Page 21 of Beyond Repair: Part Two
Chapter 13
Nina
In through my nose, out through my mouth. In...Out...
"Trev—" My voice cracks, so I try again as I take another step across the patio. "Trevor? Are you okay?"
Trev's shoulders are bunched tight beneath his gray T-shirt and his back looks like it's about to hulk out. I hate to admit it, but I'm feeling slightly wary of him right now. Not that I think he would ever hurt me, but the energy is super tense even outside with just him standing in the middle of the yard.
"Trev—"
"Go back inside, Nina."
Shoot. I flinch, not liking when he says my name. He's always calling me baby or baby girl which makes me feel so small and under his protection. Fighting the urge to cry because this really isn't aboutme, I keep walking toward him.
My bare feet brush the grass and I swear he tenses even more. "Do you want to talk about it?" I force my anxiety down so I can help one of my men like they help me.
My confidence grows until I'm placing my hand between Trevor's shoulder blades.Sheesh, he's strung tight. Or maybe it's just muscle.
Blowing out a big breath, Trev says, "I'll be okay, baby."
The pet name helps me stand a little taller. Taking a risk, I wrap my arms around his waist and press my head to the center of his back. "That means you aren't okay right now."
Like my words popped a balloon, Trevor slumps and wraps his arms around mine. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I just...Fuck, I didn't realize I made you guys feels that way."
"Not me," I amend. Trevor doesn't make me feel stupid, or silly, or inferior.
Another big huff. "Don't placate me, Neen. I know I have a strict way of functioning and wanting my family to follow, but I never mean to make any of you feel...fuck." He drops his head in what I really hope isn't shame.
I shimmy around until I'm standing in front of him and our mouths are a breath apart. Without hesitation, I give him a soft kiss. "Listen to me," I beg. "Ilovethe dominant parts of you, Trev."
He frowns. "All of it or the sexual stuff?"
Geez, I blush. "All of it. I enjoy feeling smaller than you. Like my body, mind, heart, and soul are in your hands. I've spent so long trying to survive, it's areliefto let you keep me afloat."
"Kai said?—"
I kiss him again. "I heard what Kai said, and his feelings are valid."Learned that in therapy."But I'm wondering..." Chewing on my lip, my confidence falters and I look away.
"Baby," he murmurs, grabbing my chin to make me look at him once again. "I would appreciate your advice. Please? We need help sometimes too."
Blowing out a breath, I expel somemoreanxiety. Really, the pit of anxious energy is never ending. "I think it's safe to say weall feel differently about the alpha vibes. Ridge brushes it off, Henry goes with the flow, I embrace it, and for Kai, I wonder if it hits a nerve."
"What kind of nerve?" he asks, thoughtfully. Which is good because if he started getting defensive I would have a hard time continuing this conversation.
"Remember in high school? Kai struggled with feeling like he was good enough. He was the last to join our group, not to mention he never felt smart enough in school." That's how Henry and Kai met; Henry helped him with math homework.
Trevor's frowning, but I don't think it's because he's mad. He looks like he's thinking and remembering how much Kai struggled with self-worth when we were younger.
"How could I forget...?" he whispers, guilt eating up the clarity of his voice. "Fuck, after everything that happened...there were so many other feelings and issues we had to deal with."
I nod, understanding what he's saying. They struggled after my kidnapping and had a lot of work to do to keep moving forward. "You all seem to have done a great job with your mental health. But there are some things that will always need a gentle touch and extra care."
"For Kai, that's his ingrained feelings of inferiority," Trev says, nodding. "Son of a bitch." Dropping his forehead to mine, he groans.
Without much else to say, I run my hands up and down his back soothingly. I could stay like this forever, but soon the afternoon sun is going to suck the life out of me, I think.
"Baby. Did you mean what you said about how you like that side of me?" There's a vulnerability in Trevor's voice that feels like a warning. This is Trevor's thing that needs handling with extra care.
