My lips trailed over him, trying to ease the tension from him. “Tell me.”
His hand slid under my shirt to stroke my back and side. When he touched my scent gland, I bit back a groan. It felt so good. My hips canted into him as my lips found his neck. I bit and sucked. No. I jerked back. I refused to be distracted.
“Bartholomew.”
He sighed. “What if you don’t like me afterwards?”
I met his gaze. “I will always be here.”
“Promise,” he ordered.
I was more than happy to comply. “I promise.”
However, he hesitated.
“No matter what, Bartholomew, I won’t leave you.”
“Even if I did something unforgivable?”
“Even then.” I brushed his cheek. “Nothing will keep me from your side.”
Bartholomew took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Agk’s was… horrible. Vince and I cleaned the mess left behind from the fights. The trash, vomit, spilled drinks, blood, and the bodies. We would put them in the incinerator.” He fell silent, and I brushed my thumb over his cheek. Bartholomew looked straight at me. “They weren’t always dead.”
My gut fell. “Oh, Mate.”
The words spilled from his mouth of the first time Vince and he had burned a living being alive, and the others that followed. More of the humans and other beings they’d watched die. Tears poured down his cheeks as he shook beneath me. The starvation, the loneliness, the threat of being sold, and the regular abuse from Agk.
More and more came from my mate as he told me of the horrors that had happened to him, and more and more I had the urge to return to Xome and rip Agk to shreds. That xoi had hurt my mate and many others; he deserved to die, and I’d be more than happy to assist with that.
When Bartholomew fell silent, shaking beneath me, I kissed his neck. “Oh, Flower.” I wanted to apologize, but that wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.
“I killed them. More than one. I killed them. It was me or them, and I killed them. I stood by and let people die or pushed them along. I was the one who locked the door every single time so Vince wouldn’t be tainted by murder. I did it time and time again. No matter their tears, no matter how much they begged, no matter how sick it made me. I can still hear the thud the bolt made and the screams,” he said, crying. “You wouldn’t have done that. You would have fought. I killed them all, and I feel so damn guilty. Ghosts haunt me, Mindy. Every second of every day. I don’t know why I’m alive and they’re not.”
“You did not kill them,” I said, grabbing his chin.
“I did,” he sobbed, shaking. “Now you hate me, and you should. I didn’t deserve saving, Mindy. You should have left me behind.”
“No, Mate. No, to all of it. It was not your fault, I still care about you, and you most certainly deserved to be rescued. You survived, Bartholomew. Agk killed them. He bought them and made them fight. He made you burn them. If you had said no, you would’ve died. It was not your fault.”
“I killed them.”
My words alone wouldn’t absolve him of the guilt he carried, but I repeated, “No, Bartholomew. You survived, and that is not your fault.”
“I wish I didn’t.”
“Oh, my Mate.” I kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you survived. I’m glad you are right here in my arms.”
“Even with the ghosts haunting me?”
While I doubted any ghosts truly followed my mate—and when my brothers found us, I could have Zoltilvoxfyn check—I didn’t care if hundreds stalked him. I said, “Even then.”
His arms wrapped around me as he burrowed into me. “Do you still want me?”
“I will always want you. That will never change.” His past would never turn me from his side. Bartholomew had survived, and I was grateful for it, though I wished he’d never had this happen to him. “I will never leave you. Not ever.”
“Stay here,” he muttered, voice heavy. “Right here.”
“I will. Sleep, my Mate. I will guard you.”
