“Will you be happier here than on Earth?”
Frowning, he answered, “In ways, yes. I’ll miss Earth, but you're here.”
“What will you miss?”
A sad smile tugged at his lips. “Being able to keep myself safe.”
I stared at him.
He laughed, kissing me. “It sounds ridiculous. But on Earth, I know how to read the room to keep myself safe, usually fromhomophobic pricks, but I didn’t worry like here. I wasn’t afraid all the time. Here, it’s different. I’m not really ever safe unless I stay right here, beside you.” Vince kissed me. “Not that I mind. I like being right here next to you.”
“If you went to Earth, would you be happier? Safer?”
“No,” he said slowly. “You’re here, Donny.”
While Vince was saying one thing, his thoughts were all over the place. He only felt safe with me. He loved me. He would miss me too much if he left. He felt unworthy. He felt upset about not banishing the memories of what happened. He was pissed they would keep coming back. He wished we could go to Earth together. He wanted more time. He wanted less time.
Vince didn’t actually know what he wanted. And if he stayed with me, I feared he’d come to regret it one day. I would never survive that resentment from my mate, and by then, we would be publicly acknowledged as mates and he wouldn’t be able to leave me or go back to Earth.
Also, would my inner fire start to grate on him? I’d seen that annoyance when he couldn’t be embarrassed in private. How many more situations like that would happen? Would I spend our days counting down when he started to hate me?
But most importantly, did Vince truly love me or did he simply love the peace that I provided? I wasn’t certain if Vince even knew the answer to that question. He was so confused, so unsure, so unhappy, so scared. Vince was so many emotions that I could hardly breathe.
My soul shattered in my chest. I was going to have to let Vince go.
“Maybe you shouldn’t stay,” I said carefully.
White-hot pain flashed through Vince. “What?”
“If you would be happier on Earth, then you should go.”
Vince shoved my hands away and slid off my lap, breath harsh. “You want me to leave?”
“No!” I growled. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “I want you to be happy and safe. Wherever that might be, even if it’s not by my side.”
He gripped his necklaces, panting. His thoughts were a roiling mess of hurt.
“Vince, I want you to stay,” I told him again. “I do. But I want you to be safe. I don’t wish you to regret your decision. I couldn’t handle that or the subsequent resentment. It would kill me.”
“I can’t know the future, Don. I don't know if I'll regret it or not. I can’t know, and neither can you,” he snapped. “All I know is right now. And right now, I want to be with you and you don’t want me to.”
“Vince—”
“I offered myself, and you rejected me.”
“Vince,” I started again, but he wouldn’t let me.
He shoved a hand through his short black hair. “Don, why can’t you be fine with right now?”
“Because I have to think of the future, for both of us.”
“Mindy and Kal can accept when Teddy and Seth say they’ll love them forever, even though they can’t promise that. Why can’t you?”
“I’m not my brothers, and you are not Seth or Bartholomew. You, by your own words, would feel safer on Earth. What am I to say to that? I need you to be safe. I need you to be happy. And, Vince, you do not know what you want.”
He shook his head, coming closer. “I know what I want. I want you. You’re the one who doesn’t know what you want or… maybe you do. Maybe you’ve decided I’m too much work or that now, presented with forever, you’re not ready to commit.”
I got to my feet stiffly. “That’s not it. I want you, Vince.”
