw me through the glass, confusion took over his face, and then he summoned Torian into his office.
Chapter Forty-Nine
KEIR
