Even if Rowan did feel guilty for swearing at him and implying he was a bad father. Rowan knew about bad fathers. Jordy didn’t qualify.
That didn’t mean he was ready to forgive and forget when Jordy hadn’t said two words to him.
Their whole fuzzy-boundaries friends with benefits hadn’t been a problem for Rowan until suddenly it was. Jordy had been way too careful for that. But in the wake of the past weeks and their argument, something about the arrangement had started to feel cheap.
Rowan needed an explanation before he made any decisions that landed him and Jordy back in bed. Unfortunately an explanation probably required a face-to-face meeting, which Rowan very much did not want to have, since he didn’t know what to say.
Very manfully, Rowan opted to run away. Not to Gem, because she would ask questions. He called up Taylor and theywent out for brunch. And then he ran an errand or ten and took his sweet time getting home.
Naturally, when he snuck in the front door several hours after Jordy’s return, Kaira immediately caught sight of him, squealed, and tackled him.
“Rowan, you have to come watch a movie with us!” Her chin dug into his abdomen as she turned imploring eyes up to him. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”
Now Rowan felt like a complete heel for spending no time with her this weekend—or all week, beyond breakfast and bedtime. Just because Jordy should have found a way for Rowan to back out of her daily life weeks ago didn’t mean Kaira understood that. As far as she knew, Rowan was with her every day, and then suddenly he wasn’t and a series of someones had taken his place.
Rowan resigned himself to one more viewing of Kaira’s favorite Bollywood film and let her pull him into the TV room. Jordy was already there, setting popcorn on the table and looking awkward as fuck.
“Hey,” he said, sounding stilted and looking like a man unsure of his welcome in his own home.
Rowan felt a twinge of guilt. “Hi.” He tried to settle into one of the armchairs while Jordy turned on the TV, but Kaira let him know exactly what she thought of that.
“You have to sit here,” she declared and pointed to the seat on her right.
Since arguing with six-year-olds was dicey even when you had logic on your side, Rowan conceded. She wouldn’t take a “because,” and “your daddy and I had a fight and now our casual sexual relationship and friendship is somewhat in flux” was not an excuse Rowan wanted to give to a child of any age.
He sat on the goddamn couch.
When Jordy also tried to sit in an armchair, he was likewise reprimanded. “Daddy, you’re doing it wrong!”
So there they were, in their usual spots on the couch, a foot of space, an adorable child, and a whole lot of unspoken awkwardness between them. And they only had one ninety-minute film and a child-friendly dinner to get through.
For the first time, Rowan thought about all the ways in which he and Jordy had made a tangled emotional mess of things. No matter what happened in the next few months, he was going to miss Kaira and she was going to miss him. The nearest teams were several hours’ drive away. Kaira and Rowan wouldn’t have an easy commute if they wanted to spend time together. There would be no chance encounters or fun outings to ease the pain of separation.
Rowan was an idiot.
Kaira twisted and snuggled closer, and Rowan leaned over to press a kiss to her messy pigtailed hair. When he straightened up, his gaze locked with Jordy’s. They stared at each other for a long, painful beat before Jordy turned back to the TV.
Kaira insisted on family dinner, and then on three books that they alternated reading and a cup of water and one last kiss before Jordy put on his stern dad face and told her, “No more stalling,” kissed her good night, and turned out the lights.
As much as Rowan wanted to run away again, he owed it to himself, to Jordy, but most of all to Kaira to stay and talk things out.
By unspoken agreement, they ended up in the kitchen. At least the cleanup gave them something to do.
“I’m sorry,” Jordy said to the plate he loaded into the dishwasher. “I know you don’t hate Kaira.”
“I know,” Rowan said, though it was still nice to hear.
“You were right. I should have found a nanny or a temporary one ages ago.”
Why didn’t you?Rowan wanted to ask. But he had something more important to say first. “Yes, but I should have said something sooner.” He pulled a face. “It was kind of a dick move to wait until I had such an exhausting, stressful day that I started cursing you out over the phone.”
Jordy lifted a shoulder. He still wasn’t meeting Rowan’s gaze. “I deserved it.”
Yeah, he’d definitely deserved the cursing, but…. “Not the part where I called you a shitty dad.”
Jordy let out a loud breath and his shoulders drooped. “Thanks.”
Rowan knew that would weigh on him.
