“Can’t you guys stay just a few days longer?” he says now, a plaster cast affixed to his forearm, his signature kind smile adorning his face.
Luke came back to Sydney with us. He is taking everything that happened as a sign. After nearly a century of operations, he realized that it was time to say goodbye to the Royal Hotel. It had run its course, he explained to us, and he’d paid his dues. It was time to stop living just to defy others and time for him to go after what he wanted.
He was going to move to Sydney, use the money from the sale of the hotel to finance the purchase of a small bar in Darlinghurst,where he could revive Daisy Dukes and return to the life he was supposed to be living. After everything he’d done for us, Kyan insisted Luke stay with him as he sorted out his new life.
Although, that would mean that Kyan would now have two houseguests. Adrien has also decided to stay in Sydney. Being back with Kyan made her realize how unhappy she was with her life in South Africa, how trapped and apathetic she’d become with a career and husband she didn’t love. She hasn’t called her father yet—she is planning on doing so after we all leave—but she knows what she’ll tell him. She is an adult, and she has the right to live her own life. To do what she wants, to love whom she wants. She’s already spoken to her husband, the divorce papers are en route to him, and she is sending a moving company to pack up her things and bring them to Sydney.
“Sorry, Luke. We would if we could, but some of us have things to get back to,” Ellery says with a wink. “Wedding planning and all that. Don’t forget to mark your calendars in October for a trip to Canada. Our next reunion.”
Ellery had come clean to us about her lingering feelings for Phoebe.
“I’d been head over heels for her,” Ellery admitted to all of us over dinner at Kyan’s. “It was the first time I’d had feelings like that for a girl and it scared me, honestly. I handled it poorly. Maybe if I did something different, she would still be…”
Ellery didn’t finish her thought, but we all knew what she meant. Maybe Phoebe would still be alive. I was struck by how every single one of us had been haunted by what happened in Jagged Rock. How I wasn’t the only one scarred by guilt after that trip.
Ellery went on to admit what really happened during our camping trip in Cullamonjoo National Park. How she and Tomas had taken the drugs in secret, and how that was likely the only reason he agreed to Phoebe’s dare. Ellery said she’d talked to Phoebe after, confessed her role in the accident. Phoebe promised not to tell anyone and insisted Ellery do the same. Tomas’s death was her own fault, Phoebe had told Ellery. She would take full blame.
Phoebe had protected Ellery, and Ellery had been riddled with grief—like me, like all of us—ever since. She’d call Phoebe’s phone occasionally, just to hear her voice, and would text when the guilt got to be too much.
Ellery hadn’t had any relationships after that, never felt like she was worthy. Until she met her now fiancé at a charity event. She admitted she’d approached her purely because of her physical similarities to Phoebe. But as Ellery learned more and more about her, she realized all the differences too.
“Grace is just as fiercely loyal, but she doesn’t have the same hard edges as Phoebe. She’s warm, open. Honestly, I don’t know if I deserve her.”
But I know it. We all deserve goodness. We’ve spent enough of our lives dwelling in guilt.
“You lot will have to visit New York soon,” Declan says, lacing his fingers through mine, and I feel my heart flutter. In the hours that he sat by my side in the hospital, we talked through everything. How stupid we’ve been these last few years, letting our guilt and regret dictate our lives.
So, we reached a decision. I’ll move in with him in New York.His friend’s architectural office needs a receptionist, a part-time job I can easily do as I finish my degree at a local community college. His apartment’s big enough for both of us, he promised. I’ll return to Chicago, of course, to pack up and quit my job in person, but he’ll be with me. And we’ll build a life together, trying to make up for the years we let slip away.
We all exchange hugs as Declan’s phone flashes with a notification that the Uber’s arrived outside.
Tears are shed by everyone—even a few from Adrien—as Ellery, Declan, and I wave from the back window of the SUV. Declan holds my hand as the car winds us through the narrow streets of Bondi, back to the airport. And as flashes of ocean whip by, I think back on how much has changed in the week and a half I’ve been back here in Australia.
I came with nothing but guilt. And I’m leaving with everything.
I smile, my eyes glued to the window, but Phoebe’s voice breaks through it, raspy and cruel.
You don’t deserve this.
The guilt clasps at my heart, a familiar affliction, but this time I’m able to force it away, to convince myself I’ve made up for it. We’ve all made mistakes. My actions may have led to Phoebe’s death, yes, but I wasn’t the only one. And I achieved justice for her.
I’ve done everything I can to make things right. That’s all she can ask for.
“You alright?” Declan asks, his brow furrowed in concern.
I smile at him reassuringly. “I am now.”
Epilogue
Claire
Then
I try to put it behind me, I really do.
I lie there for hours after my encounter with Phoebe, staring at a hole in the ceiling in my uncomfortable twin bed, our shared room at the Inn feeling emptier than ever. And I think of Phoebe out there, heading by foot to Rollowong, escaping from it all.
I forgave her in the moment for sleeping with Declan. I always did. Whenever she was selfish or condescending—as she incessantly was—I always let it go. I’ve been so weak, always letting her get what she wants.
