Rowan forewent her entire nighttime routine, including changing her into pajamas, since she’d refused to get dressed that day.
All of which meant that it was more than twenty-four hours after Jordy’s shitty selfish invitation before Rowan could think about it.
And be hurt and mad and frustrated about the whole thing.
Because he needed something to do other than sit and brood, Rowan tidied the mess left by two emotional Shaws. He started in the den, picking up toys and rounding up dirty dishes, and then he tackled the kitchen.
And if he threw any of Kaira’s soft toys a little too hard at the toy box… well, she didn’t have to know. Her stupid, selfish dad certainly wouldn’t.
God, he couldn’t believe that after everything, after Rowan had clearly laid a boundary of friends or partner, not both, that Jordy would ask him to keep being the fucking nanny. To give up his career for one he never even wanted just to make Jordy feel better.
Rowan stared at the helpless stuffed rabbit clutched in his hands, then tossed it in the toy box before he did it serious harm.
He hadn’t thought Jordy could be that selfish.
Okay, that was a bit harsh. Jordy had clearly been emotional, and he’d told Rowan recently how much he felt the lack of an actual partner and coparent. Of course he wanted to hold on to the closest thing he’d ever had to that during a very emotional time. Rowan could understand that.
He also knew that he’d never told Jordy how much this limbo hurt. It wasn’t like he told Jordy that he was breakingRowan’s heart; Jordy didn’t know that if Rowan said yes it would be the emotional equivalent of exfoliating with a cheese grater.
But that didn’t make it hurt any less to hear Jordy ask, like he wanted to give Rowan everything Rowan wanted, and have him not mean it the way Rowan wanted him to mean it.
Rowan took a deep breath and stared at the dishes piled next to the sink. He needed to stop chasing his own thoughts in circles. It wouldn’t fix anything. But he could fix this mess.
At least, he thought later as he scrubbed the counter, the house would be immaculate in Jordy’s absence, even if Rowan’s thoughts weren’t.
Or maybe the house would become a wreck and ruin of its former self, he reconsidered the next morning after Kaira dropped her oatmeal on the floor and then took her revenge against gravity by dumping her orange juice on top and bursting into tears.
Biting back a sigh, Rowan ignored the slowly spreading mess to scoop Kaira up into his arms. He carried her away from the scene of the crime and into the den, where they could settle on one of the comfortable chairs and just be together.
Several minutes later, once she’d calmed down, Rowan asked, “Are you having a rough morning?”
“Yes,” she shuddered out on a sigh.
Rowan blinked back tears and kissed her head. “Wanna tell me about it? Sometimes talking about our big feelings makes them easier to handle.” He definitely did not think about how he’d all but said the same thing to Jordy two days prior.
“I miss Daddy. I don’t wanna leave Tronno. I wanna go be with Daddy. Why can’t I go live with him in ’Couver now?”
Rowan did not comment on the contradictory nature of her woes. Instead he squeezed her and pressed kisses to her hair and walked her through Jordy’s reasons once again. He had a feelinghe’d be rehashing this conversation over and over again before she was boarding a plane for Vancouver.
Finally he couldn’t justify sitting still any longer. Besides, moving would be good for Kaira. He pressed one last kiss to the top of her head and set her down on her feet. “Come on, poppet. I need your help this morning.”
She wiped her eyes with a chubby hand and made her Thinking Face. “With what?”
“Well, Miss Anna is going to be staying with us for a while, and she needs her own space. So your dad said I should move my things into his room.” This suggestion had been accompanied by the admission that the guest bedroom mattress was an orthopedic special he’d ordered for his parents and that it doubled as a torture device for anyone else. After having lain on said mattress for twenty seconds, Rowan could only agree. “I need your help to carry my clothes.”
“I am really strong,” Kaira said seriously.
“Are you? Well, I’m really lucky, then.” He nudged her toward the stairs. “Come on. Do you know if your daddy has any empty boxes?”
Moving into Jordy’s room should have made the injured animal of Rowan’s heart want to kick and bite and scream. It was a sick parody of the life he wanted. In deference—and self-defense—Rowan let Kaira tell him where everything should go. Underpants in the bottom drawer? Sociopathic, but why not. Jumpers hanging up in the closet? The shoulders would stretch out, but he could move them later. Right now letting her be in charge made this less painful for both of them.
They finished just before lunch. Anna wouldn’t arrive until tomorrow, and Rowan didn’t think hanging around in the house would do either of them much good, so he made them sandwiches and posed the question.
“All right, poppet, I have one more big job for you. Do you think you can handle it?”
Moving all of Rowan’s things—and throwing her breakfast on the floor—had clearly helped her work up an appetite, because she nodded without stopping to speak, too focused on her baby carrots and dip.
“I need to pick out some Christmas presents for my friends. Would you come with me to help me choose?”
