On the ice, Jordy scooped Kaira into his arms and plonked her onto his shoulders, apparently unconcerned about her tiny skates cutting into him. Or about dropping her. Of course he wouldn’t drop her; he could skate her around safely with his eyes closed. Both of them were beaming.
Rowan’s heart thumped.
That man—that generous, kind, dedicated, flawed, gorgeous man—loved him. That manloved him back.
And he thought Rowan didn’t.
But that wasn’t true. Rowan did love Jordy. Rowan had basically already given Jordy his heart on a plate. He’d all but asked,Would you prefer that with soup or salad?Only somehow Jordy didn’t know.
That wasn’t fair. Jordy deserved to know how Rowan felt, even if it didn’t change anything. Even if Rowan was going to go back to Toronto in a week and live in his beautiful untouched apartment and work his perfect job, Jordy deserved to know it wasn’t because Rowan didn’t love him.
Rowan resolved to tell him that night, when Kaira went to bed. They could talk, maybe cry a little. Polish off a bottle of wine, if Jordy didn’t have a game tomorrow. They could lay everything on the table.
And then maybe they could start to get over it.
ROWAN HADto wait until Kaira was asleep before they could talk, but at least bedtime was early thanks to the jet lag and the busy day. Jordy was barely gone ten minutes before he returned from her room.
“Didn’t even make it through the second book.” He had a look of such fond amusement on his face that Rowan felt overcome by his beauty and overtaken by affection. God, he loved this man so much.
Rowan blamed his big feelings for what happened next.
“Are you in love with me?”
Jordy froze in the middle of tidying throw pillows—they always ended up everywhere after Kaira had been through—and stared at Rowan, caught. “Uh.”
“Shit. Sorry.” Rowan hadn’t meant to start the conversation like this.
Jordy looked even more baffled. “You’re… sorry?”
“Yes, for just… blurting that out. I meant to be more, you know, delicate. Smooth.”
“Oh.” Still clutching the pillow, Jordy sat on the couch. “Since… since you’re asking, I’m guessing that you didn’t already know that.”
Rowan stared. “How would I know that when you never said?”
Jordy frowned at his pillow. “I guess I figured it was pretty obvious and that’s why you kept running away from me every time I tried to talk about it.”
Well, that was totally not fair. Rowan opened his mouth to argue, then paused and thought about it. He could see how his desperate escapes from emotional conversations might have seemed like a rejection of the feelings behind them. “Oh. That, uh, wasn’t what was happening. That was me running away for fear of hearing the opposite.”
“What part of begging you to move across the country…?” Jordy legitimately looked lost, so Rowan threw him a bone.
“You mean right after you told me how worried you were about finding a nanny?”
Jordy’s eyes widened. Apparently he didn’t remember that part. Rowan wanted to kiss his dumb face.
“Look, I know this doesn’t actually change anything about our whole situation, but—” Rowan took a deep breath. “—you deserve to know that I wasn’t saying no because I didn’t want it, or you, or Kaira.” Jordy stared at him, something that looked a lot like hope shining in his eyes. Hope Rowan was going to have to crush. “Even if it doesn’t solve anything or fix it or make Vancouver and Toronto one city, you should know I do love you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Jordy, of course I do.”
“Oh.” He licked his lips. “But you still don’t want to stay with me.” He wasn’t asking.
“It’s not about wanting.” Sometimes romances didn’t have happy endings. Sometimes you were Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner and you had to break up because your lives weren’t compatible. Sometimes love wasn’t enough.
Jordy looked back down at his pillow. “Okay.” Then his jaw firmed up and he looked Rowan in the eye. “But you’re here until the New Year.”
“Yes….”
