“Do you really have to ask that?I watched Turk die, Michael.I watched him die, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.”
“Yes, but when West captured Turk, you thought he’d killed him too, and you didn’t decide to retire.You were arguing tooth and nail to be allowed to keep working.”
“Turk came back safe and unharmed,” Faith told him.“And I fought to be allowed to find West specifically.”
“Turk came back safe and unharmed this time too.So what’s different?”
Faith’s hackles rose.“Nothing’s different.I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.”
“That’sdifferent.”
She rolled her eyes.“For God’s sake, can you just let this go?”
"No, I can't," Michael replied."You're my partner, and I can't just let go of the fact that you almost jumped ship without telling me."
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Faith snapped.“I really should have consideredyourfeelings.”
“I’m consideringyourfeelings,” Michael said patiently.“And I’ve known you long enough to know that to get you to talk to me, I have to be annoying and persistent.I also know that I have to endure your sarcasm and occasionally insults.So what’s different this time?Why did this specific instance turn out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back?”
“Because I watched Turk almost die this time.”
“You’ve watched him almost die before.West wasn’t the only time.The asshole killing Marines in Washington State beat Turk pretty badly too.You didn’t try to retire then.You fought to keep working.You fought to keep Turk working.”
“Turk’s almost ten.He’s not a young dog anymore.”
Michael sighed.“I read his most recent assessments.I know he’s still a badass.”
“He’s—”
“No.Not him.He’s fine.You.Why doyouwant to retire?”
“Because I couldn’t stop her!”Faith snapped.
Tears welled in her eyes, and she swore and looked out the passenger window.Her reflection in the mirror revealed a hurt, scared expression that galled her.She turned to the front to evade the image.“I couldn’t stop her,” she said softly.“I couldn’t stop her from hurting Turk, and I couldn’t stop her from killing me.”
“She didn’t kill you.”
Faith rolled her eyes."Yes, but she almost did.And before you point out that Trammell and West almost killed me too, that's the goddamned point.All three of them could have killed me.Trammell didn't because you shot him before he could, West didn't because he wanted to pull off some bullshit masterstroke from prison, and the Messenger didn't kill me because you and Ellie walked in on her."
“Well, my point is that this isn’t different.But you’re acting different.You’re not the type of person to just get tired of something.You’re the type of person to keep fighting and fighting and fighting no matter how much it hurts.Not this time, though.”
His tone was gentle, which only served to worsen Faith’s mood.Tears fell from her eyes despite her best efforts to stop them.She brushed them away angrily and said, “I know it’s stupid, but at least Trammell and West were men.I know it’s not politically correct to point this out, but men are stronger than women.Most of the time my training, experience, weaponry, and badass German Shepherd make up for that, but Trammell was as big as a bear and West was a well-trained martial artist who had weapons.”
“The Messenger had a weapon.”
“Yeah, and she was three inches shorter than me and twenty pounds smaller.And my dog was dying.”She wiped more tears from her eyes.“I should have knocked her silly, but I didn’t.Somehow, she beat me.I don’t get it.I can’t understand it.Why can I walk through almost any other killer on Earth, but the ones who are obsessed with me have some secret weapon that just…” She took a deep breath.“I couldn’t stop her.And if she comes back, I won’t be able to stop her again.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Stop fucking saying that!”Faith snapped.“I know you think you’re helping, but you’re not.”She sniffled.“I wanted to get Turk somewhere safe.I don’t give a shit about myself, but—”
Michael frowned.“What do you mean you don’t give a shit about yourself?”
Faith rolled her eyes.“I am willing to sacrifice my life for this job, but I’m not willing to sacrifice Turk’s.Honestly, I’ve been selfish, Michael.Turk’s going to be ten years old.If he’s a long-lived Shepherd, then he’s got what?Three years left?Four?He deserves to spend some of those years not in danger.He deserves to rest and enjoy himself a little.I wasn’t ready to leave, and maybe you’re right.Maybe I’m still not.But…” She sighed.“Look, I already agreed with you.I’m here.I’m working.Can you just drop it?”
Michael nodded.“Okay,” he said softly.“I’ll drop it.I’m sorry.I care about you a lot, and you won’t talk to me unless I pry, so—”
“Sometimes it’s okay if we don’t talk about things,” Faith said tersely.
