I stayed by her side until she cried herself to sleep. When I reached the street, I hesitated. I had no idea where I was or how to get back to the palace. Tinlorray had taken a shuttle, which meant the palace was probably quite some distance from wherever this was.
My best bet was to wait until morning and hope Tinlorray traveled the same way she had yesterday. I sat on the ground and leaned against the building, blindly watching the city and the people rushing by until everything went quiet and the moons hung overhead.
The image of Yolkeltod vanishing wouldn’t leave my thoughts. I tried to think about something, anything else, but my mind circled around it, replaying it over and over again. He wasn’t the first ghost I’d seen vanish, but I hoped he was the last. I hated watching others leave when I was stuck here.
My eyes lifted to the gleaming stars in the sky. It had been so long since I’d been on Earth that I’d forgotten what my own sky looked like. There were a lot of things I’d forgotten. The feel of the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin. The taste of food. The smell of fresh-cut grass in summer. The sound of my family laughing. Hell, I’d forgotten what my own face looked like—I hadn’t seen it in over twenty years.
A dim ache grew within me, so faint it was barely present, but it was there—I was sure of it. I missed my home so badly, but the chance of me seeing Earth again was slim. Not many people traveled that way, and I couldn’t expect Zoltilvoxfyn to journey across the universe to take me home.
The night passed quickly with me watching the stars and the world moving around me while I stayed the same. When morning came with a burst of light and the warbling cries of birds, Tinlorray exited the apartment building. I dogged her steps. Her shoulders were hunched and her tail was lifeless on the ground.
I wished to speak with her, but what would I say? I had nothing. Man, too bad Nana wasn’t here. She always had something wise to say. Something to help. A sad smile twisted my lips as I thought about when I came out to her.
I’d been worried that she wouldn’t love me anymore. That me liking guys would somehow preclude me from her affection. Nana had yanked me into her arms and told me how much she loved me, then promptly said that if some guy broke my heart she would smack him in the balls with her cane.
Tinlorray headed to the same port as yesterday and boarded a shuttle, so I was hopeful it would take me back to the capital. She sat on a stool near the back, shoulders slumped. It was a miracle she even got on a shuttle with the accident that claimed her wings and her brother hanging over her.
When the ship docked, I caught a glimpse of the palace spearing the sky in the distance. So I was back. I took note of the shuttle markings. It had to be a bus-like system. I would need to ask someone, probably Wyn or Urgg through Zoltilvoxfyn, about it so I could see Tinlorray again. I’d made a promise, and I intended to keep it.
I followed her until she rounded the corner, then I headed to the palace. If I was going to pass on, I would need Zoltilvoxfyn’s help. No doubt he would be smug that I’d relented so easily. Then again, he might not be. I didn’t know him well.
Before I went, though, I would make sure Tinlorray was alright, Seth was safe, and Zoltilvoxfyn found his smile.
My eyes were heavy as I plucked withered blooms off the bush. I was supposed to be in hand-to-hand combat class right now. Kalvoxrencol had come to pick me up, leaving Seth to some much-needed alone time with Urgg, but I turned him down.
I’d been unable to sleep, spending the whole night in my greenhouse or the terrace garden waiting for Caleb to return. He hadn’t. Retiring had been impossible because Caleb didn’t know where my quarters were and he wouldn’t have been able to find me if he needed me.
Now, I worried he wasn’t going to return. I’d pressed harder yesterday than I should have. I barely knew him; I couldn’t predict his reaction. Still, I’d pressed. I tried to defend myselfwith the thought that I'd never met a spirit who didn’t know why they remained on the mortal plane, but that wasn’t enough. I should’ve known or been more sensitive to the possibility of him being upset, but I hadn’t been. Caleb had fled, perhaps for forever. The mere thought of that sent my soul racing. I’d never met a spirit who called to me like he did, and it frightened me.
He was so alive, even in death.
My fingers moved automatically as they cleaned the bush of wilted flowers and dropped them into a metal container for composting. A weight pressed down on my shoulders and strangled my throat. I couldn’t stop thinking about every single thing I’d said yesterday and how I did it all wrong. Mistakes. So many mistakes. I scolded myself viciously. I’d been an idiot, a horrid idiot. I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have pushed Caleb or used Seth to get him to open up. And Seth. I’d scared him.
I yanked off a dead flower and berated myself. I desired to be friends with Seth, and this wasn’t the way to start.
A worthlessness grew in my mind with every passing moment and made me curl inward. Intrusive thoughts about running away or disappearing bloomed like malignant weeds, fueled by my guilt. My white hair hung around me like a shield, and I kept my face downward to hide the growing tears. If any of my family saw, they would worry. Another thing I had to feel guilty for.
“Zoltilvoxfyn,” a hesitant voice said.
I whirled around, tail thrashing. Caleb stood at the entrance of my greenhouse. His hands were shoved in his trouser pockets and he rocked forward on his toes, looking anywhere besides me.
“Caleb.” I dropped the container, sending ruined blooms tumbling across the moss ground. I rushed toward him, scouring his thin frame. “Are you well?”
His head bobbed. “I’m fine.”
“Where were you?”
“I went exploring, and things took an odd turn.”
“What things?” I asked, stopping right in front of him. My tail swished in his direction, quaking with the urge to curl around his ankle. I paused. I wasn’t a physically affectionate person, even with my family, but for some reason, I longed to touch Caleb.
His gaze skittered to the side, and I shifted until there was barely any space between us. I needed to move back, but I couldn’t force myself to. Even though he was dead, there were still permissions, such as personal space, which needed to be discussed if I was to move closer.
My stomach dropped and my soul pounded. I wanted to move closer. Caleb was a spirit, but I yearned to stay right beside him. Why?
Not many mediums had been recorded in Drakcon history, and I’d read each of their logs and everything they’d written. All of them had said basically the same thing. It was our responsibility to help wayward souls, but we shouldn’t get attached to them, because our presence might become a hindrance to their journey.
I forced myself to take a couple of steps back from Caleb, though it physically hurt to do so. “What happened, Little Soul?”
