"Yeah," I breathed, following him helplessly. "I won't let them do anything to you, though."
"I..." He turned back. "Did I kill that girl?"
"Hawke," I said, catching both of his hands in an attempt to keep him facing me. "I don't know. She wasn't moving, and I'm not sure she was breathing, but I didn't check for a pulse." Then I swept my thumbs over the backs of his hands. "But she was going to kill us."
"I'm supposed to be a duke!" he snapped. "A duke, not a monster!"
"And you are a duke!" I shot back, matching his tone. "A fucking good one, ok? One who puts his people above himself. One who just risked everything, and if the fae - sidhe? Whatever! - can't see that, then fuck them. You, Hawke Woods, are less of a monster than that girl. Fuck, you're less of a monster than Torian, and we actually like him for some reason."
The smallest laugh slipped from his mouth.
"See?" I asked, moving closer. "You know it too."
"But you don't understand," he said, the defiance gone. "Rain, I just lost control in front of everyone."
"No," I told him. "To me, it looked like you were theoneperson in that room who had control."
"And you missed most of it."
I shrugged because he had a point. "Minor details." And I offered him a smile, hoping he'd take the joke for what it was.
But before he could respond, Jack cawed, "Duke!" Then a hand banged on my door.
"Come in!" I yelled, starting to pull away from Hawke just as the door opened. Hawke held my fingers a little tighter in a silent request not to let go. I paused, looking back to see Wilder step in with two cardboard containers of food.
"Lunch," he said, glancing to our hands.
I tried to pull away again, but Wilder shook his head. "Touch helps him, Rain." Then he smiled at Hawke. "And it's ok. No matter what, I will not be ashamed of you."
"I..." Hawke looked at me, then him. "Wilder..."
"Yeah," Wilder said. "Love you too, babe. You're also cute when you get shy." And he turned back to separate the meals, pushing them side by side. "Steak," he said.
I groaned. "I don't want to - "
"For me," Hawke broke in.
My head whipped around in surprise. "What?" I asked, convinced I must've heard him wrong.
Because fae didn't eat meat. They survived on sugar and sunshine or some shit. They all made faces at my meals, which was why I tried to pick the vegetarian options when I could.
"Both of you," Wilder clarified. "Rain, he needs to eat or he'll struggle against his desire to hunt again. Hawke, she eats meat too. Stop fucking hiding shit we all know about." And he stepped back. "I have to go back and help."
"I got him," I promised.
Wilder smiled. "I know, Rain. I'm good with sharing. He's not yet, but I am." Then he winked.
When I looked back, Hawke's face was an impressive shade of pink. "Yeah..." he tried.
"Meat?" I asked, giving him an easy out. "What about the iron in it?"
"I..." He dropped his head and sighed. "Wildlings are less sensitive. Most faelings are worse than we are. That's why Jack doesn't care about your stuff. It's, um, how I helped Torian initially. I could move things he couldn't tolerate. Didn't take long for him to ask what I was."
"So why don't you usually eat meat?" I asked, imagining some unstoppable bloodlust that kicked in afterwards or something.
He cleared his throat. "Um, because the sidhe don't. If I ate like you, it would raise questions - and that's not a good way to hide what I am."
"Yeah." That was a rather valid point. It also didn't really help me deescalate this any, so I tugged him toward the table beside my door. "Well, I'm both hungry and not. I mean, I was starving, but now..."
