“Because of Liv?”
“No, because of me. Because I don’twantto.”
“You don’t want to?” His dark brows disappear under his bangs. “So you’re not going to join a sorority?”
My one-word answer squeaks out of my tight throat. “No.” I think it surprises Leo and me both.
I’m not joining a sorority.
I tell him, “It’s something I always thought I’d do without question, you know? My family expected it, my friends expected it, Zander expected it.” I sigh while I shift my weight to one hip and lower my knees. “But I never thought about whetherIreally wanted to.”
I feel a little strange, kind of giddy, like I’m half out of my body. When I’m seized by a giggle, Leo tips his head in confusion. Then he smiles.
And my heart thumps double-time.
“It’s all your fault,” I say, hoping it sounds like an accusation. He’s the one who’s got me questioning my whole life.
He laughs. “I’ll gladly take the credit.”
I guess my accusation sounded more like a thank you.
“It’s Liv, too,” I admit. “Sad, isn’t it? That it takes my best friend’s heart getting broken for me to wake up and think.”
“We all have things we have to learn the hard way.” He gives my bent knee a squeeze. “So, what if the whole Liv fiasco hadn’t happened? Would you still be interested in joining a sorority?”
“Probably. Maybe.” I sigh. “But at some point, I think I’d realize it’s not for me.” I’m learning to recognize the restless feeling I get when I’m doing something that, underneath, I don’t want to do. It makes me feel confined.
I glance down to where Leo’s hand still rests on my leg. He has nice hands. Warm and strong. And around his middle finger he wears a handcrafted-looking silver ring that, for some reason, I never noticed until now.
I fiddle idly with it as I consider the repercussions of bailing out of Rush. “There’ll be a reckoning. My mom’ll disown me.”
Leo slides his fingers between mine. “What aboutZander?”
“I don’t think he’ll care.” So long as I keep spending all my free time at O-Chi, it won’t matter to Zander if I have my own Greek letters to claim. I don’t say all this to Leo, though. It doesn’t feel right to talk to him too much about Zander.
Quickly, I say, “It’s Liv I’m worried about the most. It’s gonna take a while for me to convince her she isn’t the reason I dropped out.” She’s threatened enough by the changes in me, and now her world’s been rocked. Braden, her grades, getting blackballed. I’m the only firm ground she has left to stand on. “I guess all I can do is be honest with her.”
Leo gazes into the distance. “You can’t go wrong with honesty.”
“Even if she’s not going to understand?”
He licks his lips as he sharply exhales. “Even if she’s not going to understand.”
I don’t need to be an empath to tell he’s wrestling with something, some sort of personal conflict of his own. Maybe since I’m spilling my guts, he’ll feel more comfortable spilling his too. “What’s the matter?”
“Matter?” His eyes cut to mine with a flash of alarm. “Nothing.”
For the first time, I’m tempted to read him—psychically. But he wouldn’t want me to, and I can’t do it without him knowing. I rifle through my observations and memories, grabbing onto the one thing I think could be bothering him. “Is it weird now, you know, with Robin gone?”
“A little, yeah.”
“Are you friends or was she just a roommate?”
“We’re colleagues, mostly.” His eyes are fixed on our joined hands. “But friends, too. We’ve known one another for years.”
“Did she graduate?”
“She wasn’t a student.”
