Page 78 of Hate So Deep
“Are you going to her?” he asks, and I shake my head.
Cory has never been able to forgive our mom for leaving. He's hurt. I get it but we're fucking stuck in this cycle until one of us breaks the chain.
Although I’m not holding out hope, getting away from this mess is the first step in that direction.
“I haven’t spoken to her in a while,” I say and his eyes narrow.
It’s true. The last time I saw our mom was the night my father betrayed me and all I could think was to find the woman who used to be my shield.
I don’t know what I hoped to gain by driving three hours north but as soon as I rolled up and saw her standing on the porch of her new home, with her new family, I knew it was a mistake.
After all, if your own parents were willing to give up on you, why would anyone else ever consider the sacrifice?
“You promised,” Cory mutters and I stiffen, curling my hands into fists.
I’ve stayed all these years for him not because I wanted to be here but to take the blows so he wouldn’t have to.
I’m the one who learned the game, ensuring he was always protected from the plays.
To throw that it in my face now, is obscene, which is why I bark, “I didn’t promise anything, Cory but I did what I had to do and now, I’m fucking out.”
The light behind his eyes dims and I look away, locking my jaw. This isn’t my fight anymore but that doesn’t mean I’m not battling the mother of all guilt.
However, Cory is old enough, strong enough to fight his own battles now.
“Fine, Duckie, just fucking go. We don’t need your bullshit anyway,” he says.
My heart clenches at the nickname that I haven’t heard in fucking forever. This is what Cory called me when he couldn’t pronounce Dirk.
However, I push that shit aside because I don’t need manipulation tactics from a snot nosed kid who wouldn’t be here lecturing me, if it weren’t for me.
“Yeah, whatever, kid,” I mutter. “I’m out.”
Spinning to the door, I’m just passing the threshold when he says, “Just because Dad’s a dick doesn’t mean he’s always wrong, ya know?”
Are you fucking kidding me?
“Really?” I bark. “You don’t know shit.”
If this were anyone else, they’d be on the floor already, but I vowed a long ass time ago to never lay hands on my brother. It’s not always an easy promise to carry through especially now when the fucker thinks he knows everything about fucking anything.
“Maybe I don’t,” he says, “but someday, Dirk, you're gonna wake up and realize, wherever the fuck you are, you’re still you.”
What? Now he’s a fucking philosopher?
Rolling my eyes to the ceiling, I summon a nasty smirk as I drawl, “Like I said, bro. You don’t know shit. It’s about time you grow the fuck up. Don’t you think?”
“Fuck you, Dirk. Newsflash, bro, beating up anyone who doesn’t lick your ass doesn’t make you a fucking hero.”
Hero, my ass. Fucker.
I’m halfway down the stairs and considering creating a new hole in the wall next to our asshole father’s when Cory says behind me, “Fucking coward.”
I’m tempted to lash out again but to what end? It’s true.
I never set out to be anyone’s fucking hero and the one time I fell into the trap of thinking I could actually save someone, I ate up the lies fed to me like they were candy only to rot from within in the end.
Chapter 31
