And she nodded. "Yes! That means it's done now. Everyone knows, and I don't have to worry about Torian saying it for me." Then she nodded her head a few times. "And I'm going to be a good queen."
"Yes, you are," I agreed. "Aspen, I've never doubted that."
"But being queen isn't easy," she said. "I mean, it's a lot. Like,a lot-a lot. I don't exactly know what it is I'm supposed to be doing, and most of my court was killed off, so I've kinda been dreading this, you know?"
Ok, I clearly wasn't keeping up. "And yet you're smiling?"
She nodded. "Yep, because I've figured it out."
"Care to share?"
Still holding my arm, she turned halfway towards me as she towed me towards my next class. "I want to be the nice queen. Not a pushover, but nice. I want to be a queen who understands what it feels like to have a shitty life, be in a shitty position, or any of those things. I also want to be the hero, like you are. Someone who lifts others up when they need it most."
"Me?" I hadn't expected that.
She nodded. "You saved me from the Huntsman, Rain. Twice!"
"Once," I corrected. "The second time you saved me."
Which made her smile again, but it faded too fast, turning into something much more somber. "But Carol was one of mine. I was supposed to protect her, and I didn't, because I was trying to hide who and what I am. I was too scared to take the crown - and I wouldn't have, if the Huntsman hadn't been trying to kill you."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
She just leaned in, half-hugging me. "I'm not. See, I was upset about it last night. Iwantedto be upset about it, simplybecause someone should mourn her, and while I didn't know her, she was still one of mine. And then Torian showed up, and I started resenting how I'd kept my mouth shut for so long. I'd been careful, and that's stupid."
"But it's also smart," I countered.
She made a little noise and shrugged. "Yeah, maybe. But I'm done hiding this, Rain. I'm done trying to be quiet and safe. I don't want to pretend like I'm not something for Titania to fear. Torian's scared they'll come after me next, but good! I'd rather they come at me than some girl who should've been graduating from college this semester!"
"Oh, that sucks," I groaned.
"And no family," she said. "All dead." She made a little shrug again, almost like she was trying to push that off. "Torian keeps telling me he'll handle things. He always says I need to be protected, but I pointed out how it felt when the Huntsman was dragging me and you showed up. All three of you, I mean."
"Bad?" I asked.
"Rain, I've never felt so hopeful in my life. Not even when I finally met my brother! It was like I knew I was going to die, and then I wasn't, and that feeling? It's..."
"Intense," I realized.
"But I have that. I have everyone on the court to fight for me. Who did Carol have? Or that dirt guy?"
"Drift," I corrected. "The one who was almost frozen?"
"Yeah, him," she agreed. "He deserves to know there's someone on his side. We all do, and I have an entire court. They have no one, and we have all seen too much bad in our lives. So yeah, Carol Dumont made me realize my people deserve a queen just as much as The Silent do, and the Children of the Exodus, and the jesters. All of us have someone to look up to - except my people."
"The Winter users," I realized. "But who willyoulook up to, Asp? Torian? Isn't that wrong somehow?"
She slid her hand a little lower. It didn't reach mine - since we were in public and that would get us moved - but she did lightly caress my wrist.
"I have you, Rain. You're the Morrigan. You're the balance, and you're doing an amazing job."
"Jack," my crow grumbled, almost like he was pouting.
"You're amazing too, Jack, but you do have a limited vocabulary."
"No shit," I agreed.
But Jack shifted to see Aspen better and twisted his head. "Queen?" he whispered, making it an obvious question.
