“Why do you want to know?” I asked.
“No reason.”
I doubted that, but without being physically next to him, my inner fire was useless to find the reason.
Chapter 30
Awkward conversation, take two.
I lounged for a bit after Don left, before getting up and taking another shower. I didn’t know how long he’d be gone, but I wanted to hang out when he returned. Doing something. Doing nothing. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the time we spent together.
Sitting on the couch, I ran my fingers over the strings on the harpsichord and watched as the instrument lit up in a multitude of colors, which made me grin. Don was insisting he learn how to play because I’d bought him the instrument. Though technically Seth bought it, or Kal, if I wanted to look at it that way, which I didn’t. I might be giving up Seth, but I still didn’t like Kal.
As I strummed the fragile strings, my mind wandered back to this morning with Don. Sex was getting easier. I trusted him not to deviate from what we planned. While I enjoyed everything that we did, I wanted more.
The thought of Don on top of me, pressing into me, made bile climb my throat and sweat slide down my back. I quickly pushed the image and unease away by taking a deep inhale of Don’s fragrance. I didn’t want him to sense my fear and come running. I wasn’t sure how far he could sense me from, but he always seemed to appear when I freaked out.
Don being on top or inside of me wasn’t going to happen, no matter how much I wanted it. At least not yet. My body was insistent on remembering everything, even though I was beyond done and wanted it to go away. Perhaps Camden was right about needing to talk to someone, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t have anything against therapy per se; it just wasn’t something kindly talked about when I was growing up, and I’d never seen a point to it. Then again, I hadn’t had the trauma I did now.
Man, I felt like such a dick, especially for how I’d spoken to Camden.
Could therapy even help me have sex with Don? And how in the fucking hell did I ask a therapist about that? I would die of embarrassment.
Though we were already halfway back to the drakcol home planet. How much longer did we have if I wanted to have Don fuck me? And did I really want to leave him? Could I leave him?
I sank to the couch, hands falling into my lap. I didn’t want to part from Don. The very thought made my chest tighten and tears burn my eyes. I pushed the sensations away. We would be planetside for months, maybe even years, before the drakcol sent a ship to Earth. We had plenty of time.
Penetrative sex would happen between us.
What if I was on top?
The thought of Don beneath me, his long hair spread out on the pillow as he made his soft noises, sent my heart racing. My cock twitched, then began to harden in a hurry. Though all of the touching made me a tad uncomfortable, scales to skin sometimes triggered me. It wasn’t limited to scales, but too much touch set me off at the most random of times.
The image of Don on his hands and knees, tail wrapped around my arm, as I fucked him filtered in, and I groaned. Fuck. I wanted to do that. I wanted to feel his hole squeezing me while I sank into the warm heat of him. I palmed my erection through my jeans, shaking. I almost stood to go back to the bedroom to jerk off, but I held off.
Would Don want to? He might, but then again, what if he didn’t bottom? I didn’t top often—because of my small size people often assumed I would always be the bottom—and some guys weren’t versatile like I was.
A chime interrupted my thoughts. My cock was hard and pressing against my stiff black jeans. I took several calming breaths and tried to relax, which didn’t help. In the end, I readjusted, hiding my straining cock, and called, “Enter.”
The door slid open, and Seth stumbled in, pale and sporting stubble. I held out my arms, and he crashed onto the couch, snuggling close. I had a single moment of fear before it rushed away. I brushed his impossibly soft brown hair back as he settled against my shoulder.
“Are you still hungover?”
He grunted.
I wanted to chuckle, but I swallowed it so I didn’t hurt his head. Seth had never handled alcohol well. That hadn’t changed. “Didn’t Kal take care of you?”
“Yeah.”
“Still hungover, though?”
“I drank more than you,” he groaned.
With soft touches, I continued to finger-comb his hair while my thoughts circled around Don. Before he got back, I’d have to put some distance between me and Seth or at least, think hard about how I wasn’t as strongly attracted to him. I didn’t want to hurt Don. Besides, he was truly the only person I wanted right now.
“Can I ask you something?” I said in a quiet voice.
“If you have to.”
