I gripped the thin chains around my neck. I never took off the two necklaces he’d given me. Not ever. “We’re not breaking up. We’re not together.”
“That’s a fucking lie. You’re basically living together.”
I hadn’t slept in my apartment or even been back since I’d gotten drunk, except to get all my clothes and stuff. It felt natural to sleep in Don’s room, whether we were going to fuck or not. I said, “That’s not what I was talking about, anyway.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“He’s going to leave shortly after we get back to the Drakcon home world. He has responsibilities.”
Seth nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “That makes sense.”
A growl started in the back of my throat. “It might make sense, but I don’t like it. I thought he would stay until I left.”
“Until you leave? So is this about Don, or about you being upset that he’s not catering to you?”
I frowned, but Seth didn’t relent, staring directly at me. I was a selfish bastard. I knew it. Seth knew it. Hell, everyone but Don knew it. More like he refused to accept it.
“Both, I guess,” I confessed. “I want him to stay because I like him and I don’t want him to leave. I want more time.”
“How much time?”
Forever, I thought, and my heart thudded. I wanted forever, but I was terrified of staying, because the trauma was still there. Nightmares continued to plague me almost every night. The thought of people touching me made me feel sick, let alone the panic that ensued when someone grabbed me. I couldn’t even think about Don fucking me without a cold sweat. Everything that had happened remained, and I didn’t want it to.
“You can’t ask him to stay or give up his duty when you can’t even answer that question, Vinnie,” Seth said gently. “Don cares about you.”
“I know.”
He wanted me to stay. He wanted me for the rest of his life, which shocked me. Who would want me? Don knew me, my baggage, my fears, and he desired me, and more than that, cared about me. I had a hard time believing that.
“I want to ask you a question,” Seth said, voice careful. “If you don’t want to answer or this is totally inappropriate, tell me.”
I frowned. Seth usually never asked hard questions. Though looking at his red face, he wasn’t exactly comfortable. I nodded. “Ask away.”
Seth played with the water, eyes averted.
I nudged him. “It’s really fine.”
With a deep breath, he asked in such a quiet voice that I had to lean toward him to hear, “Is your wanting to leave about forgetting everything, or about not wanting to commit to Don?”
Angry words battled to escape, but I swallowed them, not wanting to hurt Seth. I said, tone rough, “Of course this is about forgetting. I don’t expect you to understand.”
His shoulders hunched. “I don’t, exactly. I’ve never been hurt like that. But I do know you. You never committed to anyone in the past. When relationships got too serious, you’d run. I just want to make sure that’s not what’s happening.” Seth glanced at me. “I’m pretty sure Don wants to remain with you.”
There was some truth to what Seth had said. In the past, I’d never been in a long-term relationship, but that was because I’d been in love with Seth. Now, that wasn’t the issue.
If I did stay, it didn’t mean I had to remain in a relationship with Don. I scoffed. I would. I couldn’t imagine not being with him or allowing anyone else to touch him. Don was mine. I recognized how unhealthy and possessive I was, but it didn’t change my feelings. If I stayed, Don and I would be a couple; we would become mates—I had no doubt about that.
Fear coiled in my gut at the mere thought of being Don’s mate. The permanence. I would never be able to escape, not even if he got tired of dealing with my past or all the baggage that came with me. And what if some soulmate showed up one day, but we were already mated? Everyone would be hurt.
A hand gently grabbed mine, and I sighed.
“You don’t have to answer,” Seth said. “If you would think about it?”
“I will,” I whispered.
After a long day of wandering the snowy woods, it was nice to relax in a private hot spring with Don. I was straddling his lap, head on his shoulder. He traced his fingers up and down my spine as we simply cuddled. We’d barely even spoken when we’d climbed in. I’d merely settled on his lap and snuggled close.
My thoughts were blissfully empty. The water was bone-melting hot, hella relaxing, but I wouldn’t be able to stay forthatlong. However, it was nice, and Don was comfortable. I was safe, utterly safe. Don would never let anyone hurt me.
