Page 68 of Doll's Eye
Alessia spent the night at the Bonetti estate last night and I let her. I was torn between never letting her out of my sight ever again, and not being able to look at her without hostility.
I love her for her audacious side, but she is so fucking arrogant and reckless at times. She could have helped Gemma get to safety and then taken safety herself. We were only minutes away. Instead, she had to go all fucking macho trying to prove something. It was stupid and I could’ve fucking lost her.
I requested some time with Tullio while I was there to pick Alessia up and bring her back home. He agreed, claiming he wanted a private word with me as well. So, here I am with Tullio and Santino closed inside their office.
“With the Bortsovs making some ballsy fucking moves and having a rat inside, it isn’t safe for her here right now,” Tullio cuts right to it. “With you or with me.”
“I know,” I say lifelessly. She was made to be my queen, but I love her too much to lose her. I would selfishly rather have her stripped of the life she is so faithful to and have her hate me,than to than to have her taken from me, leaving me breathing when she no longer can.
“So, you’re on board with this. Sending her away,” he asks.
Before I answer him, Santino speaks up. “If you do this, she’ll never forgive you. Either of you. She’ll hate you both for as long as she lives. You can never take it back or undo it once it’s done.”
“I understand that,” I confirm. I’ve tormented myself with the idea all night.
Twice now, there was a hit on the Bonetti’s. The first was my father’s doing, but it couldn’t have been him this time. And the Bortsovs have to be working with someone on the inside, and until we know who, none of us are safe.
Santino studies me as I sit here sulking inside. “I can’t tell if you’re doing this because you love her, or because you don’t.”
My fists clench, nails biting into the flesh. “Does it matter? Either way, I’m going to let her go so that she’s safe,” I raise my voice more than I ever do in present company.
“It does fucking matter,” he snaps back and I’m a little taken aback by his sudden change in tone. Santino is always calm, no matter the situation. “I’m going to have to stand by and watch you break her heart, and I need to know if you deserve a good pounding afterwards or not. I have never seen my sister in such a condition as when we forced your separation, and that was only for a week. So, I’ll ask you one more time. Are you letting her go because you love her, or is it because youdon’t?”
“It’ll break my heart too.”
I’ll never love anyone like I love her, and I will never agree to spend the rest of my life with any other woman. I’ll find someone eventually to give me an heir or two, but never a wife. Alessia Bonetti was it for me. The core of my being. Walking this earth without her by my side for the rest of my life will be my atonement for breaking every vow I gave to her.
“She’s not going to go easily,” Tullio says. “Especially if she thinks you don’t want her to.”
“I know what I have to do,” I flatly state, already feeling desolate inside.
Santino scoffs and shakes his head. “So, you two are really okay with losing her, of her hating you. And don’t forget she won’t just leave and accept it. She’ll seek revenge, or even worse. She’ll self-destruct.”
“It’s not forever,” Tullio mutters, visibly unconvinced by his own lies. “And this isn’t just for Alessia. This is for Mamma, Gemma, Lesina, Alba…” He eyes me briefly as if I am to add any names. But the danger of the females in my family are not as dire as theirs. “And I’d rather have her hate me than to see her dead,” Tullio adds taking the words right out of my mouth.
“Yeah, well, she might as well be dead to the two of you after this,” Santino says.
“As long as her heart still beats, I can live with that,” I end with.
Chapter thirty-six
Alessia
Iended up sleeping in my old room across the hall last night. And Massimo never came for me, not even to talk or drag me back to our bedroom.
But this morning, he had no problems hunting me down to tell me Tullio requested our presence today. He delivered the message, then left.
I’m an emotional mess inside, but I gather up my wits and head out to the waiting SUV. I’m almost surprised when he slips inside the same one as me, and I hold my tongue about it. How much his sudden change in character hurts will remain mine to bear, as is the severe impact these silent moments take on my heart.
The entire ride is painful as he stares down at his phone and I look out the window watching the world whiz by. I feel like we’re further away from each other than when we first met. When he was cold towards me then, it was obvious he just didn’t know how to relax around anyone. He needed time. Now, he’s tryinghis best to ice me out and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell me why.
Whatever my brother wants to talk with us about, I want to speak to him about coming back home. It’s clear that Massimo no longer wants me. Last night, he redacted every promise he had ever made to me, and it killed me.
I hate myself for obsessing over where it might’ve gone wrong. WhatIcould have done wrong. Is he really so turned off by my decision to fight to save my sister?
I’ve never tried to hide who I was. I’m the same tenacious woman I’ve been from the beginning. The very one he’s been encouraging to soar.
How could he shape me for a throne, only to deny me its seat?
