"Us?" I asked with incredulity. Her life had been nothing like mine.
"The court," she clarified as she closed the door behind us. "Well, and probably everyone from Faerie. I mean, that's a lot of trauma to try to deal with, and you? I think you get the gold medal for the shit you've survived."
I paused, realizing there was a window over there and a desk beside it. This was Bracken's office, so definitely private. Outside, a bright blue sky and green-leafed trees reminded me I was safe at school. This was a good place. I had nothing to fear here - except myself.
"I didn't mean to," I whispered, having to almost force the words out.
"Yeah," she breathed, moving beside me to also look out the window. "Like, sometimes it just takes over, right?"
"What takes over for you?" I asked, knowing that was the wrong question, but hoping she'd understand.
"Before I came here, I'd punch people, getting in fights because it didn't matter," she said. "I wasn't going to stick around long enough to have friends, so I told myself I didn't need them. What about you?"
"I sometimes hear memories of my mother."
"Yeah, that would suck," she agreed. "Bad?"
"She's always yelling about how I can't fail - how if I'm useless, she doesn't need me. How she'll remind me what happens to princes who can't be what is required of them."
She nodded slowly, still staring out at the trees. "Tor? I kinda want to hug you. I mean, it's stupid, but when my dad hit my mom, I'd always hug her and give her a kiss to make it better. I know it's dumb, but yeah."
"Yeah?" I asked. "Did it work?"
She shrugged. "I mean, we could test it?"
"Might be a good idea," I decided.
So she turned, wrapping her arms around my neck on one side and shoulders on the other. Then she gripped me hard. I letmy own arms slip around her back, but high. When most people would let go, Rain didn't. She held a bit longer, then even longer.
When I was sure it was much too long, something in my body gave in. I relaxed, dropping my head to her shoulder as a heavy sigh fell out. One of her hands moved up to the back of my neck, cradling me there. Then she did the last thing I would've expected: she kissed the side of my hair.
For the first time in far too long, I felt like it might really be ok to be weak sometimes. Aspen, her, Keir, Wilder, and Hawke were here. They had my back, yes, but none of them had ever done this. None of them had just let me lean on them, not caring about my rank, pride, or sensibilities. None of them had risked my wrath to help me.
So I clung to her a bit harder. "It does make it better," I whispered, simply because I was worried my voice would quaver. "Can you do it a little more?"
"For as long as you need," she assured me. "It's what friends are for."
Chapter Thirty-Five
KEIR
Torian stayed in the office with Rain far longer than I expected. Even more shocking, there wasn't any yelling. When they did come out, Hawke immediately stole Torian away, saying they'd practice together. And they did, in the back where no one else would see but Wilder.
Rain, Aspen, and I went up against all the sentinels. They made us work for it, but the guys also stopped to give both Rain and Aspen pointers. Surprisingly, Aspen was improving quickly. No, she wasn't what I'd call good yet, but she was far from bad. Even better, Rain had started leading our side, allowing me to be the support guard I was supposed to be.
By the time we were done, the tension of Torian's attack had faded. It had been a mistake, and the sentinels knew it. Even Pascal calmed down once he had a chance to think. But Wilder and Hawke came out of their room with Torian between them, laughing.
"Hey?" Hawke called. "We're taking Tor to grab a bite. Wanna come?"
"I need a shower," Aspen said.
"I'm with her," Rain pointed out.
"Keir?" Hawke asked. "Sentinels? That invitation is for all of you as well."
"I'll go," Pascal said, and the other three quickly agreed as well.
But Aspen brushed my arm, giving me a pointed look. "I'm going to hang out with my girlfriend, if that's ok?" I asked.
