Page 85 of Doll's Eye
“Then what?”
“I love you, Alessia. I never stopped.”
My entire body feels like it might fall through the mattress and through the floor, and I have to swallow through the constriction in my throat. Blinking back the threatening tears, I divert my gaze to the ceiling. “Please, don’t. I’ll give in, I’ll behave. Just don’t say those things to me. I fell for them once, and it almost destroyed me when you took them back.”
He once had me convinced that our love was interminable and unequivocal. Then he tarnished it when I learned the poignant truth. Love is not at all unconditional. There are always limits.
“I won’t ever part from you again.” His voice is soft and kind, yet concrete.
Shaking my head, I close my eyes and say, “Please don’t. I can’t take it. I’ll go insane. Do whatever you want with me, just stop saying things like that.”
“It’s the truth.”
The ceiling comes into view when I slowly blink my eyes open. “I don’t believe you anymore, De Luca. Remember that fickle thing called trust?” I turn to him. “I have lost all trust and faith in you. Your words have lost all credibility. There isn’t enough time in a lifetime to earn it back.”
He stares at me, his jaw ticking underneath his dark facial hair. His hazel eyes unblinking. “Well, good thing I have all the time in the world to remedy that.” He pulls his fist out of his pocket. Reaching up, I realize too late what he’s doing as he uncurls my hand then slips the ring into place. “These last few years should have never happened, Alessia. We should’ve been married and having our first child by now.”Oh, you cold bastard. My throat becomes painful trying to knot up my emotions. “We’ll get back to where we were.”
“You can’t erase the last few years just because you wish they didn’t happen. They did. I’m not even the same woman anymore. You might not even recognize me.”
“Well, like I said.” He uncuffs me from the bed and takes my wrist in his hands to tenderly rub it. “We have all the time in the world.” Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he kisses the back of it then moves to kiss the bruising around my wrist.
“Can I have some privacy please?” I ask when he takes me to the bathroom to use the toilet. He turns his back to me but doesn’t leave. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“You may seem docile now, but I’m not stupid,amore. Now, do what you need to do, so we can get some dinner.”
“As in leave the estate?”
He chuckles. “What do you think?”
“So, you’re really going to stand there and listen to me pee?” He doesn’t answer. Grunting my disapproval, I drop my panties and pee. It was humiliating enough to have a toilet out in the open in my cell where anyone could come by to catch me sitting on the pot. Relieving myself in private will feel like such a privilege after this.
When I walk past him after I’m done, he’s hot on my heels, expecting me to run or fight. I stop at the sink and pick up his toothbrush to use since there isn’t another one for me. I shrug my shoulders at him in the mirror as I brush my teeth. He doesn’t say anything as he stands there and waits.
Once I’m done, I leave the bathroom and take a seat in the sitting area. “Can I have some clothes to wear?”
He pauses just short of where I’m sitting, regarding me with condescension. Like I’m some inept peasant from whom he expects undue reverence. His eyes finally meander south, causing a heat wave. I strain to maintain a stoic façade. He’s already eroding my resolve and wearing my resistance.
“I like you like this,cara mia.”
Defiance seeps back in, but I keep the outburst at bay. Instead, I stand up and head to the closet. I almost trip over my own feet when something abruptly stops me. My clothes are already in here and neatly put away as if I never fucking left.What kind of sick joke is this?If this is his way of fucking with me, he’s beyond cruel and cunning. I was planning on coming in here to throw on one of his t-shirts, but here they all are, deriding me, taunting me.
“Bastardo,” I mutter as I grab a comfy shirt and soft shorts to throw on. As I spin around to exit the closet, I stop again and this time, so does my heart.
“Is this some kind of sick joke?” I’m shaking when I burst out of the closet with smoke coming out of my ears, holding the custom-made wedding gown of mine in one piece. He’s standingin the same spot I left him, still so relaxed. I slam down the dress and stomp on it like a petulant child, and scream through my teeth. “I hate this dress! I hate this ring!” I pry it off and fling it at him. “And I hate you! You might be king of your castle, but you will never be anything above me! I let you play me before, and I will be damned if I let you do it again! You built me up only to tear me down! But you didn’t fucking break me! You’ll never break me! Ever!” I go flying at him, talons extended. Pounding my fists into him wherever I can get to. “You fucking piece of shit! You can’t have me! I’d rather die than be yours again!” The fervid rage that has been building and coiling inside of me is now erupting. No longer able to harness or subdue it. “You fucking lying sack of shit! You’re a fucking monster! I wish I never met you! I wish you would just—"
Between my hair covering my face in my fit of rage and the speed at which he moves, I’m suddenly pinned down to the mattress with my arms above my head and my legs pinned down with his weight. The position and the force he’s using stabs at my still healing ribs and arm making me whimper in pain.
“You done?” he clips sharply, not raising his voice, though he’s lucidly peeved.
“With you, yes. I’ve been done with you,” I spit with my hair still in my face.
“You think that’s supposed to discourage me? Even if I really thought you were done with me, it wouldn’t matter. I’m not done withyou. Not now, notever. It’s up to you when you decide to accept it.”
“Never,” I growl through my teeth.
“Now look who’s full of shit,gattina.”
My arm and ribs are killing me now. “You’re hurting me, Massimo,” I say in a softer voice. Setting my pride aside for the excruciating pain.
