She wrapped both her hands around his, her face crumpling. Her breath was shaky.
He wished this vehicle had a bench seat, instead of the gear stick in the way. He leaned across as best he could, and wrapped her in his arms. “Hey. It will get easier.”
“Will it?” She sniffled. “Just when I think I’m doing okay, something like this happens and I lose it again.”
“You’re doing fine.”
“I’m not. I feel like such a fake, like I’m struggling to keep my head above water.”
Oh, he knew that feeling. Only too well. He kissed her cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too. It’s just…” She dragged in a shuddery breath. “I just want a baby.”
“I know.”
He held her in his arms for a long moment. Then she exhaled and pulled away. “Sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”
“I wish I could do better.”
“It’s okay to be real.”
She smiled as he hoped she would. “Someone sounds like he’s listened to a certain podcast.”
“Someone might’ve had that discussion with you before it made it to that particular podcast.”
A lengthy sigh escaped her. “Why is it so easy to talk about things but so hard to live it?”
Great question. “Because we’re imperfect?”
“So true.” She exhaled. Wiped her face. Glanced at him. “Do I look like a mess?”
“You look cute. Like a panda.”
“What?” She flipped down the visor mirror. “I don’t look like a panda.”
“Hey, I said you look cute. Pandas are cute.”
She slapped his arm. “I think you owe me a chocolate croissant for that comment.”
He smiled. “I think you’re right.”
Two chocolate croissants later,they were back at the cottage, then, after unloading groceries, they wandered down to the dock, holding hands. It brought back memories of when they first dated, the simple pleasures of enjoying Lake Muskoka and spending time getting to know each other, when they could talk about all kinds of things for hours. Those days might’ve had their ups and downs, but they seemed a lot less complicated in some ways to now, when there seemed to be an undercurrent of unspoken questions beneath the surface.
“It’s such a beautiful day,” Sarah murmured.
“Yeah.” The lake was still, the reflections of trees on water unimpaired by water craft. It was still too early for the huge influx of summer tourists to be out, which was just how he liked it. One of the appeals of his cottage was the privacy he could get, with the large acreage on one side meaning he rarely saw his neighbors on the south. Beyond John and Ange’s cottage on the other side, the road led to Lincoln Cash’s extravagant waterside cottage, which was even less ‘cottage-like’ than Dan’s own place, and on its own point on the peninsular. The beach between his and John and Ange’s place was only shared between them, which meant this little bay with its own buoy and swimming dock was the perfect nook of serenity, with few summer tourists ever daring to venture in.
He lay back on the boards, enjoying the warmth of the sun heating it, enjoying the way Sarah snuggled into his side.
“This is nice,” she murmured.
“Not worried about sunburn?”
A sigh escaped her. “I really don’t think it’s fair that Australians are so close to the hole in the ozone layer when us Aussies are not the world’s biggest contributor to ozone destruction.”
He chuckled. “My environmental activist.”
