"I know, Jack," Wilder said.
"And you're not really helping," I told the crow. "I appreciate you standing up for me and all, but Aspen needs space."
"In truth," Wilder said, "she needs the lack of it. What she's craving is having her brother with her so he can chase away the issues. Torian will also never admit it, but he's cracking too. Rain, they aren't avoiding you. They're trying to stabilize each other."
"I know," I said, and yet it felt empty.
His eyes narrowed. "So you're aware, that has an edge when you say it, as if there's a lie waiting underneath."
"I know, but don't like it," I clarified. "Fuck, I miss her, ok? I feel like I did something wrong! I mean, how long has it been since the Hunt came?"
"Almost two weeks."
I thrust out a hand. "That! It's been two weeks since I've been able to cuddle up with her, or kiss her, or any of the things we used to do. Instead, I find plants in my room. They prove she's been here, but she came when I wasn't here, almost like she did it on purpose!"
"She did." He lifted a hand, begging for a chance to explain. "Rain, her magical control is fragile right now. The part no one has bothered to mention is how strong emotions distract us. They make it hard to keep the shields, or brakes, or whatever-you-want-to-call-it in place."
"Yeah, that's why my shadows activate when I get pissed, huh?"
"Mhm," he agreed. "And I bet they'd do the same if you were falling in love with someone. But think about the mess that would make. A long, lingering kiss ending because shadows are tearing down the walls. Not really what you want."
"No," I agreed. "Is that why she doesn't want to see me?"
"Oh, she wants to," he said. "She's also scared. For the first few days, she kept leaking frost everywhere, and Torian was warming the walls and furniture to melt it away."
"Is she ok?" I asked, knowing it was a stupid, shallow question. I'd asked it a million times already, and it was always my default when someone wanted to talk about her, but I'd probably keep asking it until I got a yes.
Wilder tipped his head to the side. "Something happened during the Hunt's attack." He sighed. "And I cannot say what. I can say it changedthings for her - and has nothing to do with you - but it pushed her training back to when she'd first arrived. We're all trying to help her focus, rebuild her mental walls, and rebalance her power."
"Wait, mental walls?" Because I'd read about those in a few fantasy books, but the fae had never used that term before.
"Her control," he clarified. "For us, magic is like water. You can direct it to obey your will. Now, if you use a piece of paper to turn a river, it's not going to do much good, right?"
"Right."
"But," he went on, "if you build a strong enough and tall enough wall, it would. If that wall has a gate on it, it will stop the flow. If you control the gate - or gates - then you have control. The water flows only where and when you want it."
"Yeah, that makes sense."
"Well, she's up to cardboard," he told me. "That's much better than the air she started with, and stronger than the paper that came next."
"Oh." Not what I really wanted to hear. "So how long until she feels like she can be around me?"
"Could be a day," he said, "or a month. Kinda why I came. Look, you're feeling cut out, right?"
"A little," I admitted.
He flinched. "That's almost painful."
"Ok, a fucking lot," I corrected. "I feel like all of you get to hang out together, but because I'm just human, Jack and I are ignored. I know that's not how it works, but it's how itfeels, and I hate it. So I keep trying to give myself pep talks and be patient, but I suck at it."
"And that is much more true," he agreed, offering one of those elegant smiles he did so well. "Well, Torian tried to chase Keir off. He's now in his own room again, and it can't be easy. I've been trying to spend time with him this morning, and Hawke's over there right now, but we thought maybe you should come too."
"Over there?" To the boys' side?
"It's allowed," Wilder reminded me. "Well, until curfew."
"And you'd be ok with that?" I asked.
