But not the worst of it, actually. “I don’t like the direction the show is taking. It feels like a betrayal of everything Jess and I worked to make it. And I know the network is forcing her out of her role.”
“And Paul is an asshat.”
“And Paul is an asshat,” Nate agreed.
“But this still doesn’t explain the depth of your sulk.” She gestured with the spoon. “You forget, I knew you during the John Plum years. He was even worse than Paul, and he never got to you like this. Which leads me to believe this is actually mostly about Aubrey. So. Do I need to put a hit on my countryman or what?”
Nate blew out a breath. “No, I… no. I’m just upset he left so fast, without a lot of warning that he was planning to go.”
“Maybe he didn’t.”
“What?”
“Maybe he didn’t plan to go. Maybe he would’ve stayed if the show hadn’t been canceled.”
Yeah, Nate had gotten that impression. “That’s what I thought too, but—then he said he wasn’t ready to stop skating. He wanted to get back on the ice.”
Caley gave him a calculating look. “And that surprised you.”
“Yeah, I guess?” he said, feeling unaccountably defensive. “I mean, this isn’t the first TV gig he’s had, so….”
Something like understanding dawned in her eyes. “It’s like déjà vu all over again, eh?”
Nate blinked.
“Because that’s what happened with Marty, isn’t it?” she pressed. “You retired, and then he sprung a dream on you that he’d never shared and you broke up. Now here’s Aubrey, by all appearances Marty’s actual goddamn polar opposite, doing the same thing. That has to hurt. Want to talk about it?”
“All I ever do is talk,” Nate muttered and shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.
“Well, maybe you’re saying the wrong things, then.”
Ouch.
“You’re upset because Aubrey didn’t tell you he wanted to perform again. It especially hurts because Marty didn’t tell you he wanted to run a B and B after you retired.”
“Yeah,” Nate said, wondering where this was going. Why was she telling him things he already knew?
“Yeah, well, here’s the thing.” Caley jabbed her spoon into the ice cream carton so forcefully it broke through the bottom of the container. She gave it a forlorn look and then set it on the table. “You could’ve asked.”
Nate stared at her. “I…?” Was she blaming him?
“You could’ve asked!” she repeated. “Honestly, Nate, I love you. I think you’re a great man, and believe me I do not say that about a lot of men. But did you honestly never talk about what your significant others wanted for their futures? One time I could dismiss, I mean, maybe Marty hid it from you on purpose, I don’t know. But twice? That’s not a coincidence.”
Very carefully, Nate set down the ice cream before he could drop it. His palms were damp, and he didn’t think it was condensation. “You’re saying it’s… that I….”
Caley took his hand, apparently heedless of the clamminess. “You didn’t ask, Nate. Do you know how long it took me and Kelly to talk about our dreams for the future? How many kids we wanted, where we wanted to live, how involved we wanted our parents to be in our kids’ lives, what our professional goals were and which ones we were prepared to sacrifice?” Nate squirmed. “It’s a little different for us because, to be frank, unlike you and Aubrey, we don’t have piles of cash sitting around. And also because we’re lesbians.”
Nate rubbed at his forehead with his free hand, easing another sudden headache. He’d had a lot of those since Aubrey moved to Vegas. “I mean.” He sighed. She had a point, but…. “I’ve onlyknownhim a couple of months. When were we supposed to have that talk?”
Caley paused a moment as she considered this. “I guess that’s fair. And here I thought we moved fast.” Then she shook her head. “The point is, it only takes one person to fuck up a relationship. It takes at least two to make one work. Why didn’t you know your husband’s dream? Why didn’t you know Aubrey’s?”
Fuck.Was Caley right? Nate was the common denominator here. He scrubbed his hands over his face. Finally he said, “Marty… had a habit of keeping things from me.” He raised his eyes to meet Caley’s, hoping she would understand that he wasn’t going to answer questions about that. “So even if I asked him directly, I don’t know that it would have made a difference.” He blew out a breath. “But I don’t have an excuse for Aubrey.”
Not a good one, anyway. Fear. Complacency. Was it better to try and fail, or to fail without trying and be able to believe you could have succeeded?
It was a stupid question, and he knew the answer, but that didn’t make it any easier to implement the obvious change of behavior.
Caley nudged him with her elbow. “Just wanted to bring that to your attention. I’ve got to pee again, but you want to watch a movie?”
