I take a few steps toward him, but…I’m stalling the last few because that feeling of panic is starting to rush through me at rapid speed.
Why am I glad that he suffered through a Garcia event with me?
Why am I always so ready to give him my control?
Why do I have no interest in sleeping with other men?
Why do I prefer his company over being alone?
WHY!?
His little love tap to my ass snaps me out of my panic. “Stop being a brat, get in.” I follow instructions, but I’m far too childish to do so without a retort, so I mock a “sToP bEiNg A bRaT”under my breath, and I hear his responding chuckle.
“Scooch forward.” He gestures as I sit down, and when I turn in his direction, he is already climbing in behind me. I make room, allowing him to seat himself behind me, placing a leg on either side of my body before he wraps his big arms around my middle, pulling me flush against his chest. “Are you okay?” he asks, but I swear he is laughing at me.
“Huh?” I’m trying my hardest to clear my head, but I’m still trying to understand what is going on. I don’t know how to do…whatever this is. He’s being so…kind? But not in a playful way that I can usually get around. It’s sincere. It’s laced with care and…what the actual fuck is happening right now?
“You’re stiff, are you all right?” His voice lowers and a gentle hand lands under my chin, turning my head until I’m looking right into his sparkling, deep blue eyes. They bounce between mine, looking almost concerned.
“Yeah,” I whisper back to him, feeling frozen by the way he has completely consumed me.
“Breathe in,” he instructs, and I, for some reason, listen, taking a deep breath. “Breathe out.” And I release my breath, his warm body completely wrapped around me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently, the intensity of his stare never wavering, his hand not dropping my chin. I only stare blankly at him. “The dream?” he clarifies, and I shake my head quickly. No way am I opening that can of worms with him. But he doesn’t push, just presses his lips to my forehead and takes a deep breath. The breathing does something to relax my muscles, and when he feels me soften slightly, his hand on my chin loosens, gently nudging my head to lay against his chest.And then he presses a kiss to my hair before he rests his chin on top of my head.
What. The. Fuck?
“Are we…cuddling?” I whisper, too scared to say it out loud, and the chuckle is almost instant.
“Do you have something against cuddling, Rosebud?”
“Well…I’ve…I don’t?—”
“What? No one ever cuddled you?” he questions like he doesn’t believe me.
Asshole. I feel my skin flush with embarrassment, feeling completely chastised but also vulnerable, and Caleb has seen me far too vulnerable for one night.
I can’t bear another second. With his skin on mine, hot and comforting, the caresses, the…care.I didn’t sign up for this. I sit forward, wrapping my arms around my body.
“I don’t want to do this. I should leave.”
“Woah, hey, easy. I didn’t mean to tease you.” He rests his hands on my shoulders. “It’s just surprising, is all. I would have thought men everywhere would be fighting to have you wrapped in their arms.” He leans forward and kisses my shoulder as I blink back the surprising sting behind my eyes.
No one has ever fought to hold me longer than the time it takes for them to come. Though, I don’t usually let myself hang around long enough for that kind of disappointment. I, myself, also hightail it out of there. But I wasn’t evencuddledas a kid. Apart from the group hugs or quick hugs of comfort shared with Addison or Casey, no one has ever justheldme. And I really hadn’t paid attention to that fact until he was suddenly always trying to hold me. I know he’s tried to embrace me before, tonight included, each time he’s realized I’m uncomfortable and he’s let go, not lingering.
This is different.So,so different.
I admit to nothing of course, instead waiting for him to give up and leave the bath so I can dress and bail. But after a minute, he’s still there.
His large hands massaging warm circles on my shoulders, every now and then a soft kiss against my neck. He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t even try to touch me in a way that’s overly sexual. I haven’t a clue what to make of it.
So, I let my eyes fall closed, taking a number of deep breaths. The warm press of Caleb’s hands on my skin somehow grounds me. The more I focus on it, the less I feel the need to run from his embrace, and the more I find myself wanting to just let myself have this, to just enjoy him and his touch.
So, I do the one thing I never saw coming.
I fall back into him.
He must be as stunned as I am, because his hands hover for a moment before they slowly and gently wrap around my middle, moving me slightly so I’m nestled more comfortably between his legs.
