"Or both," I decided. "Thanks, Wilder." And then I groaned. "Sorry."
"No, I'm getting used to it," he assured me. "For you, it isn't ignoring it. It's more like tackling the appreciation head on."
"Exactly."
Chapter Thirty-Five
RAIN
Hanging out with Keir, Hawke, and Wilder was nice. Sadly, it also made me realize how much I'd been putting myself last. When my friends needed space, or time, or for me to accept their culture, I'd done it. They were my friends, right? So, for the last who-knew-how-long, I'd done everything I could to be the kind of person they wanted around.
I had friends. I'd never had them before, so it wasn't like I was good at this shit. I definitely wanted to keep them, so I'd changed, I'd accepted, and I'd ignored anything that bothered me. Not as if it had been bad or anything, I just didn't want to be the annoying girl no one liked.
In truth, I was scared of losing them. The court was thecourt. Not individual people, but a whole. They made it pretty clear being friends with them was a group thing - or so I'd thought. I'd always assumed that if one of them didn't like me, the rest could cut me out, leaving me on my own again.
But seeing Hawke and Wilder go out of their way to make sure Keir knew he was still a part of the group? Yeah, it helped. Hearing them complain about Torian being a dick? It proved I wasn't the only one thinking it! No, he wasn't evil. The guy was simply self-absorbed, entitled, and arrogant as fuck - which meant he ended up walking all over everyone else.
They just didn't complain about it. I hadn't either.
Yet now, he was walking all over Aspen. Because Torian was pissed at Keir, she was locked away with her brother. On Sunday, I saw her for a split second. She waved as she headed into Torian's room. Yeah, I both loved and hated that. The smile on her face at the sight of me? It made me think she still cared - that maybe she wasn't sick of me yet. Seeing her cut off fromherfriends? Not so much.
She loved her brother. I got that. Hell, if I'd had a sibling, I'd probably be the same, and worse if we'd been separated as long as Aspen and Torian had been. Yet having Hawke and Keir both flirting with me? Seeing Wilder encouraging it, and making his smooth, elegant hints that he might agree with their compliments? Something in my mind shifted. These guys were already friends, and being myself hadn't fucked it up at all. Not my insecurities, my ignorance, or any of my other flaws - and I was sure I had a few million.
Yet I couldn't help but wonder if this was why Aspen had encouraged me to flirt and kiss Keir? Had she known this would happen? Did it mean her brother had a habit of isolating her? And the most important question of all: did I need to save her?
When the pair missed lunch on Monday, I was starting to think it might be the case. Naturally, I found a new plant in my room that evening. No Aspen, though. By Tuesday, I was beyond annoyed and getting pissed. The grumbling, snappish, and not caring who I offended type of pissed.
At lunch, I didn't refrain from calling Torian a dick. Hawke tried to explain how there was more going on than I knew, but fuck that. I knew Torian was his best friend, but what chain of events could make it ok for the asshole to not only chase Keir off, but also lock Aspen away? And worse, they admitted it wasn't only because Aspen had been traumatized by the Hunt.
I wanted to tell her that if she cared about me so little, then I'd just date Keir - but that was stupid. It wasn't really how I felt. It was merely my desire to lash out, which would fuck us up. Yet for two weeks now, I'd been pushing this down, trying to talk myself out of it, and ignoring the twisting feeling in my stomach each time I came back to my room to find plants instead of my girlfriend!
But Keir was still there for me. Hell, in my detention class, he and Hawke were competing to help me the most. It was kinda cute, if I was honest. And yes, it made Aspen's absence hurt a bit less, because I felt like they were filling in the void she'd left with her absence.
Halfway across the grounds, on my way back to my dorm, I came to adecision. I was going to give Torian a piece of my mind. That boy didn't seem to give a shit about anyone else! He expected everyone else to deal with his latest whim, and fuck checking in to see howwewere doing. But fuck that! Besides, what was the worst that could happen? I'd lose Aspen?
Well, it sure felt like I already had.
In class, she talked to me, but that seemed to be it. There was always an excuse. Every single time, it came back to her brother! He needed her, they assured me. She needed him. The Hunt grabbing her had changed something, I was told. Well, yeah, it sure as shit had! It had changed things for me too, but Torian didn't seem to care about that! The guy was a selfish and self-absorbed asshole!
He'd proven it over and over. Like the one time he'd helped me study for our end of semester exams? He'd come to the study hall on my side of the dorms and tried to chase off a girl studying there. He didn't care where she would go. His only concern had been that she didn't inconvenience him. But if he thought I'd quietly go away?
Oh, he was about to see what happened when a girl had a backbone.
I just had to make sure mine was still in one piece. The ride up the elevator felt slower than normal, but it was probably because I was trying to convince myself to do this. All I had to do was bang on his door, demand to know if Aspen was ok, and then storm in to tell her I missed her. If he said no, I'd rip that prick a new asshole! After all, it wasn't like he could hurt me with his magic!
I was thinking up what I'd say as I entered my room. Rummaging for a set of clothes, I debated having a shower before going over there, but I was just delaying the inevitable. I shouldn't be trying to impress anyone. No, this was me, and they could -
The sound of something made me pause.
"Rain?" Jack asked.
"Did you hear that?"
He nodded. "Jack-Rain."
"I know," I assured him, because that was one of his favorite phrases.
But the sound didn't come again, so I went back to looking for a clean bra. Mine was sweaty, and I sure as shit wasn't going to wear my gym uniform across the entire campus any longer than I had to.
