"And how will you feel when he does it?" Dad asked.
Letting out a groan, I leaned forward, bracing my elbows on my knees so I could clasp my head in my hands. "I don't know, ok? I also didn't really plan to kiss Hawke, but when it happened, I kinda went with it. And yes, I'll tell them. Promise!"
"So you kissed him?"
"Well, he kissed me first."
Liam chuckled. "So you kissed back."
"Yeah," I mumbled. "Bad?"
"Just explains Hawke's attitude a second ago," he said. "Rain, boys get as flustered about this stuff as girls do. More, in my case, and I have a feeling Hawke is more like me in that respect."
"Than who?" Because if this was a comparison, Dad had to be comparing against someone.
"Bracken was who I was thinking," he admitted. "But it could be anyone. There are guys who seem very confident about making a move. Then there are guys like me, who are sure we'll be rejected for one reason or another. Too ugly, too stupid, too lame, or anything else we can think to worry about that day. Often, all of them at once."
"So did I mess up?"
"No," he said. "Just talk to your girlfriend and boyfriend, make sure it's all out in the open, and you might get some ideas of what to do next fromthem. Rain, this is what it means to grow up. You get to do all the hard stuff for the first time."
"Keir's not my boyfriend," I reminded him. "But what's the deal with the cafeteria? What happened after we left?"
He smiled at me proudly. "Well, thanks to you and Keir, it seems to be still standing."
Chapter Forty-Four
RAIN
Over the next few days, things were nice. Easy, even. The jesters stopped taunting Torian about being a jevadu - at least to his face. Yeah, I still heard people talking about it, but the conversation had shifted a little. Now, they were wondering if he'd strip someone else - since he'd already exposed what he was – and saying they weren't willing to be the one without power.
Because it seemed to the fae, more magic meant more power. Not just the power to cast spells, but also socially - and the social kind was what they longed for most. That had to be what Hawke had thought I was after when he'd mentioned it, but he was wrong.
I didn't want his power - or anyone else's. I wanted my own. Unfortunately, the first step to that was passing my classes, and I had a math test coming up fast. I tried to study for it, but with all the excitement, I wasn't doing well. Worse, when I tried to work on the problems, I never seemed to be able to get the right answer.
Clearly, I'd complained about it a little too much, because on Thursday evening, there was a rap at my door. I opened it to find Hawke standing there with my math book on his tablet. He was holding it towards me like a shield.
"I came for our tutoring session," he explained, sounding a little worried about my reaction.
Yeah, and he'd better, because while Torian hadn't been getting shit,Hawke had vanished. He wasn't staying late for my detention class. Keir was, but he said it was now his detention too. I'd assumed it was why Hawke was avoiding me, but when I'd told Keir what had happened, his only response had been to laugh.
So yeah, I was a little confused. Not pissed, but also not at all happy. Twice now, this guy had made me think he liked me, but the moment I kissed back, he got weird about it? Yeah, no. Not cool.
"What, decide I'm a horrible and terrifying monster or something?" I asked snidely, debating shutting the door in his face.
"Rain!" he begged just as I turned away. "I'm sorry, ok?"
My breath fell out, my shoulders slumped, and I paused. Yeah, ok. Aspen had been so excited when I'd told her about the kiss. She'd squealed with delight, tackled me onto the bed, and demanded I explain everything - between the kisses she'd smothered me with.
And now, here he was.
The problem was I did like Hawke. I liked Keir too. I definitely liked Aspen, and that word no longer felt like enough for this thing she and I were doing, but Hawke? I turned, looking him over for some sign he was playing me, and found nothing.
The guy was tall, but most fae were. Unlike them, his features were sharp and stark. Wilder, by comparison, was almost girly-looking, the sort of beauty that was a little androgynous. Torian was all guy, but in the underwear model sort of way. "Pretty" was the best word I had for the standard fae look, and even Keir had it.
Not Hawke.
He was sexy, but beautiful wasn't the word I'd use. Definitely not "pretty!" Still, all fae looked so much better than humans, which was why they had a reputation for their looks. After being here for most of a semester, I liked to think I was immune to it - but that was a lie. Having so many hotties around, and more than one actuallylikedme? For some reason, that only made it hurt more when Hawke had run the way he had.
