Because no matter how much he loved Jordy, it didn’t change logistics. Relationships were about building a life together, not about… about chocolate-sweet kisses at midnight.
So Rowan should stop lying here with his eyes closed like hiding under the covers would change anything.
Jordy was already up and out of bed, so bed was missing its main attraction anyway.
In the kitchen, he found Jordy and Kaira at the breakfast table eating pancakes. Despite Jordy’s clear attempt at a fun breakfast, the mood in the kitchen was kind of a downer.
“Why does Rowan have to go back to Tronno?” Kaira asked as Rowan was trying to stomach his own delicious breakfast.
“Because that’s where he lives, where his job is.”
Kaira frowned. “But Rowan lives with us.”
“He did for a while, but remember, we talked about him moving into his own apartment.” Jordy’s voice was gentle and patient and only sounded a little like each word hurt to say.
Kaira scowled at her plate. “Rowan, when are you coming back to ’Couver?”
God, Rowan was going to miss hearing her say “’Couver” in her adorable kid voice. And he would miss the day she started calling the city Vancouver and made her dad misty-eyed about her growing up too fast.
“Um, I don’t—don’t have any plans to come back.” Coming back for a visit would be stupid. It would tie him and Jordy to a half-dead relationship, keep it on life support instead of letting it go. Rowan couldn’t bear the thought of Jordy growing bitter and resentful toward him. So no, Rowan wouldn’t be coming back.
Kaira cried and clung when Rowan’s Uber arrived. Rowan and Jordy barely got to say goodbye, let alone make it tender, since Jordy’s hands were full with Kaira.
If he cried all the way to the airport, no one had to know but him and the Uber driver.
At least he didn’t have any luggage to check this time around, since he’d used his checked luggage on the way here for Kaira’s stuff, which kept things simple.
Once through security—which was always the worst; the less said about it the better—Rowan slouched into a seat and prepared to wait.
He texted Gem.Please have biggest bottle of wine and tub of salted caramel ice cream ready.
For goodness sake, came Gem’s answer.What now?
Rowan swallowed hard and risked the inevitable I-told-you-so.I love them.
Because it really was about both of them. Rowan loved Jordy with a passion he’d never known, but he’d been equally blindsided by the depth of his affection for Kaira.
Yes, and?
Rowan could practically hear her talons impatiently drumming on a table.
And leaving them hurts.
A few interminable seconds ticked by before Gem’s reply appeared.So why are you doing it?
Rowan huffed and shoved his phone back into his bag—his new leather messenger bag—and glared out the airport window. Didn’t Gem think Rowan wanted to stay? But it wasn’t thatsimple. Rowan had a life in Toronto—friends, Gem, a dream job he’d only just started. What was he going to do, just say fuck it and move in with Jordy? Play house with him and his kid and do… what?
He couldn’t give up the stability that he’d worked so hard for just for the sake of maybes. He couldn’t run away from reality to live on love. That wasn’t a thing. His job was real, was safe, and Jordy and Kaira were just a—afantasy.
God, Rowan probably could have dreamt them into existence. A single dad with a half-desi baby and the ability to fuck Rowan into the wall? The stuff of Rowan’s fantasies.
All of it was…
Like trips to the museum and adorable hockey jerseys and—
Vomit at five a.m.… Jordy freaking out thousands of miles away. Footprints in the snow. Failed love confessions in dark kitchens. No nannies. Temper tantrums and wet beds.
Okay, all of that had been real, but it wasn’t glamorous and wasn’t exactly points for the win column.
