She pulled back to see me better. "It means I don't like him. I think it's Torian who does. I kinda told Keir to do something about that, since I don't think Tor will make the first move."
"And me?" I breathed.
"What?" She quickly shifted closer. "Rain?"
"Does this mean you still like me?"
Immediately, she wrapped one arm around me, shoving the other between us to get as close as possible. "Yes, Rain. I love you."
"Because it's me or nothing?"
"No, no, no!" she hurried to assure me. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I just thought it'd be ok for me to try with him. Rain, I thought you were beautiful the moment I saw you. I just... I mean..." Her words trailed off as she looked at me again. "Were you worried that me kissing him meant I was leaving you?"
"And maybe I had a whole freakout in those two-point-five seconds there," I admitted. "I mean, I did say I wasn't good at this."
"Oh, no!" she assured me. "No, Rain. I didn't kiss Keir because I wanted anything with him, or because I wanted to trade you out or anything like that. I did it because I actually like your boyfriend - as a friend. He's a good guy, and I dunno. Something about today made me realize he's in it for the long haul. We'd talked about all of this the other day, so the moment we were alone - because I'd be too embarrassed to kiss him in front of you, especially for my first time - I thought I'd ask. Just ask!"
"But you ended up kissing him?" I wasn't quite sure I was keeping up.
She nodded quickly. "Because he offered. But it was so weird!"
"Weird how?"
"Like, all those 'big' and 'strong' and 'like steel' things you say about guys? How they are forceful and stuff? Well, you're not wrong, but it's not right. I mean, as gross as this sounds, it was like I'd imagine kissing Torian would be."
"That bad?"
She nodded. "Like going through the motions, but yucky. He's like... See, I like Keir. I like lying on him because he's big, and because he doesn't take it wrong. I like when Tor hugs me, or drapes an arm on me, and Keir does that too. So much of the stuff I like is more brotherly than sexy, and yet when Keir does it to you, it's different."
"So, definitely not into guys then?" I asked, just to be sure - and trying to get this away from my own moment of freaking out.
She moved her hands to hold both of mine. "Rain, while I don't really hate the idea of being sexy around Keir, I don't want to be sexywithhim. I mean, like when I changed the other day? I didn't even think about it. He's one of us, and I was gross. But see, in my head, there's this longing wrapped up with thinking about him."
"Whenyouthink about him?"
She shrugged. "Kinda? But when I think about him, Torian usually knows, which means he's thinking about him too. And, um, I'm pretty sure the longing is him. My brother's trying to figure out what is going on between them, and he is great at ignoring things that are inconvenient - or blowing them up."
"Yeah, he is," I agreed.
So she snuggled closer, all but forcing me to wrap my arms around her. "But now I'm sure of it. It's him, not me." And she rolled so her back was against my chest. "I also know I don't like men. Keir said it's ok to experiment, but I've never really had that feeling before - but I don't think Torian has either."
"Because you two can't exactly trust people," I pointed out, having just realized it myself a second ago. "I mean, you used to have this secret, and that made dating hard. Now, people know you're royalty, and I'm pretty sure most would try to use it to their advantage."
"And Keir isn't like that," she said. "I kinda think his whole thing about hating monarchies? I think it makes Tor like himmore. Keir's so open about it. He approves of us, despite all this bullshit. That means he likes us for us, not what he gets from us."
"I do too," I reminded her. "I like you because you are the most amazing woman in two whole worlds."
"You've never been to Faerie, and neither one of us know if someone there is amazing. I mean, you might have a thing for sirens, you know."
I groaned. "Yeah, I'll pass on fae who can manipulate me like that."
She hummed and tilted her head, looking back at me. "So we're ok? I didn't mess things up?"
"What, with Keir?" I asked. "No! Aspen, that's fine with me. I mean, you don't have a problem with me making out with him."
"Doesn't always mean it works both ways."
"And I'm not that greedy," I assured her. "Seriously, what kind of asshole would be like, 'I get you and multiple boyfriends, but you'd better not cheat on me?'"
