Dr.Keraya leaned back and gave Faith a frank look.Faith wasn’t fond of her maternal gaze, but at least it seemed genuine.“You clearly have very strong emotions about what happened.I don’t know if it’s wise for you to return to work so soon after suffering such a traumatizing event.”
“I’m being kept off of the Messenger case, obviously,” Faith said.“Also any cases having to do with dogs.I’m being careful with how I return to work, but I can’t just sit at home.I can’t just do nothing.”
That argument seemed to sway Dr.Keraya.“Very well.I will pass along my endorsement of your return to work.But please take care of yourself, Faith.If you feel in any way emotionally compromised, let your superiors know and take time off.There are ways to keep yourself busy without further damaging your psyche.And I don’t have to tell you that if you are emotionally compromised, you will be less able to perform your duty, and therefore, you will put people at risk.
Faith’s lips thinned.“You don’t have to tell me,” she agreed.“You have my word that as always, I will do my duties to the best of my ability.”
“Of course,” Dr.Keraya said, “but it’s all right to admit that one’s ability fluctuates.”
***
Faith gripped the steering wheel of her Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor hard enough that she felt the leather stretch under her palms.She tried to attach her anger to Dr.Keraya and her pop psychology catchphrases and distantly polite attitude, but her mind kept drifting back to the murderer who attacked her and killed Turk.Andthe bitchhadkilled him, even if he was only dead for five minutes.
The Messenger.God, what a stupid name.Faith hated that people gave nicknames to serial killers, like they were wrestling stars who needed a cool handle to strike fear and awe into the crowds.
Fucking assholes.Why did people worship them?What was cool about a crazy bitch who was so in love with a man who killed over thirty innocent people that she had to bash in the skull of a middle-aged FBI agent, tear an elderly woman's eyes out and embed a television in a shopkeeper's hollowed-out chest cavity?What did normal people think when they read those stories?That they were always going to be spectators in these games?What if, one day, they were the main show?Faith guaranteed they wouldn't cheer then.
She wasn’t laughing.She hated the bitch.She hated her just as much as she hated Franklin West, the Copycat Donkey Killer whose exploits had far surpassed the original Donkey Killer.She hated that the Messenger had murdered her friend and mentor, her neighbor, and another innocent man trying to scrape out a living in an expensive city in a tough economy.She hated that the Messenger had hurt her dog, and she hated that the Messenger had somehow managed to beat her in a physical fight despite being several inches shorter and at least twenty pounds lighter andnota trained fighter.
She hated that she was afraid of the Messenger, hated having nightmares of the woman’s sick smile as she raised her hammer high to shatter Faith’s skull while Turk choked to death in the background.
She pulled into the driveway of the home she shared with David.Two FBI vehicles sat in the drive, leaving her just enough room to pull into the garage.A third sat across the way.The six agents assigned to watch her house had learned the hard way that Faith didn’t want to make small talk with them.She didn’t need any more reminders than already existed that she was a victim who needed to be kept safe.
She shut the garage door and sat in her car for several minutes.She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths to calm her anxiety and leave her ready for the greeting to come.The first few times she’d returned home after Turk was released, she’d broken down sobbing and caused her poor dog unnecessary stress.
When she felt she was okay to go inside, she got out of the car and entered the door into the kitchen.Clawed feet immediately pattered on the laminated hardwood floor, and Faith couldn’t stifle the smile that came to her face when ninety pounds of fluffy puppy barreled across the kitchen to jump into her arms.
Turk barked joyfully and licked her face, tail wagging powerfully as he greeted his best friend.Faith laughed and held him tightly, pressing her face into his luxurious fur and inhaling his pleasantly musky scent.Turk craned his neck to keep licking her, and when his tongue went into her ear, she laughed and set him down.
“Okay, boy, that’s enough of that.I don’t want David to get any more jealous than he already is.Who’s hungry?”
Turk looked at her in amazement.There was no way she could think he was ever anything but hungry.She laughed again, reached down and cupped his cheeks.“I love you, boy.You know that?I love you.”
Turk beamed at her, and the love his eyes returned was so bright that all of Faith’s negative emotions fled like shadow from sunlight.Night would fall again, but it was midday now, and Faith was happy.
She gave Turk his dinner and watched him devour it hungrily.David was concerned that Turk might be averse to eating after the Messenger poisoned his food, but he had bounced back as though nothing had happened.He was all right, and Faith was all right, so the world was all right.
If only that were true.Her smile faded, and though the shadow remained hidden, the sunlight dimmed slightly.She ruffled his fur once more, then washed her face and warmed up some dinner for herself.David was on-call that night and wouldn’t be home until early the next morning.
She really wished he was here with her.She could really use a hug right now.She’d get hugs from Turk, but she really needed the kind of hug that Turk couldn’t give her.She was sure Dr.Keraya would have something to say about using sex as a band-aid to cover negative feelings, but Faith didn’t give a shit.She was desperate to feel anything other than this constant seesaw between profound relief and sheer terror.
She finished her meal and opened a bottle of chardonnay.As she poured herself a generous glass of the wine, she wondered how the conversation tomorrow would go.Was she really ready to come back to work?She’d insisted to Dr.Keraya that she was fine because if she had given the psychologist an inch, Dr.Keraya would have had her suspended for months, and onsidering her past history, that suspension would basically be a prelude to termination.
Faith didn’t want to retire, but did she want to go back into the field with Turk?She thought she was okay with the risk, but she’d never actually seen him close to death before.Watching him struggle on that table made it viscerally clear that she wasn’t going to take it well if Turk died.
He was already past the mandatory retirement age.He was only still working because Faith had fought for a special exemption.Maybe it was time for her to consider letting him retire.
Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to leave the field herself.
CHAPTER TWO
It had been several months since Grant Monroe—immortalized as The Boss in the hearts and minds of the team at the Philadelphia Field Office—was murdered by the Messenger, but in Faith’s eyes, it still seemed sacrilegious for anyone else to sit in his chair.It didn’t help that the someone sitting in his chair was Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge Tabitha Gardner, a religiously by-the-book leader who despised Faith.It especially didn’t help that Faith was going to grant Tabitha her greatest wish today.
To add to Faith’s discomfort, her partner—Special Agent Michael Prince—was sitting in the chair to her right.Turk sat in between them, wagging his tail, and his presence was the only thing that gave her the strength to say what she needed to say.
Rounding out the cast of characters was Section Chief Patel, The Boss’s—and now Tabitha’s—immediate superior, and Deputy Director Smythe.Smythe and Patel visited the field office from time to time to check on Tabitha’s performance.If she met their expectations, she would almost certainly become Faith’s new boss.Another reason why leaving the field office and taking an instructional job was the right choice for her.
Mostly, though, it was about Turk.Faith didn’t want him to be a target anymore.If the two of them were in Virginia living hundreds of miles from the Messenger and working at one of the most secure campuses in the world, there would be next to no chance that she could reach him.
