Oliver hummed and pointed at the track, pretending to realise his ‘mistake.’ “Whoops! How do you think I can fix it?”
Because kids loved correcting adults.
“This one,” Alfie said, pointing to a curved piece in the box.
“You reckon? Show me?”
Alfie glanced at Nancy and Shirley, who still had their backs turned whilst pretending to make tea. Shyly, he reached across and put the track in its proper place. Oliver gasped. “That’s loads better, thanks Alfie. I’m going to choose a car. Do you want to pick one?” Alfie nodded and watched as Oliver picked up the tattiest one in the box. He cast his eyes over the remaining toys before selecting his own sporty green car, which looked remarkably like a v6 twin turbo.
They played for a little while, pushing the cars around the track and pretending to drive to different places. After a while, Oliver introduced a set of tiny dolls and lined them up on the side of the track. Alfie looked at them, then looked up at Oliver.Oliver’s gut tightened ever so slightly, because for the first time in almost an hour, the shadow of a child appeared in Alfie’s eyes.
“It’s snowing,” Alfie said, eyes sliding back to the dolls.
Oliver’s heart leapt at the opening. “Oh, is it? What makes you say that?”
“It’s always snowing with mummy and daddy.”
“Oh yeah? What’s it like?”
“Sparkly. And it got on their faces a lot. And sometimes it went on my face, too. It made me feel funny.”
Love dust. The four year old child had been exposed toLove Dust.Oliver let out a slow breath, heart sinking into his belly. Love dust was a synthetic drug, manufactured to mimic the effects of heats and ruts. Similar to cocaine, but was a silvery white colour, and far,farmore addictive.
“It did?” He said, turning his attention back to Alfie.
Alfie nodded and continued to push the car around the track. He moved it until it pulled up alongside the little dolls. “Get in,” he said in a light-pitched voice, moving the dolls to the other side of the table. Oliver watched as he pulled a little house out of the toy box and sat it next to the dolls.
“Where’s this?” Oliver said, tapping the house.
“Aunty Joanne’s.”
“Yeah?”
Alfie nodded. “Mummy said she’s her sister,” he replied, pulling three of the dolls to one side. Then he pulled up two more dolls, one small and one large. Lying the small one on its back, he placed a larger one on top of it.
“Who’s this?” Oliver said, pointing to the larger doll. Alfie shrugged. “And this?” He pointed to the smaller one.
“Alfie.”
Oliver closed his eyes and swallowed.Fuck. Then Alfie walked one of the other dolls to stand next to the ones lying down.
“And who’s that?” Oliver said.
“Mummy.”
And Oliver thought for one naive moment that he was going to show mummy pulling the other doll away. Instead, Alfie screwed up his face and bared his non-existent fangs.
“Stop crying! Stop crying! Stop crying!” He shouted, causing Nancy and Shirley to turn around. Oliver threw up a hand, gesturing for them to stay still. Alfie’s eyes went wide, his pupils blown as his mouth locked into a wide ‘oh.’
An acrid scent blanketed the room, Alfie’s fear made real as it slammed into each of them like a lead weight. Oliver coughed, resisting the urge to cover his nose as he picked up the dolls, the cars, the tracks and put them back in the box. He pulled the boy into his arms, holding him as they sat on the floor.
“It’s alright,” he whispered, “It’s going to be alright. No one’s going to hurt you anymore.”
Tears pricked his eyes as he chewed his lower lip, and Alfie’s heart beat erratically against Oliver’s chest. “It’s alright, Alfie. It’s alright.” And for one blindingly intense moment, Oliver wanted to wrap him up in a blanket, take him home and feed him custard creams until he smiled again.
Oh God.Now he got it. Now he understood Matteus’ infuriatingimpulse to look after him, to feed him cottage pie and hover over him like a worried mother. And Lucas… how he involuntarily unleashed the primal howl when Oliver was hurt.Oh God. Oh no. It hurt.He didn’t want it. Didn’t want to feel such an intense need to protect.
The interview ended shortlyafter that. Alfie calmed down and resumed his original blank expression. A coping mechanism.
