“I’m thirty-six years old,” she’d said. “I know it’s crazy, but it might be my last chance.”
Ollie had always wanted a family of his own. Her proposition was a little untraditional, but it worked perfectly for them. While he was deployed, she fostered his relationship with Theo as much as she could. When he was on leave, he stayed with them at their apartment and soaked up Dad time.
And then she died and Ollie got involuntarily separated for dependency.
“He’s mygrandson,” his mother pressed—just as Theo took a flying leap off the swing.
Ollie’s heart climbed into his throat as his kid sailed through the air, flailing his arms wildly like there was no chance the impact with the ground would crush his frail body. “Theo!”
And he landed on his feet with a broad grin and whooped. “Dad, Dad! Did you see—”
Ollie took a deep breath and willed his organs back behind his rib cage. He wasn’t going to be the reason his kid was afraid to live his life. Theo was getting stronger every day. It was Ollie who was really fragile, inside rather than out. “I sure did, bud!” He took a few steps away from his mother and kneeled down so he could look Theo in the eye. “I think your cousin did too, though, and she’s a little too young to jump off swings, right?”
Theo turned and looked at Mel, who was furiously pumping her legs like she needed to prove she could swing as high as the cousin she’d just met. “I guess?”
Please let this work.“We wouldn’t want her to hurt herself, right? But she looks up to you. Do you think maybe you can save the jumping for when it’s just us?”
“Okay,” Theo agreed without a second thought, and he went right back to the swing without a care in the world.
Ollie was totally getting the hang of this parenting thing. Of course, the fifteen-second interaction left him feeling like he’d run a marathon, but he wasn’t going to let on to his mother. He walked back toward her with his hands in his jeans pockets. “Look, Mom. I know you love him and want to spend time with him. But he barely even knows you right now. He’s going to need time—we’regoing to need time, together.”
It wasn’t that Ollie didn’t love and trust his parents. He did. But they were so good at projecting whattheywanted onto people. He was afraid they’d learn Theo was allergic to bees and never let him play outside. He was afraid they’d learn he was smart and decide he should become a doctor. Ollie didn’t want Theo to end up like him, so pressured into choosing the path his parents wanted for him that he signed up to shoot people in another country instead. At least that let him feel like he could make a difference, which was all he really wanted.
It hadn’t taken long for disillusionment to set in. He was lucky he ended up in aviation. Learning to fly had probably saved his life.
“But where are you going to live? You aren’t working right now. Who’s going to rent an apartment to you?”
“I’m a veteran, Mom.” He had the equivalent of a year’s pay as severance, and it wasn’t like he’d had a lot of expenses living on base for the past ten years. “I have enough savings to keep us afloat for a few months while I find a job that’ll let me spend good quality time with Theo.”
And if he moved into his own place, he’d never have to deal with his parents overhearing one of his nightmares, or theI-told-you-sos that would follow. Ollie didn’t really believe in God, but he was thankful tosomeoneout there that Theo was a heavy sleeper.
“But we could watch him for you—”
“I’m sure you will. I’m not saying I’m not going to let you help.” He took her hands. “I’m saying you have to let me ask for it. Okay? Theo and I both need to prove that we can do this.”
She sighed heavily. “At least let me make you dinner.”
Ollie’s frustration must’ve shown on his face, because she quickly added, “To go. Okay? I’ll make your favorite meatloaf and you can pick it up. And then maybe next week we can eat together at a restaurant somewhere?”
No, Ollie wanted to say, but he knew it wasn’t rational. He would need his parents’ help. At some point Theo should get to know them. Allison had wanted that for him. And they were going to have to eat dinner anyway. He couldn’t keep Theo to himself forever; it wouldn’t keep him any safer, and it would only damage his social development.
“I’ll pick up dinner,” he relented. “Thank you. And I’ll think about the restaurant.”
“All right,” his mother said finally.
Ollie tried not to sigh. They both knew it was only a matter of time before she wore him down.
His mother left the park to start on dinner, and Ollie spent the rest of the afternoon pretending he wasn’t freaking out. What was he doing, really? He’d been a full-time parent for four months. He’d left behind the only adult life he’d ever known to be there for his son, and he’d do it again in a heartbeat.
But he’d never had to find an apartment before. Never had to find a job. Fuck, on Monday he had to register Theo forschool. Could he even do that if they were still living in a motel?
At least most bills these days could be set to autopay so he wouldn’t forget and end up with the water turned off or something.
Those thoughts consumed him as he drove to his parents’ place to pick up a truly obscene portion of his favorite dinner, crammed into an overloaded Tupperware container, and a plastic picnic cutlery set and some plates, which made him feel stupid. Of course the motel didn’t have dinnerware. He’d have to buy that too, unless he’d somehow managed to pack up Allison’s when they were leaving her place.
He barely registered the taste of the food as they ate, even though Theo inhaled his like he had a hollow leg. But his motivation became clear when he finished and looked at Ollie with familiar hazel eyes and asked, “Can I watch cartoons now, Dad?”
Ollie had a strict no-TV-while-eating policy. “Sure,” he said. “And then it’s time for a bath, kiddo.”
