“Boundaries,” I reiterated. “Things you and I are comfortable with and what kind of relationship this will be. It’s something that drakcol discuss with every relationship, whether romantic or platonic.”
“Makes sense.”
“Did you want to do that now?” I asked carefully. I hoped he did, because I wanted to hold him. No, I needed to hold him like I needed my next breath.
I didn’t know if I’d ever wanted someone as much as I wanted him. I hadn’t had too many partners in my past. My inner fire made people wary of me. The few people I had fucked hadn’t been the best experiences for me, which wasn’t their fault. Sometimes they thought something off-putting during sex, or afterward, they’d compare me to past experiences or lovers.Then there were the partners who smiled afterward, but were less than pleased with my performance.
Yes, I could hear people’s thoughts, but I wasn’t omniscient. I didn’t know everything they desired, which upset some of my past partners. They’d expected me to be the best experience they’d ever had, but I wasn’t. With each one, my confidence flagged until it was a rare experience for me to ask or accept a request to fuck.
Vince was different. His mind was so close to my own, and he didn’t care about my inner fire. If I did something he didn’t want, he would tell me.
Also, I wanted him. Stars above, I wanted him. I desired him so much, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a bad idea. Vince was leaving. My fucking him wouldn’t change that. But it could be the start of me falling in love and considering him my mate. That was a path to disaster. Mating was permanent. Once the bond formed, I was stuck. If that happened and he left, I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t survive his absence.
His smile brought me back to the present. “Yeah. I want to talk now.”
It might be the death of me, but I wanted Vince and I was unwilling to let this opportunity pass me by.
Chapter 16
Talking before snuggling.
We sat on the couch, facing each other. My heart was beating so fast I could barely breathe. I wanted this so badly, but at the same time, I was nervous as hell. I used to be such a physically affectionate person. Holding hands. Hugging. Kissing. Snuggling. Fucking. It didn’t matter if they were my friends or some stranger I’d picked up, I wanted to touch them a lot. Now, I hated people touching me. It stirred up memories I would rather not think of.
Don seemed as nervous as I was, because he kept rubbing his wide thighs, his claws catching on the fabric of his pants. I wanted to crawl onto his lap and rub my face against him. Hesmelled so nice. I wanted to bury my face against his neck and breathe.
His tail flicked, edging toward me before it shot away. “We should talk before we cuddle.”
Heat rushed to my face. “Yeah.”
“First, I need to know what you want out of this relationship?”
“Nothing permanent,” I replied. “I know drakcol only mate once, and I don’t want that. I assume you have casual sex relationships.”
“We do.”
“That’s what I want. I mean, I don’t want to have sex yet. I want to touch you and be touched. I miss it.” I was getting a lot more out of this than Don was, which made me feel like an ass. We might not do more than snuggle, unless you counted him helping me to sleep, for a very long time. Don’t get me wrong, I was determined to fuck this trauma right out of me, but it might take a while.
“I’m alright with that. One of my permissions would be about falling in love. I can’t care about you like that, Vince, unless you choose to stay. Having a mate bond form, then having you leave me, would destroy me. If you are fine with that, I’m fine and would enjoy a casual relationship with you.”
“That’s fine.” I didn’t want him to fall in love with me. I had Seth, and I didn’t want to hurt Don when I left.
“I also need more than sex or snuggling. I don’t do casual sex without some sort of friendship or talking.”
That was easy. I liked talking to and spending time with Don. Besides, we usually saw each other every day. “Sure. We can hang out.”
“As you don’t want to have sex yet, we can forgo that portion of permissions. When you are interested, let me know and we will change the parameters of our relationship.”
I grinned. I liked this. Drakcol had relationships dialed in. Hammering things out in advance was nice, and it soothed some of my anxieties.
“I’m glad,” he said, responding to my thoughts. “Did you want to keep this relationship private?”
Seth. He was worried about that. “No. We can tell people.” I didn’t care. Seth was married, and I wasn’t going to hide Don. Nobody liked being pushed away or denied. Since it was perfectly safe to do so, I saw no reason to hide it.
He smiled, and warmth pooled in my gut. God, he was cute.
Don’s throat bobbed as his tail wiggled harder. Clearing his throat, he asked, “Are you comfortable with touching in public?”
We had touched a few times in front of people, but I said, “I don’t want to do that.” It wasn’t that I was rejecting Don, but if I freaked out, I wanted to be somewhere away from prying eyes.
