“Jesus Mary Mother of Joseph!” I squeal, my coat going up in the air as I jog in a circle of shock, my heart landing in my throat. “Caleb!” I spin on him, whacking his chest as he laughs softly to himself. He bends to pick up my coat and I yank it from his arms,not able to hide the smile creeping up on my face. “What in God’s name are you doing here? Scaring the tits off me!”
“I would never. They’re my favorite part.” His playfulness feels rather hollow as he stands there, solemn looking, his eyes covered in the shadows of the night, only partly highlighted by the moon. I cross my arms, tilting my head in assessment of him.
After a few moments, I make quick work of flicking a text off to my group chat with Casey and Addy, confirming I did in fact come home,alone—which is not technically a lie—before shoving my phone back in my pockets and staring at the big, unusually brooding man in front of me.
“Rough week?” I ask, and he shrugs in response. I let my head loll to the side, because apparently, I’m made of butter now. “C’mon, you ol’ injured puppy,” I say, melted by his lonely appearance. Grabbing a fistful of his suit jacket, I drag him behind me as I head into the building.
CHAPTER 19
like…there is nowhere he would rather be
Rosie
“President Barbie didn’t do it for you tonight?”
“Who?”
“Dark hair, legs for days, a smile that could give a country hope?” I flick a teasing smile over my shoulder as I fix two glasses of water and head for where Caleb has made himself comfortable on the couch, his snorting chuckle his only response.
When I’m seated beside him, the glass of water in his hand, he leans back against the couch and closes his eyes, a heavy sigh leaving his chest. I nudge his knee with mine.
“I’m serious.” I laugh a little, trying to bring his somber mood up.
“She just wasn’t…” He trails off, his eyes looking at the ceiling before his head rolls against the back of the couch and lands on me. He breathes only a moment and then does his best to look anywhere but at me. “I guess, yeah…she wasn’t doing it for me tonight.”
“Well, her loss, my gain.” I flick my hair over my shoulder. “Though I really had only planned to have a bath, wash my hair, and go to bed. I guess I can make an exception.”
“Don’t.” He sighs, placing his glass of water on the coffee table. I turn my head to look at him.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make an exception. I didn’t come here for sex,” he says quietly, but this time his eyes are looking right at me, the line of his mouth pressed firm, almost like he’s mad, but his eyes are soft, a little conflicted.
“Oh?” I breathe.
“I just…I just…” He runs a frustrated hand down his face.
“You just?”
“I guess I like your company for what it is, Rosebud.” He pulls on a fake smile, though I’m sure it fools a lot of people, it doesn’t fool me.
His response has my brows furrowing. “We said?—”
“I know what we said.” His tone is sharp as he slices a hand in front of him to stop me. I see the real emotions, the ones he tried to hide a few moments ago, simmering in his eyes. Exhaustion, loneliness. And pain. “We keep this a secret, right?” he asks, a finger gesturing between us. I just nod my head as he continues, “So what’s another element to it? Don’t get me wrong, Rosie, I’ll throw you down on this couch right now and have you begging for me to let you come and I’ll enjoy every single second of the sweet sound of your pleas. But that isn’t why I came, why I sought you out. I just want to talk. I just want to hang out…I want somethingrealright now. Not some hollow fuck.” He flicks a hand up and I gulp.
Stunned literally speechless, I watch him. Watch the deep crease of his brow and the firm line of his lips that usually hold a playful grin. Before I can stop myself, the honest question leaves my lips. “What would you have done if I’d come home with adate?” I try to make it playful, but I genuinely need to know the answer. Like I’m holding my breath for it.
He barely moves, giving just a lazy lift of his shoulders, and I watch his eyes scatter between me, the couch, the windows. Unsure and terrified of the vulnerability he just thrust between us and the spot I’ve placed him in. “I’d have probably tried to scare him off and still shoot my shot.” His grin is sheepish, and that breath I was holding leaves my lungs in a soft laugh. I don’t know why that answer pleases me so much.
He still can’t seem to hold eye contact with me. It’s like he didn’t mean to say all that he has, but at the same time couldn’t stop himself. The kind of rush someone gets when they are desperate. Not in a pathetic way, more like they just can’t contain it anymore, like he’s been living with this need for someone to justseehim for so long, I am just the unlucky soul it landed on. I don’t doubt that he’d be at Noah’s right now if he was in town.
I don’t think it’s pity that has my shoulders sagging; it doesn’t feel like I’msorryforhim when determination firms itself inside me. When I do the unlikely Rosie thing of burying the snark, the sassy comments, the way I want to tease him and use this against him. It feels more like…well, like relief, I guess. I ignore most of that, though, not ready to analyze it and just tell myself I’m doing what any friend would do, and we were friends first, right? And when this whole using each other for our bodies is over, we’ll be friends once again.
So, I let go of it all and I do the same. I drop the mask, and I’m just me. Rosie.
I thrust my open palm in front of him and stand.
“Huh?” He looks down at my palm, confused, before looking at me then my palm again, and I just chuckle at him, rolling my eyes.
