She shakes her head, ignoring me. “You guys have been banging like rabbits since the holiday weekend.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “That is the longest break of a rule ever. Now you’ve got the promotion, you don’t need to work as hard. Are you going back on the hunt, or are you guys, like…dating or something?” I swear she almost snarls in disgust, but Jasper looks downright giddy.
“Can you pretty please keep him, I love watching his tight ass and pretty face walk through this office. It’s like a little afternoon snack every time he visits,” Jasper pleads.
“You two are theworst!I thought we were doing office gossip!” I’m going for annoyed, but I know I’m currently unable to wipe the smile off my face.
It’s true. I caved. Not fully, God no. But after feeling like a tightly pulled piece of dental floss one little stroke from falling off the edge two weeks ago, when I left our hotel in Chicago…I went tohim.Yep. I made the move. It’s horrific.
“Oh, we can office gossip. But you’ve got to give ussomethingabout Pretty Face, or I’m going to forget about boundaries and start spying on your little midday romp sessions.” She gives me an overexaggerated wink, emphasizing her overexcited words and I can’t help the little snicker in response.
“Fine.” I give in,again.Jesus. What is wrong with me? It’s all the goddamn orgasms. Maybe I need to put a stop to some of the sex, I think it’s melting my brain. “For clarity, we’re not dating, it’s just sex. It’s still a secret and we aren’t exclusive oranything. I don’t have time to go on the hunt for anyone else, Caleb’s doing just fine, so I’ll keep him a bit longer.” I smile at them with the mask they’re familiar with, ignoring the sour taste in my mouth with words that feel like an utter lie. The truth is, I was so frustrated, and unable to think of anyone or anything after I got home that weekend, that I showed up at his office on the following Wednesday. I made it two whole days because…ugh.I am so weak for that man.
Dressed in nothing but an oversized blazer and heels, my hair up, and a pair of fake glasses on. I sat on his desk and declared that hissex-retaryhad a message. And that’s how I caved.
I told him I needed him, told him that maybe it was something else, but that’s it. And he could fuck me on his desk, or we ended it right there. Thankfully, as I had anticipated, the man thinks with his dick and he didn’t press for more. He tore the blazer and I think his whole office knew what we were up to. Luckily, Ava’s office is on a different floor and Noah was in Chicago.
I’m just glad he hasn’t brought up that elevator talk again because,yeesh, I don’t know that I’m ready to do that. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that it kind of did feel like I needed him, and not just sexually. His company, it makes me feel calm, like I’m not losing control of my life, like it’s not heading to a pointy end where everything I know and love will just cease to exist. He makes me forget about my family and everything that comes with them. We eat cereal, fuck, laugh, talk, he cooks, too, which…what the fuck? And then we bang like unhinged rabbits and it’s the most at home I’ve felt in my apartment since Casey left. It’s the most settled I have felt in my life, and maybe that’s the promotion? But…sometimes it feels like him.
If you think I’m about to say any of that out loud to myself, let alone Halle, Jasper, or even Caleb, you’re on freaking crack. I am just getting cozy with the thoughts.
“Okay.” Halle breathes, falling into her seat. “Because I don’t know if I’m ready to lose my wingwoman, you know? Like how do we go out and tease silly men and then take them home if you’ve gone steady on me.”
I sputter at her words. “You have nothing to worry about.” I laugh at her, and then promptly burythe nasty feeling of betrayal toward Caleb. “Enough about me, you’ve got two minutes to fill me in about the office.”
Jasper dives into a Daniel spiel, he’s been a bit surly since I moved into the new office, but he’s also been quieter and not getting himself into as much shit. Which should be good, but it’s suspicious. I’ve been keeping an eye on him. Glad for Steph, though.
It’s not until Jasper taps the desk in front of me that I realize I have been checking the time and then checking my phone. It’s lunchtime, and Caleb isn’t here yet.
“Hello, Earth to Garcia!” Jasper clicks in front of my face. “Girl, you good, what has gotten into you?”
“All that lunchtime dick, you counting down or what?” Halle dramatically points at her watch-less wrist as they both snicker. I give them a bored look, but…Iamcounting down. And it isn’t even for the dicking…it is for the kiss. Honestly, I need a sage-ing or something, there is obviously a spirit possessing me.
But…Caleb’s kisses?In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,they are panty-melting. Even more so since the sex-retary moment. He comes, brings me lunch, and then he kisses me hello. We sit and we eat, we rarely fool around in my office, more because I have people dropping by often and my schedule is packed, so I don’t have enough time. I don’t correct Halle, though, because I’m not going to tell her that I look forward to spending lunch with Caleb, chatting, teasing, laughing, eating, and then when he leaves, getting that kiss goodbye.Fuck.He eats me up with his eyes and then his lips searacross my skin. They’re soft and teasing and there is always a promise of what’s to come that night before he pulls back, always with a last kiss on my cheek. Then he’s gone. And I am a fucking sucker for it every time. No way am I about to tell themthat.
“Okay, speaking of, you two need to head out, I have an inbox full of shit and some edits I need to go over. Gossip time is done.” They groan, heaving their way out of the office, leaving the door open on their way out, which I don’t mind.
I open a tour schedule I need to approve for an author and then see Jessie’s email in my inbox. I flick through the last round of suggestions he’s gone through, going over all his changes, and I smile.
It’s perfect. His writing is truly an art form, I don’t know how he hadn’t done this sooner. I flick off my responses but keep the doc open to read through again, and as I’m starting the mundane part of clearing my inbox, my thoughts wander…again.
To tall, filthy, and flirty.
My mind is consumed by him, and normally this would freak me out, but it’s starting to sit okay in my head. Sometimes, after a good day of talking and laughing with him, maybe even a night out with our usual games in a bar and then fantastic sex, I consider the nonexclusive situation he asked for. I tell myself that maybe I actually do want that.
I nearly demanded it one night when I saw some leggy blonde put her hand on his arm and gave him the fuck-me eyes. I’ve never wanted to claw a bitch’s eyes out over a guy before, so that was an alarming emotion to have course through me. Thankfully, Caleb had just dismissed her casually, without causing a scene so I didn’t have to embarrass myself in front of our friends by making some hasty decision. Though Caleb seemed to have really enjoyed the look on my face. I tied him to my chair again that night, just to shut up his smugness.
But the words feel like they’re on the tip of my tongue, especially when I’m with Addy and Casey and we’re talking boys. The two of them are loved up as all heck, but it’s almost becoming automatic to join their playful complaints about their men; I nearly chime in every time. I almost tell them stories like how they tell stories. And every time, I have to physically stop myself because we’re still a secret. But then I consider, well…what if we weren’t? What if we were exclusive, and not a secret and, like…people would see us kiss in public or something…or other things couples do? Addy and Noah touch a lot in public, I don’t think I’d do that. But I wouldn’t hate the hungry looks and a little teasing, kind of like Casey and Jessie. He practically undresses her at the table every time we’re all together. It’s like he forgets anyone else is there. I used to find it super gross, but now…well, I just think about Caleb devouring me with his eyes and I get all hot under the belt.
But you know what stops me? My dad trying to call me. Yeah, that old chestnut. Still pulling his strings. He’s let me off with avoiding his calls, but every time he calls, it’s like a bucket of ice water on my whole life. Because there is a reason I have my rules. The no-repeat, the nonexclusive, the no-sleepover—which still hasn’t been broken, thankfully—because Ican’thave any of it. And normally that reminder fixes me right up. I can go back to my mask, and my borrowed life with a flirty smile and a mind full of arrogant confidence ready to take the world by its balls.
But lately? I think of all the stolen kisses, and the dimple in his cheek when he laughs properly, or the forlorn look in his eyes at night, when it’s dark and he stares out at the city. The way he silently reaches for me, just to twine our fingers and to play with my curls when he’s lost in his mind. The subtle presence of him and his scent that covers my entire bedroom at this point. All of that? Has the realization that I can’t have it for real sinking in, making me feel empty. I feel…sad.
“Hey.” Steph knocking on my door startles a yelp out of me, pulling my attention from where it had wandered over to the view of the city. “Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” She gives me a gentle smile and I let go of a heavy breath.
“No, don’t be sorry. I zoned out for a second there. What is it?” I straighten up, pulling back my shoulders and returning her pleasant smile.
“Chris wants to see you in his office.” She smiles again, and then she’s gone. Of course he does. I look up and pray for whatever holy goddess is up there to give me patience. His report isn’t due until the end of the week. It was only Monday, he honestly needed to relax. But I close out of what I was doing and head for his office. I’m busy going over the numbers that I know off the top of my head—because the report isn’t ready yet, obviously—as I make my way to his office. I knock a couple of times, and when I hear him call out, I open the door, then close it behind me.
“Hey, what’s up?” I don’t hide the impatience in my tone. I have a lot to do and he is eating into precious office time.
