“If she’s unwilling, sir, then respectfully, I don’t—”
Smythe held up a hand without looking at Tabitha.She flinched as though he had struck her with that hand.
“Have you read your psychological report, Special Agent Bold?”Smythe asked.
Faith shook her head.“No, sir.”
"It's quite interesting.I'll quote a sample from memory.'Special Agent Bold will likely attempt to withdraw from fieldwork in the immediate future.It is my professional opinion that allowing her to do so would not only be a disservice to the Bureau but a disservice to my patient.'"
Now it was Faith’s turn to start.“What?She said that?”
“Youmemorizedthat?”Tabitha added.
“She did.I did,” Smythe replied.“If I may continue.‘Faith is frightened of the Messenger Killer and she is afraid that her dog will be targeted again.’”
Damn it, he has aname,Faith thought irritably.
“‘While these feelings are difficult for her, I don’t believe they are traumatizing.However, if she is not compelled to confront her fears directly, the weight of guilt, grief, and anxiety will continue to grow until she is not only rendered unfit for service but possibly also rendered unfit for daily life.To summarize, the best possible thing for Bold’s mental health is to be put to work as soon as possible.’
“She goes on to list reasons and supporting arguments for her recommendation.I won’t elucidate them here.The report is available for you, ASAC Gardner, and anyone else who would like to review it provided they do so with your permission, Special Agent Bold.”
Faith’s hands balled into fists.“With all due respect, Director Smythe, Dr.Keraya isn’t the one experiencing nightmares or waking up in cold sweats every damned day.”
“With all due respect, Special Agent Bold, you’ve suffered scenarios like this before.They’ve made you stronger and more capable.They’ve honed you into the sort of agent people write novels about.They’ve turned you into a weapon for justice unlike anything I’ve ever seen in my thirty-four years of service with the FBI.They’ve saved lives.”
“What about her life?”Tabitha said.She was desperate now, grabbing at any straw she could to get Faith out of the unit.“Doesn’t she have a right to relax and enjoy her life instead of constantly suffering for others?I understand we have a job to do, sir, but if Faith doesn’t feel she’s capable of this anymore, then I believe we should honor her wishes.”
“We will honor her wishes,” Smythe replied mildly.“Special Agent Bold, if after hearing this, you believe that retirement is still the best option for you and Turk, I will process the paperwork and accept you immediately as a K9 instructor at Quantico.You won’t even need to fill out an application.But I encourage you to think hard about it.I won’t pretend to know you as well as your partner does, but I believe he’d agree with me that if you make this decision in error, you will never forgive yourself.”
“I do agree,” Michael said firmly, “and if I could have two minutes with Faith, I think I can convince her of the same thing.”
“Of course,” Smythe said.
Michael got up and gestured for Faith to follow him.She did so reluctantly, Turk trotting next to her.He led her outside and around the corner.Faith caught Tabitha arguing with Smythe out of the corner of her eye.Begging was more like it.
When they were out of sight, Michael turned around and said, “Faith, look me in the eye and tell me you’re happy to retire now.”
“I don’t want him to die, Michael!I don’t…” She pressed her lips together and blinked back tears.“You saw me.You saw what happened to me at that hospital.You saw what happened toTurk.”
“I did.And he’s just as strong and happy as if nothing had happened.”
“Something did happen.And it will happen again unless we find the bitch who did this to him.”
“We will find her.And if we find her while you’re teaching people how to hold a leash at Quantico, you’ll never forgive yourself.I’ve known you for twelve years, Faith.You’re not ready to retire.Not this way.Not out of fear.When you hang it up, it’ll be because you’re old and tired or because you’re bored and ready for a new challenge.It won’t be because some psychopath broke you.”
West’s leer flashed across Faith’s mind.His oft-repeated promise rang in her ears.I will break you.
That finally tipped the scales.She sighed and nodded.“You’re right.I hate you, and I’m really worried that I’m just going to get Turk killed this way, but you’re right.I’m just afraid.”
She closed her eyes and tried to stop herself from sobbing.She was successful but only just.
“I know,” Michael said.“And I know that you really are traumatized.Nine hundred ninety-nine times out of a thousand, I would tell you that retirement is the best thing you could do, but you’re the one time out of a thousand.You’re not any other agent.You’re Faith-goddamned-Bold.If you left like this, you’d feel relief for a little while.Then you’d feel a lifetime of regret that would absolutely destroy you.”
Faith thought of a future as a K-9 instructor, no longer in the field, no longer catching bad guys or giving innocent victims the justice they deserved.She thought of Turk, safe and probably fulfilled.He was easy to please.
But would she be fulfilled?
No, she wouldn’t.Especially knowing that one of these psychopaths had finally gotten to her.One of them had finally broken her.
