“Why? Why wouldn’t they help me?”
I set the plate on the floor to sit closer to him. When he didn’t move away, I felt honored with the show of trust. “It’s not helping you. Erasing your memories is a bandage to the true underlying issue. It’s like when I assist you into falling asleep. You wouldn’t have conscious memory of what happened, but your body will remember. You will tense and panic and not understand why. You will fear people like those who harmed you, and you will not know why. The technicians will do it when they return you to Earth, but the seeker in charge of your wipe would probably recommend you not to go.”
“Who are you to say what is best for me?” he snapped, standing. “You have no idea. None. You do not get to make my choices for me.”
“It’s not my decision, and I cannot say what’s better. I’ve never been hurt like you have. I have no idea what or if there is a better option. I cannot speak on it, Vince. I can only tell you the likely outcome. But you can petition the board of seekers for a memory wipe. I will assist you if you want to walk down this path. The council may require you to seek treatment with a professional first.”
“I don’t want treatment,” he yelled. “I want to forget. I want this to be over. Do you understand? I need this whole fucking thing to be over! I want to go back to who I actually am!”
I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t promise Vince the council would give him what he desired, nor could I say any comforting words. This wound wouldn’t disappear easily. It would take work to heal what hadbeen done to him, and there was no guarantee that everything would return to how it used to be.
His thoughts bounced, never remaining in one place. Anger. Fear. Longing. Despair. That brightness I’d sometimes glimpsed in him was swallowed whole by a void that was drawing him in, crushing him. Losing his memories wasn’t the cure he’d hoped it was. Vince had counted on that cure. He’d needed it more than anything.
While our technology was superior to that of the humans, we couldn’t fix everything. Much like humans, we possessed psychological doctors to help people heal from the mental wounds inflicted upon them or brain disorders like Zoltilvoxfyn’s deep moroseness and Seth’s anxiety.
Vince reached for me, eyes shining, and I moved toward him without thought. He pressed my hand to his face and dropped his head against my chest. “Help me.”
I pushed gentle waves of calm into his mind to steal the dark pit of emotions. As he sagged in my embrace, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was doing more damage to him, but it was Vince’s choice and I wouldn’t refuse him.
Chapter 13
Well, that’s interesting.
I sat beside Seth in the near-empty cafeteria as he spoke to the other humans about their options. I hadn’t wanted to leave my room this morning after learning what I had from Don yesterday. All of my slight hope at staying with my friends had come crashing down, leaving nothing but rubble. I’d curled up into a ball on my bed and refused to move. My mind had been utterly numb. That had been the entirety of my plan: never leave my bed unless Don was close by to calm me down.
Seth had ruined that rather morose and dramatic plan when he invited me to participate in this “Team Human” meeting. I hadn’t been able to refuse him, and I’d tried in every way feasible, short of actually telling him to fuck off. Of course, if I’dmanaged to beg off, Teddy would’ve probably shown up, as long as he wasn’t mad at me still. So I’d left my room.
Sure, Ishouldconnect with the other humans here. Camden and Pierce had both been in brothels like me; they would understand my issues. Roman seemed nice, as did some of the others. I mean, Brad was a surly dick, but I could ignore him or prod him into snapping, depending on my mood. And yet… I didn’t want to do any of that. I wanted to be in my room, lying on my bed and pretending to not exist.
Seth vibrated with nerves, drawing me out of my bleak thoughts, and I held his hand to calm him, ignoring the initial flash of disgust from the skin to skin contact. Seth gripped my fingers in his sweaty grasp, but I couldn’t pay any attention to him or his words. My mind zipped straight back to what I’d learned from Don. Most likely, my memories would remain intact if I stayed. And even if I went to Earth, I would have the same physical reactions and no idea why.
Of course, having been missing for two-plus years would make me guess about what happened, but I wouldn’t remember.
Camden, Brad, and Pierce, the newest members of Team Human, paid rapt attention to Seth. Caleb was also answering questions, but most of the humans moved away from him. In soul, he was human. In body, not so much. Also, he was fucking huge. It was taking a moment for everyone to get used to the drakcol proportions. Teddy didn’t speak, as he was brand new too, but he paid attention.
A few drakcol wandered by our table, but they gave us a wide berth, respecting our privacy.
Seth handled the questions about citizenship, school opportunities, and work fairly well despite the fact he’d had very little time to prepare, but his words drifted in one ear and out the other. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be anywhere else buthere. Alone preferably. In bed. Squishy pillow pressed against me.
The door whooshed open, and Don walked in, talking to another officer. A grin spread over my face at his sudden appearance, and my gaze ran over him. He looked good in his dark blue uniform with its high collar. I caught sight of several gold pips on his neck that probably meant something. The gold made my eyes flick to his earrings. He didn’t wear as much jewelry as his brothers, but what he had on was lovely. I liked the rings that pierced the tips of his ears—the green stones winking in the light—and the long chains in his lobes that nearly brushed his broad shoulders.
I sent him a greeting in my mind. He glanced in my direction in acknowledgment, but he didn’t do anything more.
Ah, fuck no. That wouldn’t do.
Smirking, I thought about when I’d tweaked his tail last night. Don had helped me sleep again, but his tail kept edging closer and closer to me on the bed, so I snagged it, making him jump near to the ceiling.
He stumbled over his words, the tail in question wriggling, and glared at me, which made me smirk harder.Don’t like that, Donny?I teased, burning with the urge to poke and prod him into reaction.
Don shook his head as his lips quirked.
My pulse spiked, and I warmed at the sight of that small, little, tiny quirk. I loved it. So much. I wanted to be the one to pull it from him for… well, for the rest of my damn life. It was so satisfying.
He turned toward me, eyes widening. He’d obviously heard me, but I didn’t care. Don was more than welcome to creep on my thoughts, and it wasn’t like I was trying very hard to hide them.
“Captain,” the drakcol said multiple times before Don shifted toward him to finish the conversation.
I leaned toward Seth. “I’ll be right back. Are you alright?”
