"What's pushing me?" I asked instead.
Liam looked over at Jack. "Let's call it responsibility, because the fear of failure sounds bad."
And yet he was right. I was freaked the fuck out about what would happen if I couldn't do this. Everyone talked about the Morrigan as if I was some miracle whose mere presence would set everything right again. I wasn't! I was just some stupid human girl with no clue how to handle all this fae stuff. Well, a small clue. I still only knew a fraction of what everyone else took for granted!
"So what do I do?" I asked.
"Exactly what you are doing." He shrugged. "Everyone has to start somewhere, but instead of judging yourself against what you could become, maybe try thinking about the girl you used to be? Would last semester's version of you have been able to do what you did out there?"
"No," I mumbled.
"Would last year's version of you have chased down a creature from fantasy books?"
I huffed out a little laugh. "I dunno, maybe? But only if he was hot."
Liam chuckled. "That's my girl. But all I'm saying is that instead of thinking about what you can't do now, focus on how far you've come, ok? Let yourself be proud of your accomplishments, because we are."
Which made me look up in surprise. "Yeah?"
"Definitely," he swore. "Not only Bracken and me either. Ivy, Tag, and Ms. Linden too. Those three all saw you in action."
"Ms. Linden?" I asked, surprised at that because she wasn't one of my teachers.
"It was her botany class," he explained.
Which made me think of another question. "Why are they even allowed to have classes outside, Dad? I mean, if the Hunt can just swoop out and start grabbing people, that doesn't really sound safe!"
"The Hunt comes with a storm," he reminded me. "Those classes are scheduled around the weather. Ms. Linden and Ms. Rhodes checked to make sure it would be a clear and safe day."
"But it wasn't!"
"And the weather forecasts aren't perfect," he reminded me. "They're probably working on new protections and extra safety measures - but we can't lock the fae inside. They're fae, Rain. These people need a little nature in order to thrive. Think of it like locking a lion in a cage. Sure, it might be alive, but how much is it suffering?"
"Oh." Yeah, I could see that. "I just feel like I should be doing more."
"Why?"
"Because I'm the Morrigan!" I rolled my eyes. "Dad! Everyone makes a big deal out of it, and ok, maybe I'm learning quickly, but shouldn't I be trying harder? Or, I dunno, reading more?"
"You," he told me, "should be growing up. You should be spending time with your friends, strengthening your ties to Faerie - and all the fae here count for that. Most of all, I think you have to realize you're not a lion either. No cages, Rain, and too much pressure can quickly become one."
"Even if people die?" I asked.
He nodded. "Even then, because none of this is your responsibility."
"But it is!" I shot back. "That's the thing, Dad. It is because I want it to be. Iwantto be magical, and now I am. That means I have to do something with it, and this is my 'job.' Maybe it's not quite what I was expecting, butit's the one thing I can do. It was the magic I was offered, I guess? I don't even know, but I know I want to get it right!"
"You are," he said. "Rain, you are amazing, don't you see? And maybe you're not used to people saying that and meaning it, but look at your friends! Did Keir try to hold you back? Did Hawke tell you to get behind him? Did Bracken lock you in a closet? Did Ivy stand before you, shielding you?"
"No?" Where was he going with this?
Liam leaned forward, dropping his arms onto his desk. Jack fluttered to keep his perch, but my dad didn't seem to notice.
"I just named some of the best fae warriors on Earth, Rain, and two who could be. They're the people who are supposed to save you, but all of them seemed to think you could take it. Theyrespectyou, Rain. They fought side-by-side with you. To me, that says you're doing exactly what you're supposed to. Now, I'm not a warrior, but I live with one, and I've heard all about what he thinks. Trust me when I tell you this. You. Did. Amazing."
"So why does everything feel shitty?" I asked.
"Because the Hunt exists," he explained. "It's like finding out the monster under the bed is real. Worse, that it can't be stopped."
