“You think so?”
In truth, Nate didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. “It’ll be Christmas in a couple weeks. We’ll have a few days off where we can see each other. There’ll be other holidays…. Isn’t it worth trying, at least?”
“Yeah, no. Yes. Absolutely.”
Great. Now that they had that sorted…. Nate picked up his fork again, but when he took a bite of his frittata, it had gone stone cold. “Hey. I’m sorry I ruined your special breakfast.”
“No, I think I get at least half the blame for that. I should’ve told you about Cirque sooner.”
He should have, so Nate didn’t argue. “Let me take you out to breakfast instead to make it up to you?”
But Aubrey slowly shook his head. “Rain check?”
Nate blinked. “O… okay?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I just think….” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing up a style that must have taken him ten minutes to perfect. Nate had seen him fuss with it often enough to know. “I came over this morning to ask if you wanted to come with me to Vegas, and instead we got this.” He gave a tight, unhappy smile. “I need some space.”
That stung, but Nate couldn’t blame him. “Okay. I understand.” He took a breath, more challenging than it sounded, since it felt like tight bands had wound around his chest, constricting his lungs. “Text me later to….” To what?Let me know you’re okay? Confirm you’re not mad I said no?Aubrey had every right not to be okay, or to be upset Nate turned him down. “Just text me later?”
Aubrey stood up, rapping his knuckles on the table. “I will.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
IT WASa good thing Aubrey was rich, because he apparently needed a lot of therapy. “I fucked up,” he admitted to Theresa as soon as she could fit him into her schedule. He was pretty sure she was working through her lunch hour, and she definitely charged extra for last-minute appointments. It was worth it.
She clicked her pen, never taking her eyes off him. “What makes you say that?”
“I didn’t tell Nate about Cirque, and he got mad.”
She sat back in her chair a little. Her face didn’t offer anything in the way of judgment, which…. Was that what they taught in therapy school? How to keep a poker face? He made a mental note never to play her in Texas Hold’em. “Did you escalate?”
“No. I told the truth.” He paused, considering how to phrase his next admission. Fuck it. “I asked him to come with me, and he said no.”
Again, no reaction. “Then what happened?”
“Then we talked, I guess? He’s not ready to move to Vegas. But he said I should go.” That was what Aubrey kept getting hung up on. They loved each other, didn’t they? They’d said as much. Maybe they didn’t say it all thetime, but they said it. He was pretty sure they meant it. Wasn’t that supposed to make all the other problems go away?
He felt like romantic comedies had been lying to him.
Theresa tilted her head to the side. “It sounds like he’s supporting your dream.”
Aubrey made a face. “Cirque isn’t thedream… but I’m not ready to be done skating professionally. I should’ve known that by halfway through October.” Instead he’d gotten distracted by his attraction to Nate, and then sex with Nate, and then his feelings for Nate. Bantering with him gave Aubrey the same sort of thrill he got on the ice.
In retrospect, maybe it was no wonder he hadn’t noticed that he really wanted to be doing something else.
Apparently her last comment hadn’t steered him where she wanted him to go, because she changed tactics. “Did you break up?”
No, they hadn’t. The problem was that he didn’t know how they could be together and apart. “I don’t think so, but I… I don’t even know how to be a good boyfriend in person. How am I going to manage long distance?”
That finally got her sitting forward again, leaning across her desk. He’d given her something she could engage with. Yay. “Being a good boyfriend isn’t a singular skill set, you know. It means different things for different people. If you and Nate are going to try long distance, he probably already thinks you’re a good boyfriend.”
“Yeah, but his ex-husband sucks. The bar is too low to trip over.”
Now she pursed her lips. “I think you’re selling Nate short. He can’t be a pushover. In fact I know that he’s not from how you came in here after you met, complaining about him busting your balls.”
Fine. He let her peel away that excuse as well. That just left him with a plain, honest fear. “I just… I don’t want to mess this up.”
Theresa didn’t say anything. Aubrey fell into the trap as usual, trying to make her understand. “When I first started coming to see you, I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship. I lied to myself about not wanting one, but the truth is, I’m too needy, I always have to be the center of attention. I knew that, just like with my parents, I wouldn’t feel like I was important and I’d mess it up.
